My Brother My Sister: Story of a Transformation Hardcover by Molly Haskell
Book: My Brother My Sister: Story of a Transformation Hardcover by Molly Haskell
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Authors: Molly Haskell
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testosterone to working women, and this characteristic is passed on to
. 66 .
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Who Has It Better, Men or Women?
their daughters! I fully believe that something in my mother— her re-
pressed ambition, her analytic mind, maybe a high level of
testosterone— was passed on to me.
There is, at least for now, one area— sports— where fudging is im-
possible, and where we see biological determinacy at its starkest and
most unforgiving; but even that is changing under the pressure of
those who argue that the subjective sense of self should be the deter-
mining factor. I remember well the outrage caused by Renée Richards;
in clubs all over the country, queasiness and unease took the form of
dire predictions: male players who ranked below the top 20 or 30
would change sex in order to compete in the women’s game. Didn’t
happen. Jennifer Boylan has argued that how one identifies oneself
should be the determining factor. I wonder if Chevey agrees and ask
him about it during a phone conversation.
“No, I don’t. They have to make a determination, and genetic test-
ing isn’t it, but it has to be done, maybe by muscle mass, strength,
speed. If someone has a clear preponderance of masculine traits, it’s
like steroids. It gives an unfair advantage.”
Chevey was never an athlete, but it was because he had a bad eye. I
ask about testosterone, did he have feelings of aggression?
“I was never the sort of timid Clark Kent type but not some big
Bruto guy wanting to smash heads, either.”
In a later recorded interview, we get into the specifics of sex: a sub-
ject so fraught, yet it’s strange how natural these conversations have
come to seem. “What about a sex drive; did you have one, or not that
much?
“I think I did. I think I was a very good lover. I always made sure.”
“Did you want to date girls?”
“Yes, I loved them as friends as well as potential sexual partners. I
. 67 .
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My Brother My Sister
think that’s true of men as well, although they may never get enough
credit in that area.
“It’s hard to know what is typical; nobody talked about it, or if they
did they lied. But in my early teenage years, I think I had— I know I
had— strong feelings of both male and female, boy and girl. I wasn’t
the stereotype transsexual who felt totally female. And this is turning out to be a major aspect of my life. I was attracted to both girls and
boys and naturally I didn’t understand any of this. I thought, Am I
gay? Of course even then— we use the term gay now— we didn’t use it
then. All those song lyrics— ‘Don we now our gay apparel’— you can’t
sing them, the word has been totally corrupted. It’s like so many
things: it’s hard to go back and remember how it was, we’ve learned so
much since then. I certainly didn’t know the term bisexual then. A lot
of people say there’s no such thing as bisexual, but I don’t agree.” I ask him if he masturbated.
“Yes, a lot— and eventually I could only ejaculate by picturing my-
self as a woman. When I loved and made love to a woman, I identified
with her, but I also wanted to give her pleasure. I tried so many times to change my mental image but I was just never able to.”
“Did you ever try aversion therapy?”
“Not officially, but for many years, every time I was going to make
love to Eleanor, I would say to myself over and over, ‘You will not
imagine yourself a woman, you will not imagine yourself as a woman.’
But then I couldn’t perform. The only way I could, and give her plea-
sure, was by picturing myself as a woman. And don’t forget that in a
long relationship, couples start fantasizing other lovers, movie stars, whatever.”
“But where’s the male in your scenario?”
“The person I’m touching is the male. If you’re a male having
testosterone to working women, and this characteristic is passed on to
. 66 .
9780670025527_MyBrotherMyS_TX.indd 66
4/23/13 4:12 PM
22145
Who Has It Better, Men or Women?
their daughters! I fully believe that something in my mother— her re-
pressed ambition, her analytic mind, maybe a high level of
testosterone— was passed on to me.
There is, at least for now, one area— sports— where fudging is im-
possible, and where we see biological determinacy at its starkest and
most unforgiving; but even that is changing under the pressure of
those who argue that the subjective sense of self should be the deter-
mining factor. I remember well the outrage caused by Renée Richards;
in clubs all over the country, queasiness and unease took the form of
dire predictions: male players who ranked below the top 20 or 30
would change sex in order to compete in the women’s game. Didn’t
happen. Jennifer Boylan has argued that how one identifies oneself
should be the determining factor. I wonder if Chevey agrees and ask
him about it during a phone conversation.
“No, I don’t. They have to make a determination, and genetic test-
ing isn’t it, but it has to be done, maybe by muscle mass, strength,
speed. If someone has a clear preponderance of masculine traits, it’s
like steroids. It gives an unfair advantage.”
Chevey was never an athlete, but it was because he had a bad eye. I
ask about testosterone, did he have feelings of aggression?
“I was never the sort of timid Clark Kent type but not some big
Bruto guy wanting to smash heads, either.”
In a later recorded interview, we get into the specifics of sex: a sub-
ject so fraught, yet it’s strange how natural these conversations have
come to seem. “What about a sex drive; did you have one, or not that
much?
“I think I did. I think I was a very good lover. I always made sure.”
“Did you want to date girls?”
“Yes, I loved them as friends as well as potential sexual partners. I
. 67 .
9780670025527_MyBrotherMyS_TX.indd 67
4/23/13 4:12 PM
22145
My Brother My Sister
think that’s true of men as well, although they may never get enough
credit in that area.
“It’s hard to know what is typical; nobody talked about it, or if they
did they lied. But in my early teenage years, I think I had— I know I
had— strong feelings of both male and female, boy and girl. I wasn’t
the stereotype transsexual who felt totally female. And this is turning out to be a major aspect of my life. I was attracted to both girls and
boys and naturally I didn’t understand any of this. I thought, Am I
gay? Of course even then— we use the term gay now— we didn’t use it
then. All those song lyrics— ‘Don we now our gay apparel’— you can’t
sing them, the word has been totally corrupted. It’s like so many
things: it’s hard to go back and remember how it was, we’ve learned so
much since then. I certainly didn’t know the term bisexual then. A lot
of people say there’s no such thing as bisexual, but I don’t agree.” I ask him if he masturbated.
“Yes, a lot— and eventually I could only ejaculate by picturing my-
self as a woman. When I loved and made love to a woman, I identified
with her, but I also wanted to give her pleasure. I tried so many times to change my mental image but I was just never able to.”
“Did you ever try aversion therapy?”
“Not officially, but for many years, every time I was going to make
love to Eleanor, I would say to myself over and over, ‘You will not
imagine yourself a woman, you will not imagine yourself as a woman.’
But then I couldn’t perform. The only way I could, and give her plea-
sure, was by picturing myself as a woman. And don’t forget that in a
long relationship, couples start fantasizing other lovers, movie stars, whatever.”
“But where’s the male in your scenario?”
“The person I’m touching is the male. If you’re a male having
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