tiny. “He’s so small,” I said to Steph.
She smiled. “He’s grown almost a pound already.”
I looked into his big dark blue eyes andthought it’s almost like you could see God or eternity or something just incredibly amazing in there. But I didn’t say those words out loud. I’m sure it would’ve sounded strange, and I didn’t want Steph to think I was too weird. I mean, I’m not exactly sure how Christians are supposed to act. And in some ways I’m not even sure that I care, because I don’t want to act like anything. I just want to be. Besides, I wasn’t even totally sure what I was thinking at the time, something sort of indescribable. But there was definitely something beautiful in that little boy’s eyes.
Even now I’m wondering, does God see something like that in my eyes? In everyone’s? Does He look into our eyes and see something that’s so far beyond what we can begin to dream or imagine that it would just totally blow us away if we could see it for ourselves? I don’t know, but it’s something to ponder. And it seems as though there’s so much to ponder these days. It’s like my mind’s been opened wide to all the wonders around me. Like I’m seeing God’s hand in almost everything, and it’s so cool. I think about how pessimistic and negative I used to be. I used to make fun of almost everything. But now it’s like there’s such life and possibility all around me. How could I have ever been so down before? Except, of course, I didn’t have God. He makes all the difference.
WHAT CHANGED?
I’ve gone through the looking glass
to find everything right side up
to see what appeared empty
is now an overflowing cup
the sky that loomed so cloudy
now glows with rainbow bright
the sun now warm and golden
erases gloom of night
my world before was hopeless
shackled, i wasn’t free
now i soar like an eagle
and all that has changed is me
thank You, God!
cm
Monday, October 21
Last week started out so great, and for the first several days it felt like I was walking on clouds-high above the ordinary stuff that had dragged me down so much before. But by Thursday, I started feeling as if I was coming back down to earth some. And it was a little disappointing.
I guess it started with Tiffany Knight. Okay, I realize I’m supposed to love my enemies, and that I can’t do it without Jesus’ help. But the truth is, I just felt fed up with her today. She says the cruelest things. Not just to me, but to anyone whocatches her eye (for being different). And she threw one of her nasty little jabs at Marty Ruez, an overweight girl who’s in choir. I won’t even dignify Tiffany’s remark by quoting her. But it was mean to the bone.
I’d been actually trying to smile at Tiffany and her thugs lately. And, man, is that ever a challenge—it’d be easier to swallow ground glass. Not just because of who they are, although that’s enough right there, but also because I’ve never been a real smiley-type person in the first place.
Okay, in all fairness, maybe I was before I started dressing and acting differently. But now with the way I look, it totally conflicts. Which brings me to another problem: the way I look . Some people (I mean, primarily my parents and maybe some Christians who shall remain unnamed) are acting as though now that I’m a Christian I should start to look different. But I don’t really get that. I think the way I look is sort of useful for linking me to all sorts of people who normally get left out. You know, the outsiders or “total misfits,” as people like Tiffany call them. Well, it’s as if my appearance makes me accessible to those people. And I like that. Besides, I have absolutely no desire to start dressing like Tiffany and her kind. So what am I supposed to do? Anyway, I’m prayingabout this. I figure God knows what’s best for me. And I want to get it straight from Him.
Now back to feeling bummed because I got mad at Tiffany and wanted to punch her face in and
She smiled. “He’s grown almost a pound already.”
I looked into his big dark blue eyes andthought it’s almost like you could see God or eternity or something just incredibly amazing in there. But I didn’t say those words out loud. I’m sure it would’ve sounded strange, and I didn’t want Steph to think I was too weird. I mean, I’m not exactly sure how Christians are supposed to act. And in some ways I’m not even sure that I care, because I don’t want to act like anything. I just want to be. Besides, I wasn’t even totally sure what I was thinking at the time, something sort of indescribable. But there was definitely something beautiful in that little boy’s eyes.
Even now I’m wondering, does God see something like that in my eyes? In everyone’s? Does He look into our eyes and see something that’s so far beyond what we can begin to dream or imagine that it would just totally blow us away if we could see it for ourselves? I don’t know, but it’s something to ponder. And it seems as though there’s so much to ponder these days. It’s like my mind’s been opened wide to all the wonders around me. Like I’m seeing God’s hand in almost everything, and it’s so cool. I think about how pessimistic and negative I used to be. I used to make fun of almost everything. But now it’s like there’s such life and possibility all around me. How could I have ever been so down before? Except, of course, I didn’t have God. He makes all the difference.
WHAT CHANGED?
I’ve gone through the looking glass
to find everything right side up
to see what appeared empty
is now an overflowing cup
the sky that loomed so cloudy
now glows with rainbow bright
the sun now warm and golden
erases gloom of night
my world before was hopeless
shackled, i wasn’t free
now i soar like an eagle
and all that has changed is me
thank You, God!
cm
Monday, October 21
Last week started out so great, and for the first several days it felt like I was walking on clouds-high above the ordinary stuff that had dragged me down so much before. But by Thursday, I started feeling as if I was coming back down to earth some. And it was a little disappointing.
I guess it started with Tiffany Knight. Okay, I realize I’m supposed to love my enemies, and that I can’t do it without Jesus’ help. But the truth is, I just felt fed up with her today. She says the cruelest things. Not just to me, but to anyone whocatches her eye (for being different). And she threw one of her nasty little jabs at Marty Ruez, an overweight girl who’s in choir. I won’t even dignify Tiffany’s remark by quoting her. But it was mean to the bone.
I’d been actually trying to smile at Tiffany and her thugs lately. And, man, is that ever a challenge—it’d be easier to swallow ground glass. Not just because of who they are, although that’s enough right there, but also because I’ve never been a real smiley-type person in the first place.
Okay, in all fairness, maybe I was before I started dressing and acting differently. But now with the way I look, it totally conflicts. Which brings me to another problem: the way I look . Some people (I mean, primarily my parents and maybe some Christians who shall remain unnamed) are acting as though now that I’m a Christian I should start to look different. But I don’t really get that. I think the way I look is sort of useful for linking me to all sorts of people who normally get left out. You know, the outsiders or “total misfits,” as people like Tiffany call them. Well, it’s as if my appearance makes me accessible to those people. And I like that. Besides, I have absolutely no desire to start dressing like Tiffany and her kind. So what am I supposed to do? Anyway, I’m prayingabout this. I figure God knows what’s best for me. And I want to get it straight from Him.
Now back to feeling bummed because I got mad at Tiffany and wanted to punch her face in and
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