right.”
“I raised eight fucking kids in this house, and now you're telling me that I'm not qualified to hold a damn baby?”
“I'm telling you that you haven't earned the privilege.” My mother scoffs.
“Now it's a privilege to hold your little brat? Fuck you. I want you out of my house.” Ty gives her a look that says I'm not going fucking anywhere. He doesn't even have to say anything. Ty McCabe communicates with his body as much as his voice. He's so animated and passionate and just … God, he's too good for me. Really. He is. “You better be gone by the time I get back,” she snarls, shoving past him, not caring that he's holding my infant.
Darkness descends on me, violent and tumultuous. I want to sob, but I also want to kill her. Stupid hormones. I turn away and try to take shallow breaths, so I can get a hold of myself. When I look back, Ty is staring at me.
“Never,” he says softly. “It's okay. You are not her. You will never be her.”
I don't know what to say, how to respond to that and tell him my fears, let them spill from me like a tsunami and overtake us both. I open my mouth once and snap it shut. When my phone rings, I answer it. Ty looks disappointed which makes my stomach drop, but I have to deal with these issues on my own. I can't burden him with anymore darkness. We're both finally crawling out of the cave and into the light. He might be a few feet ahead of me, but if I dump this on him, I could leave him behind. I won't do that.
“Never?”
It's Lacey.
“Hey,” I answer, glad for the reprieve. Ty raises his eyebrows and moves away, giving us some privacy. “How's it going?” I miss my roommate sometimes. I mean, I was never really that good to her when I was there, but she was my only friend. I shiver a little. Just thinking of what it was like, alone and desperate, grasping straws in my quest to find something worth living for, dreading weekends because I was most suicidal then. I bite my lip so hard it bleeds.
“Okay, I guess. We have finals next week, so you know, ugh. What are you up to?” I lick the blood away and decide to test my news on Lacey before I use it on the rest of my family. Beth seemed okay with it, but you never know how the others might react, and I don't want to do anything to disappoint them, to make them doubt me. I just want to be loved by them.
“Um, guess what?” I ask her, and she gets all excited. Being around Lacey is like being around a cocker spaniel or something. I can already imagine her tail wagging happily at the thought of good gossip. “I'm pregnant again.”
“Shut the fuck up!” she says, and I think I hear giggling in the background. Trini, I assume. The two of them are inseparable now. Lacey keeps saying they're going to run away to Massachusetts and get married, but who the fuck knows? “That was quick. I didn't even know you could get pregnant that soon after giving birth.”
“Yeah, neither did I.” I sit down on the bottom step and sigh heavily. “But yeah, I guess it's possible.”
“Without condoms, it's not just possible but probable,” Lacey says and I narrow my eyes. She thinks it's funny because her partner can't knock her up if she tried. Mine can impregnate me with a single kiss, a glance, the touch of his hand across mine. Fucking stud.
“Thanks for the education,” I say. “I sure hope you're using dental dams.” Lacey doesn't take offense to this. In fact, she really doesn't take offense to much of anything. She's so … light. It's nice to see there really are people like that in the world, that not everybody has to be dragging around enough baggage to sink an ocean liner. That gives me hope for my sisters, my son, my … whoever it is that's inside of me now. I feel a little flicker of proud for saving Lacey at the convenience store. If she'd gotten raped, a little monster might've climbed into her heart and darkened the skies around her. This, of course, makes me think about Ty and how we met,
“I raised eight fucking kids in this house, and now you're telling me that I'm not qualified to hold a damn baby?”
“I'm telling you that you haven't earned the privilege.” My mother scoffs.
“Now it's a privilege to hold your little brat? Fuck you. I want you out of my house.” Ty gives her a look that says I'm not going fucking anywhere. He doesn't even have to say anything. Ty McCabe communicates with his body as much as his voice. He's so animated and passionate and just … God, he's too good for me. Really. He is. “You better be gone by the time I get back,” she snarls, shoving past him, not caring that he's holding my infant.
Darkness descends on me, violent and tumultuous. I want to sob, but I also want to kill her. Stupid hormones. I turn away and try to take shallow breaths, so I can get a hold of myself. When I look back, Ty is staring at me.
“Never,” he says softly. “It's okay. You are not her. You will never be her.”
I don't know what to say, how to respond to that and tell him my fears, let them spill from me like a tsunami and overtake us both. I open my mouth once and snap it shut. When my phone rings, I answer it. Ty looks disappointed which makes my stomach drop, but I have to deal with these issues on my own. I can't burden him with anymore darkness. We're both finally crawling out of the cave and into the light. He might be a few feet ahead of me, but if I dump this on him, I could leave him behind. I won't do that.
“Never?”
It's Lacey.
“Hey,” I answer, glad for the reprieve. Ty raises his eyebrows and moves away, giving us some privacy. “How's it going?” I miss my roommate sometimes. I mean, I was never really that good to her when I was there, but she was my only friend. I shiver a little. Just thinking of what it was like, alone and desperate, grasping straws in my quest to find something worth living for, dreading weekends because I was most suicidal then. I bite my lip so hard it bleeds.
“Okay, I guess. We have finals next week, so you know, ugh. What are you up to?” I lick the blood away and decide to test my news on Lacey before I use it on the rest of my family. Beth seemed okay with it, but you never know how the others might react, and I don't want to do anything to disappoint them, to make them doubt me. I just want to be loved by them.
“Um, guess what?” I ask her, and she gets all excited. Being around Lacey is like being around a cocker spaniel or something. I can already imagine her tail wagging happily at the thought of good gossip. “I'm pregnant again.”
“Shut the fuck up!” she says, and I think I hear giggling in the background. Trini, I assume. The two of them are inseparable now. Lacey keeps saying they're going to run away to Massachusetts and get married, but who the fuck knows? “That was quick. I didn't even know you could get pregnant that soon after giving birth.”
“Yeah, neither did I.” I sit down on the bottom step and sigh heavily. “But yeah, I guess it's possible.”
“Without condoms, it's not just possible but probable,” Lacey says and I narrow my eyes. She thinks it's funny because her partner can't knock her up if she tried. Mine can impregnate me with a single kiss, a glance, the touch of his hand across mine. Fucking stud.
“Thanks for the education,” I say. “I sure hope you're using dental dams.” Lacey doesn't take offense to this. In fact, she really doesn't take offense to much of anything. She's so … light. It's nice to see there really are people like that in the world, that not everybody has to be dragging around enough baggage to sink an ocean liner. That gives me hope for my sisters, my son, my … whoever it is that's inside of me now. I feel a little flicker of proud for saving Lacey at the convenience store. If she'd gotten raped, a little monster might've climbed into her heart and darkened the skies around her. This, of course, makes me think about Ty and how we met,
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