My Life as a Doormat (in Three Acts) by Rene Gutteridge Page A

horns, so to speak. You’re a tough woman and don’t take things lying down. But sometimes that strength can fuel conflict that’s already in motion. Ernest, while I can appreciate your faith, as I am a woman of faith, remember that God uses conflict to stretch and mold us, and oftentimes he won’t deliver us out of the fire. Instead, he wants us to walk through it. You can pray all you want, but sometimes, conflict is just going to happen. Carol, I saw complete and utter fear in your eyes at the situation that was unfolding. You felt helpless and weak. By the end of this class, you’re going to feel empowered. And Leah, the expression on your face was priceless. You looked like you were watching an animal die a slow death. I’m certain you would choose root-canal surgery over dealing with conflict. Am I right?”
    Well, once I’d had an ingrown toenail removed because my mother thought it was ghastly. The procedure didn’t bother me all that much. I nodded very slightly.
    â€œI’m glad you’re all here. You’re going to make this a dynamic and diverse group.”
    As soon as all eyes were off me, I let myself breathe and inventory the splotching. Everything about me felt hot, so it was hard to know whether the splotches had made their way up my neck or had completely taken over my entire body. But at this point, I didn’t really care, because just sixty seconds ago I thought I was going to see death by handbag.
    I took a moment and tried to calm myself with the thought that at least tonight I could breathe easier. The worst part was over, thank the good Lord.
    Then Marilyn said, “And now, we’re going to rip each other’s hearts out.”

Chapter 9
    [She eyes the exit longingly.]
    T onight, we’re going to let other people tell us what they think is fake about us.”
    Splotching usually stopped at midneck for me, but this was sure to send it up to my nose.
    Beside me, Carol was mumbling, but I couldn’t hear anything except hissing sounds every time she said something with an s in it.
    A little comfort came my way when I realized nobody liked the idea. And then another comforting thought floated by. How much could people really know about us? This was only the second class.
    Marilyn said, “One of the most conflict-causing situations in the universe stems from people feeling they’ve been insulted. Today we are going to focus on handling ourselves when we are insulted. Now, I am going to break you off into pairs.” I actually reached out and grabbed Carol’s arm. She clung to me. We would be perfect for each other. But Marilyn said, “I am going to pair you with your complete opposite.”
    Carol’s clinging turned to clawing. I tried to pat her arm, but my hand was shaking so badly I missed and patted my own arm. I suddenly noticed that all the while, I was smiling pleasantly. Well, this was an impressive trick I never knew I had. Smiling pleasantly. Huh. Maybe that would be a distraction from the large welts that were surely engulfing my face by now.
    â€œAnother point of this exercise is to learn to be forthright, which is actually an attribute when done with the right attitude and in the right circumstances. So you’re going to be given permission to tell someone what you think is fake about their personality. For some of you, this may be harder than receiving the criticism. For others, it will be as easy as chewing gum. Let’s begin.” She glanced down at her clipboard. “I’m going to pair Glenda and Carol, Cinco and Ernest, and Robert and Leah.” I looked over at Robert. Then glanced at Cinco. I was actually relieved not to be with him, but I wasn’t sure why. Cinco caught my eye and smiled. I didn’t have to smile back, because I was already pleasantly smiling.
    â€œYou’ll stay where you are. No need to sit by the person, because we’re going to be doing this in front