Never Ending by Kailin Gow Page B

them as people.
Just props to make him look good. Being around my dad – it screws people up,
Neve.” He sighed loudly, the sheets rising and falling across his chest. “It
screwed me up for a long time. I wasn't a good boyfriend – not to a lot of
girls. Not even to...”
              He fell silent,
and I did not press him further. He wouldn't say her name. He never would. The
woman that he loved – the one he felt he had killed – that was a loss too great
for words. Only silence could encompass the pain he felt. Against myself, I
felt a twinge of jealousy. I loved Danny, but I knew that there were some
things about him I could never truly understand.
              “But that wasn't
your fault!” I pressed him. “It's not like you grew up with a good example.”
              “That's certainly
true.” Danny's laugh was full of bitterness. “Do you know – growing up – I
don't have a single memory of him hugging me. Not one. Not one example of him
caring about me. I was shipped off to boarding school as soon as I can
remember. “Danny has business to conduct,” he told me. “Now be a man. Don't
cry.” But even at boarding school, I wasn't immune. He never came to my plays,
to my performances. But I saw him, of course. Lots of him. At boarding school
the boys used to be allowed to leave the school in the afternoon to go into the
shops – you know, to buy sweets, that sort of thing. And at the check-out
counter I'd catch a glimpse of him on the cover of the tabloids. A new woman on
his arm. A new model – or a prostitute. And maybe she'd become his wife, after
a while, and I'd learn about that from the tabloids, too. Until she couldn't
take the cheating....until she couldn't take the pain....”
              “Sometimes they
divorced him. One killed herself. I learned that from the tabloids too.”
              Tears had started
to form in Danny's eyes. I turned to him, surprised. I'd never seen Danny so
vulnerable – so open to talking about his pain.
              “Did you know –
though – what the worst part is? I never stopped loving him. Not for a second.
I thought it was my fault, you know. That I'd been bad. That if I was a better
son, a better kid, he'd have wanted me around. I used to shoplift the tabloids
and cut out his picture and keep it on my dresser – just like a real family
photo. Because it was the only thing I had of him.”
              I felt the tears
spring to my eyes, too. How much suffering had Danny enduring because of his
family.
              “I'm sorry,
Neve...” Danny sighed heavily. “I don't mean to unload on you like this. But
ever since I went to your house for dinner – met your dad...”
              “It made you
realize what you'd missed out on?”
              “Yeah,” Danny
said, smiling. “I knew you'd understand, Neve. Being with your dad made me
realize what a dad is supposed to be like. You know – I always figured that it
was karmic justice that made my dad what he was. Like – I had all this money,
all this fame, that the universe decided to punish me, to even things out, by
making my dad the way he is. I thought you couldn't have all those things
without having a dad like mine. That's what he said, after all. “You have to be
this way in the business. You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.
There's no choice.” And so I grew – so angry. So cruel. I felt like – if I
can't have a loving family, then at least I can have my typical rich-boy
pursuits. Money. Fast cars. Cute girls. Music. I was...I was awful at
your age, Neve. You think Geoff was bad? I was probably worse. I was punishing
the world for my pain. Acting like it owed me all this stuff because I'd
suffered. Until...she died. And then I knew what I'd lost. I knew what I'd
given up. And seeing your dad the other night made me realize how wrong I was.
Like – it didn't have to be this way. Like there was