My Forever by Jolene Perry Page B

just the quietest whisper of a feeling , but the meaning is clear. I think I’m going to be sick. Here’s Lucas, standing in front of me, in all his perfection, asking me to marry him , and I can’t do it. My eyes are back on the ground.
     
    I knew this baby wasn’t mine from the beginning. As much as I want to throw my arms back around Lucas and say yes, I know I can’t. I’m starting to get good at following my feelings, but righ t now, it really sucks. T ears prick at my eyes.
     
    “Hel- lo o ? Dani ?” Lucas is staring , his eyes a little questioning.
     
    I snap out of my cycle of thought and look at him again.
     
    “I just sort of proposed to you , and you’re spacing out on me.”
     
    Great, so I’m the spacey girl again. I like being the girl with a great imagination. I’m not sure if I can look at him. The buses are gone , and the parking lot is empty.
     
    “You don’t even know me Lucas, not really.” It’s horrible, but true. I think about the kind of marriage the missionaries taught me about. The forever kind. I’m no t even close to that with Lucas, but I know it’s what I want. I just hope I recognize my forever when it happens.
     
    “But…” His brow furrows.
     
    I wonder how many girls have said no to Lucas. More importantly, I wonder how many girls have said yes?
     
    “I realize it’s every girl’s dream to be proposed to in front on he r high school while pregnant…” M aybe that’s harsh. I take a breath in. What can I say to him? “We don’t know each other at all.” I shake my head. “This baby isn’t mine.”
     
    “Well, Dani, what are people going to think?” Worry fills his voice.
     
    “I’ve been kicked out of my house. Everyone in my high school knows I’m the pregnant girl. How much worse can it get?”
     
    He stuffs his hands in his pockets. Now I understand. It’s him he’s worried about.
     
    “Don’t worry, Lucas.” I fold my arms across my chest. “I’ve told no one you’re the dad.” A moment ago I felt happy. I looked at a future I really wanted. Now I feel completely and totally rejected. It’s too much. “I just need the signed papers.” I take a careful breath in. Please don’t cry in front of Lucas. Please don’t cry in front of Lucas. Please… I pull my arms tighter across my chest.
     
    “So, that’s it?”
     
    “That’s it.” It comes out sharper than I mean it to, but I’m concentrating on very little outside of not crying.
     
    “Okay.” He moves slowly, still maybe partially unsure but he reaches into his back pocket and hands me an envelope. “They’re signed.”
     
    I choke out a laugh as I fight back tears. The fact that they’re signed and ready to go speaks volumes. I take the envelope from him and fold it into my arms. I shouldn’t have been flattered by his sort-of proposal. He was simply saving face.
     
    “Thanks.” I start to walk away.
     
    “You know Dani, it wouldn’t kill you to let someone in. I mean t every word. I like you. I would have come down to see you no matter what. We could have maybe made it work. ” A pause. “Call me… if you want.”
     
    “See ya , Lucas ,” I say as I walk back to the school. I fee l a tear slide down my cheek, and don’ t look back .
     
    As soon as I step in the first set of doors, Michael ’s there . He’s been watching. He prob ably saw me kiss Lucas , saw his arms around me . I hate that he saw that.  He glances down at the envelope in my hands.
     
    “Was that the dad?” h e asks quietly, even though we’re the only ones around.
     
    I quickly smudge away the tears on my cheek. “Yep. Lucas. I got what I needed.” I hold up my envelope.
     
    “Everything you need from him is in that envelope?” He looks at me as if there’s no way I can b e telling the truth.
     
    “Yep.” My crazy emotions betray me , and I have to keep wiping tears . 
     
    “I don’t believe you, Dani.” For the second time since the school bell rang, a good,