intensely erotic frenzy of lesbianic
kissing and caressing, an unexpected knock at the door saved the
day.
Edwina rose suddenly. Had they
found her? After all this time? She approached the door and gazed
through the peephole. Looking awkward and adorable in his all-red
three-piece suit, Reynolds waited with his hands behind his back.
He must have something behind there, something, perhaps, to cheer
her up. Hopefully it’s not a shark, she thought. Or the complete
series box set of Moonlighting .
Edwina opened the door,
struggling not to let her smile of relief show too much at such a
time of grief. The other Queens stared at him as though he were a
clown with a massive erection.
“Hi,” Edwina stated
cleverly.
“I—I came to say, first,” he
stammered, “that I’m sorry about your teammate. My dad—Kevin
Costner—wanted me to tell you, ‘She swam like a seal pup and died
like one.’”
Reynolds drew a lovely bouquet
of gas station flowers from behind his back and presented them to
Edwina, who passed them to Steph, who passed them to Andrea, who
passed them to Erika, who passed them to—who was that woman,
anyway? The girls, at any rate, approved and withdrew their
undeserved prejudice. For now.
“I also wanted to say, umm,” he
looked nervously to the other girls, but realized quickly his
apology would have to be public. “I’m sorry about the other night,
Edwina. She was lying and I should’ve—I guess it doesn’t matter
now, since she’s really, really dead. But I like you. I like you
more than I liked my childhood dog, Waffles. He and I would do
everything together. He saved me from a burning building. We built
a treehouse, just the two of us. Even without thumbs, Waffles
helped. One day a bus full of German tourists turned him to
liverwurst.”
“I know,” Edwina said from
behind her mask of intense blushing. “About the lying, I mean. Not
waffles. That was depressing.”
“I’d like to take you out, take
your mind off sad things, put them on happy things—like me.”
“I don’t know…”
Somehow it didn’t seem right.
One could even say it felt wrong. Mila had just been eaten. Waffles
was dead. She hadn’t really come out of shock. And the girls—they
depended on her like kittens on a particularly milky teat.
“You should go, Eddie,” Nikki
said. “It’d do you good.”
“You’d just be moping in here
with us otherwise,” Steph said.
“Waffles would want you to do
it, Eddie,” Andrea pointed out.
“Alright, you’re right,” Edwina
relented after some hesitation. “Let’s go, Ryan.”
Edwina winked at him and he
winked back a stiff, belabored wink, “Alright, Deezen. Let’s
go.”
Chapter 23
Freedom
To a dwarf, the horizon would
be obscured by the enormous, weathered mountains that thrust into
the air over a curvaceous, smooth plain. No dwarf being present, we
can see they’re the tits of the two murdered Pussy Willows,
sticking up like wild cacti, only much more inviting to the
touch.
“Not a shark,” the medical
examiner explained to Warren and Walker. “That’s for sure.”
The examiner cringed after
saying ‘That’s for sure,’ awaiting the cantankerous discourse on
the necessity of sticking to the facts, the impossibility of
certainty, and some aggressively incomprehensible similes. But
nothing happened. Nothing at all. In fact, other human beings were
nodding. They…they agreed!
“I didn’t think it was a
shark,” Warren said. “I suspect it’s the serial killer. There are
signs of his MO, right?”
The examiner felt a warmth deep
in his torso, a glow that overtook him and yet he had no idea what
to do with it. They were suspecting things. Doing something to
signs—was that? Yes, it was. Interpreting! Yes! Yes, there are
signs of an MO! But—can he say that? What would happen?
“Oh yeah,” he said cautiously,
“I’d say there’re signs. Sure. Lots of ‘em.”
“Well?” Warren pressed.
“Yeah,
kissing and caressing, an unexpected knock at the door saved the
day.
Edwina rose suddenly. Had they
found her? After all this time? She approached the door and gazed
through the peephole. Looking awkward and adorable in his all-red
three-piece suit, Reynolds waited with his hands behind his back.
He must have something behind there, something, perhaps, to cheer
her up. Hopefully it’s not a shark, she thought. Or the complete
series box set of Moonlighting .
Edwina opened the door,
struggling not to let her smile of relief show too much at such a
time of grief. The other Queens stared at him as though he were a
clown with a massive erection.
“Hi,” Edwina stated
cleverly.
“I—I came to say, first,” he
stammered, “that I’m sorry about your teammate. My dad—Kevin
Costner—wanted me to tell you, ‘She swam like a seal pup and died
like one.’”
Reynolds drew a lovely bouquet
of gas station flowers from behind his back and presented them to
Edwina, who passed them to Steph, who passed them to Andrea, who
passed them to Erika, who passed them to—who was that woman,
anyway? The girls, at any rate, approved and withdrew their
undeserved prejudice. For now.
“I also wanted to say, umm,” he
looked nervously to the other girls, but realized quickly his
apology would have to be public. “I’m sorry about the other night,
Edwina. She was lying and I should’ve—I guess it doesn’t matter
now, since she’s really, really dead. But I like you. I like you
more than I liked my childhood dog, Waffles. He and I would do
everything together. He saved me from a burning building. We built
a treehouse, just the two of us. Even without thumbs, Waffles
helped. One day a bus full of German tourists turned him to
liverwurst.”
“I know,” Edwina said from
behind her mask of intense blushing. “About the lying, I mean. Not
waffles. That was depressing.”
“I’d like to take you out, take
your mind off sad things, put them on happy things—like me.”
“I don’t know…”
Somehow it didn’t seem right.
One could even say it felt wrong. Mila had just been eaten. Waffles
was dead. She hadn’t really come out of shock. And the girls—they
depended on her like kittens on a particularly milky teat.
“You should go, Eddie,” Nikki
said. “It’d do you good.”
“You’d just be moping in here
with us otherwise,” Steph said.
“Waffles would want you to do
it, Eddie,” Andrea pointed out.
“Alright, you’re right,” Edwina
relented after some hesitation. “Let’s go, Ryan.”
Edwina winked at him and he
winked back a stiff, belabored wink, “Alright, Deezen. Let’s
go.”
Chapter 23
Freedom
To a dwarf, the horizon would
be obscured by the enormous, weathered mountains that thrust into
the air over a curvaceous, smooth plain. No dwarf being present, we
can see they’re the tits of the two murdered Pussy Willows,
sticking up like wild cacti, only much more inviting to the
touch.
“Not a shark,” the medical
examiner explained to Warren and Walker. “That’s for sure.”
The examiner cringed after
saying ‘That’s for sure,’ awaiting the cantankerous discourse on
the necessity of sticking to the facts, the impossibility of
certainty, and some aggressively incomprehensible similes. But
nothing happened. Nothing at all. In fact, other human beings were
nodding. They…they agreed!
“I didn’t think it was a
shark,” Warren said. “I suspect it’s the serial killer. There are
signs of his MO, right?”
The examiner felt a warmth deep
in his torso, a glow that overtook him and yet he had no idea what
to do with it. They were suspecting things. Doing something to
signs—was that? Yes, it was. Interpreting! Yes! Yes, there are
signs of an MO! But—can he say that? What would happen?
“Oh yeah,” he said cautiously,
“I’d say there’re signs. Sure. Lots of ‘em.”
“Well?” Warren pressed.
“Yeah,
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