I kicked my feet and my arms pumped like a demented pump jack in front of me.
“I warned you to watch your tone,” he reminded me as he began to pay special attention to the area where my thighs met my bottom.
“Owwwww! Oww! I know, I’m sorreee… I just already felt so stupid… and you were giving me that look. Owww!!!”
“I reacted like anyone else would when faced with another of your calamities. Did I cut your finger?” he asked with another well-placed swat that made me kick anew.
“Noooooooooo.”
“Who cut your finger?” Another stinger.
“ I-eeeeoooowww did! ”
“Did I glue your hands together?”
“ Owwwwww! Owwww! Nooooooooooooo!! ”
“Who did that brilliant piece of work?”
“Meeee! Ow ow owiiieeeeeeeee! ”
“So is any of this situation my fault?”
“Yyyyyeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooch… noooooooooooooooooooo!”
“Whose fault is it?”
“Mineeeeeee… I’m sorreeeeeeeee!”
“That’s right. Did I do anything to deserve the way you spoke to me?”
“ Oooooowwwwwwwwwiiiiiiieeeeeee! Noooooo…” I wailed with a heartfelt sniff.
Suddenly I was standing upright before him again with a stinging bottom to go with my hurt finger and bonded hands.
“I’m sorry, Landon.”
“I know, baby… let’s go get those hands unstuck and I’ll kiss it all better.”
And he did. So maybe on second thought… the day wasn’t so bad.
Singed on Both Ends
For some reason I’d wanted a cigarette for a week. It just sounded good. I’d been stressed and one wouldn’t hurt, right? I could sneak one of my sister’s and no one would be the wiser.
We were supposed to have dinner at her house that night anyway. I got there before anyone, even my sister. I snuck one out of her kitchen pack and lit it in the gas stove just like I’d seen her do a thousand and one times.
I inhaled deeply and promptly choked. Next breath I just took it in my mouth and inhaled a little at a time. Yes, this sure was relaxing! Not!
After my fourth puff I decided smoking was not all it was cracked up to be and flushed the evidence.
I had my coughing under control when my sister walked in with Landon right behind her.
They both stared at me.
“What?”
Sharon frowned at me. “What’s that white stuff in your eyelashes and eyebrows?”
“White stuff?”
“Yeah, it looks funny,” Landon said, reaching over and brushing the said white stuff off.
I felt tiny things falling down my face.
“Your eyebrows just fell off!” Landon cried in alarm.
“What!?” I gasped and ran to the bathroom mirror. Sure enough, my eyebrows had fallen partially out. The rest were still white and when I brushed my fingers across them, they fell out too. And my eyelashes were a thing of the past.
I looked miserably from the bathroom mirror to where Landon and Sharon stood in the doorway.
“They all fell out!” I wailed.
“What on earth did you do?” my ever-helpful sister asked.
“I guess maybe I singed them on the stove.”
“How would you do that?” Landon asked in puzzlement.
“You snitched a cigarette!” Sharon yelled like it was some great discovery.
“Shannon doesn’t smoke. She wouldn’t do that,” Landon defended, and then he looked at my guilty face. “Shannon?”
“Well, it was just one. I didn’t think one could do any harm. I thought it would be relaxing. I didn’t expect to singe my eyebrows off.”
“That’s not all that’s getting singed!”
I blushed and my sister chuckled knowingly as Landon led me from the room to the computer room where he sat down on the armless desk chair.
“I can’t believe you did that, Shannon. That was so dumb. Why would you pick up a cigarette to begin with? And why light it on the stove?”
“Sharon does it all the time.”
“You’re not Sharon and she doesn’t have asthma!”
So of course that’s how I found myself across his lap yet again about to get a singed backside to go with my eyebrows.
“Landon! Wait! Can’t we wait
“I warned you to watch your tone,” he reminded me as he began to pay special attention to the area where my thighs met my bottom.
“Owwwww! Oww! I know, I’m sorreee… I just already felt so stupid… and you were giving me that look. Owww!!!”
“I reacted like anyone else would when faced with another of your calamities. Did I cut your finger?” he asked with another well-placed swat that made me kick anew.
“Noooooooooo.”
“Who cut your finger?” Another stinger.
“ I-eeeeoooowww did! ”
“Did I glue your hands together?”
“ Owwwwww! Owwww! Nooooooooooooo!! ”
“Who did that brilliant piece of work?”
“Meeee! Ow ow owiiieeeeeeeee! ”
“So is any of this situation my fault?”
“Yyyyyeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooch… noooooooooooooooooooo!”
“Whose fault is it?”
“Mineeeeeee… I’m sorreeeeeeeee!”
“That’s right. Did I do anything to deserve the way you spoke to me?”
“ Oooooowwwwwwwwwiiiiiiieeeeeee! Noooooo…” I wailed with a heartfelt sniff.
Suddenly I was standing upright before him again with a stinging bottom to go with my hurt finger and bonded hands.
“I’m sorry, Landon.”
“I know, baby… let’s go get those hands unstuck and I’ll kiss it all better.”
And he did. So maybe on second thought… the day wasn’t so bad.
Singed on Both Ends
For some reason I’d wanted a cigarette for a week. It just sounded good. I’d been stressed and one wouldn’t hurt, right? I could sneak one of my sister’s and no one would be the wiser.
We were supposed to have dinner at her house that night anyway. I got there before anyone, even my sister. I snuck one out of her kitchen pack and lit it in the gas stove just like I’d seen her do a thousand and one times.
I inhaled deeply and promptly choked. Next breath I just took it in my mouth and inhaled a little at a time. Yes, this sure was relaxing! Not!
After my fourth puff I decided smoking was not all it was cracked up to be and flushed the evidence.
I had my coughing under control when my sister walked in with Landon right behind her.
They both stared at me.
“What?”
Sharon frowned at me. “What’s that white stuff in your eyelashes and eyebrows?”
“White stuff?”
“Yeah, it looks funny,” Landon said, reaching over and brushing the said white stuff off.
I felt tiny things falling down my face.
“Your eyebrows just fell off!” Landon cried in alarm.
“What!?” I gasped and ran to the bathroom mirror. Sure enough, my eyebrows had fallen partially out. The rest were still white and when I brushed my fingers across them, they fell out too. And my eyelashes were a thing of the past.
I looked miserably from the bathroom mirror to where Landon and Sharon stood in the doorway.
“They all fell out!” I wailed.
“What on earth did you do?” my ever-helpful sister asked.
“I guess maybe I singed them on the stove.”
“How would you do that?” Landon asked in puzzlement.
“You snitched a cigarette!” Sharon yelled like it was some great discovery.
“Shannon doesn’t smoke. She wouldn’t do that,” Landon defended, and then he looked at my guilty face. “Shannon?”
“Well, it was just one. I didn’t think one could do any harm. I thought it would be relaxing. I didn’t expect to singe my eyebrows off.”
“That’s not all that’s getting singed!”
I blushed and my sister chuckled knowingly as Landon led me from the room to the computer room where he sat down on the armless desk chair.
“I can’t believe you did that, Shannon. That was so dumb. Why would you pick up a cigarette to begin with? And why light it on the stove?”
“Sharon does it all the time.”
“You’re not Sharon and she doesn’t have asthma!”
So of course that’s how I found myself across his lap yet again about to get a singed backside to go with my eyebrows.
“Landon! Wait! Can’t we wait
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