I’m relieved when the band plays its last encore, and we head out into the night.
I manage to leave without meeting eyes with Holden again. “That was awesome,” I say as we get in the car. “Thank you for asking me.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty cool.” Beck cranks the music, and we speed down the highway. We both seem content not to talk, and when we get back to the apartment, he cuts the engine, insisting on walking me to the door.
“That was really fun,” I say, sticking my key in the lock and turning to look up at him.
“Thanks for going with me.”
“Thanks for asking.”
“So we’re stuck on that friends thing, huh?” he says, a smile touching the corner of his mouth.
“For now?”
“For now. I think you’re worth it,” he says. “The wait, I mean.”
Footsteps sound on the stairwell, and I look over Beck’s shoulder to see Holden come to an abrupt stop at the sight of us.
“Sorry,” he says, and I can see he’s caught off guard. “Excuse me.” He cuts around us, pulling my key out of the lock and handing it to me. He inserts his own and opens the door. He goes inside without saying another word.
The awkwardness left in his wake is thick and undeniable.
“A little time?” I say.
“A little time,” he agrees. “Goodnight, CeCe. Sleep well, okay?”
“You, too.” And with that, I watch him walk away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Holden
I absolutely HATE this feeling.
Jealous guys suck. I mean, what is jealousy anyway?
Awareness that there’s something you can’t have. Or that someone is better at something than you are. Or has someone you can’t have.
There it is. Large and looming. The truth. Ugly as it is.
Someone I can’t have.
I grab a beer from the refrigerator, pull out a drawer for the opener, pop it off and take a long drink. I head for the shower then just because I don’t want to be standing here when CeCe comes in.
The water is cold but does pretty much nothing to cool my misery. In my room, I wait until I hear her door click closed, and then I step out into the hall and knock.
She doesn’t respond for several moments, which tells me she’s considering not answering. “CeCe?” I say.
The door opens and she stands there looking at me with What? on her face.
“Ainsley asked me to remind you about her shift tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“Okay.” Awkward silence, and then I manage, “How was it?”
“It was great. All of it. Great.” She’s quiet for a moment and then, “Where’s Sarah?”
I glance away and then back at her. “She went back to Georgia. We kind of had a fight.”
CeCe steps away, and I can see her blank her expression. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Are you?” I ask.
“Yes, I am.”
“Why?”
She throws up her hands. “Why wouldn’t I be? You’re obviously crazy about each other and—”
“Are we?” It’s a question I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help myself.
“Yes! You are!”
“Don’t you want to know what we fought about?”
“No, I don’t think I do.”
“You,” he says. “We fought about you.”
She blinks once. Hard. And then, “Why would you be fighting about me?”
“Because she knows.”
“There’s nothing to know.”
“Knows it’s different. Since I got here. Since…since I met you.”
“Holden. Don’t do this. Don’t hang this on me. I don’t want to be responsible for you breaking Sarah’s heart.”
“I’m not hanging anything on you. I’m just telling you the truth.”
“You love her.”
“I did. Yes, I did. Now, I don’t know anymore.”
“She loves you,” CeCe says.
“She says she does. I’m not sure what that means based on the way we’ve been to each other since she got here. And I wonder now if we’ve just been trying to make each other fit what it is we both say we want. People change, don’t they? And when the change comes, how long do you deny it?”
“Holden—”
Her protest is weaker than before, and as if the words are pulled from me, I say, “I
I manage to leave without meeting eyes with Holden again. “That was awesome,” I say as we get in the car. “Thank you for asking me.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty cool.” Beck cranks the music, and we speed down the highway. We both seem content not to talk, and when we get back to the apartment, he cuts the engine, insisting on walking me to the door.
“That was really fun,” I say, sticking my key in the lock and turning to look up at him.
“Thanks for going with me.”
“Thanks for asking.”
“So we’re stuck on that friends thing, huh?” he says, a smile touching the corner of his mouth.
“For now?”
“For now. I think you’re worth it,” he says. “The wait, I mean.”
Footsteps sound on the stairwell, and I look over Beck’s shoulder to see Holden come to an abrupt stop at the sight of us.
“Sorry,” he says, and I can see he’s caught off guard. “Excuse me.” He cuts around us, pulling my key out of the lock and handing it to me. He inserts his own and opens the door. He goes inside without saying another word.
The awkwardness left in his wake is thick and undeniable.
“A little time?” I say.
“A little time,” he agrees. “Goodnight, CeCe. Sleep well, okay?”
“You, too.” And with that, I watch him walk away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Holden
I absolutely HATE this feeling.
Jealous guys suck. I mean, what is jealousy anyway?
Awareness that there’s something you can’t have. Or that someone is better at something than you are. Or has someone you can’t have.
There it is. Large and looming. The truth. Ugly as it is.
Someone I can’t have.
I grab a beer from the refrigerator, pull out a drawer for the opener, pop it off and take a long drink. I head for the shower then just because I don’t want to be standing here when CeCe comes in.
The water is cold but does pretty much nothing to cool my misery. In my room, I wait until I hear her door click closed, and then I step out into the hall and knock.
She doesn’t respond for several moments, which tells me she’s considering not answering. “CeCe?” I say.
The door opens and she stands there looking at me with What? on her face.
“Ainsley asked me to remind you about her shift tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“Okay.” Awkward silence, and then I manage, “How was it?”
“It was great. All of it. Great.” She’s quiet for a moment and then, “Where’s Sarah?”
I glance away and then back at her. “She went back to Georgia. We kind of had a fight.”
CeCe steps away, and I can see her blank her expression. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Are you?” I ask.
“Yes, I am.”
“Why?”
She throws up her hands. “Why wouldn’t I be? You’re obviously crazy about each other and—”
“Are we?” It’s a question I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help myself.
“Yes! You are!”
“Don’t you want to know what we fought about?”
“No, I don’t think I do.”
“You,” he says. “We fought about you.”
She blinks once. Hard. And then, “Why would you be fighting about me?”
“Because she knows.”
“There’s nothing to know.”
“Knows it’s different. Since I got here. Since…since I met you.”
“Holden. Don’t do this. Don’t hang this on me. I don’t want to be responsible for you breaking Sarah’s heart.”
“I’m not hanging anything on you. I’m just telling you the truth.”
“You love her.”
“I did. Yes, I did. Now, I don’t know anymore.”
“She loves you,” CeCe says.
“She says she does. I’m not sure what that means based on the way we’ve been to each other since she got here. And I wonder now if we’ve just been trying to make each other fit what it is we both say we want. People change, don’t they? And when the change comes, how long do you deny it?”
“Holden—”
Her protest is weaker than before, and as if the words are pulled from me, I say, “I
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