that’s happened today quite well, including the crazy psycho American stalker. But for some reason I still have a knot of emotion I can’t unravel.”
“Hang on,” I said. “Does that crazy American psycho stalker happen to have shaggy hair and smell like he hasn’t washed his clothes for weeks?”
“Yes!” Sebastian exclaimed, quite surprised. “Do you know him?”
“He’s been sitting outside our office building for weeks now. I thought he was just summoning up the courage to come inside and get some help, but it turns out he was actually casing you out.”
Sebastian shuddered at this new twist in the stalker saga. Overwhelmed with the desire to comfort him, I sat next to him on the couch and put an arm around him.
“You’re doing great,” I said. “I don’t need to say anything or give you any advice. You’re doing well by yourself, but I’m glad I could be here for you. As you know, it helps just being able to give voice to things that are troubling you.”
“So why am I still feeling knotted up inside?” he asked me, his eyes penetrating deep into me from beneath his long lashes.
“What aspect of your life does the knot feel associated with?” I asked him.
“It’s strange, but it feels like it has something to do with Ruth and Sebastian’s baby,” he answered, “which is stupid considering there’s nothing I can do for them except be there if they need me.”
“Then maybe it’s to do with your own feelings about the loss of the baby,” I observed.
“I don’t feel bad about the loss of the baby at all,” he said, and then he fell silent for a minute. Suddenly, he sat bolt upright. His eyes were wide and the haunted look on his face disappeared.
“Oh shit,” he said, “I’m a monster. I’m a selfish twat.”
Sebastian put his head in his hands and started to sob. I put my arm around him and comforted without saying a word. Eventually he stopped sobbing and looked up at me.
“Part of me is so saddened by the loss of the baby for what it meant to Ruth and Justin, but part of me is glad they lost it. I knew that I had misgivings when they announced the pregnancy, and now I realise why. I don’t want things to change! Marriage is one thing; it wouldn’t have changed the relationship between the three of us. We would still see each other and have time for each other. We would still hang out together all the time. But a baby would change that. A baby would have changed their priorities. A baby would mean they’d have less time for me!”
We sat in silence for a while. Sebastian refilled our glasses, and slowly his whole demeanour lightened up.
“You must think I’m awful,” he said eventually.
“Not at all,” I replied. “I think that what you’re feeling is perfectly normal, and I think you’re brave for realising it and acknowledging it.”
“I’m so glad you came over,” he said. “I didn’t think you would.”
“Why wouldn’t I,” I exclaimed.
“Because I realise I’m not your favourite at work. I respect you so much, and that’s jumped a hundredfold given the fact you came here when I needed you, despite your lack of respect for me.”
“You’re crazy,” I said, putting down my glass. “Why would you think I don’t respect you? You’re the most talented counsellor we have.”
“Really? It doesn’t feel like it. You don’t pay me the attention you pay to everyone else. You don’t listen intently when I do my case reports. You don’t manhandle me like you do everyone else. You don’t check in with me at my office like you do everyone else.”
I took a deep breath and remembered Donovan’s urging that I should reveal my feelings to my crush at work.
“Sebastian. You have my utmost respect. You’re professional in every way, and are an extremely talented therapist. I don’t check up on you because I don’t need to. If I appear not to listen, it’s only because I don’t need to. If I don’t manhandle you, it’s only because
“Hang on,” I said. “Does that crazy American psycho stalker happen to have shaggy hair and smell like he hasn’t washed his clothes for weeks?”
“Yes!” Sebastian exclaimed, quite surprised. “Do you know him?”
“He’s been sitting outside our office building for weeks now. I thought he was just summoning up the courage to come inside and get some help, but it turns out he was actually casing you out.”
Sebastian shuddered at this new twist in the stalker saga. Overwhelmed with the desire to comfort him, I sat next to him on the couch and put an arm around him.
“You’re doing great,” I said. “I don’t need to say anything or give you any advice. You’re doing well by yourself, but I’m glad I could be here for you. As you know, it helps just being able to give voice to things that are troubling you.”
“So why am I still feeling knotted up inside?” he asked me, his eyes penetrating deep into me from beneath his long lashes.
“What aspect of your life does the knot feel associated with?” I asked him.
“It’s strange, but it feels like it has something to do with Ruth and Sebastian’s baby,” he answered, “which is stupid considering there’s nothing I can do for them except be there if they need me.”
“Then maybe it’s to do with your own feelings about the loss of the baby,” I observed.
“I don’t feel bad about the loss of the baby at all,” he said, and then he fell silent for a minute. Suddenly, he sat bolt upright. His eyes were wide and the haunted look on his face disappeared.
“Oh shit,” he said, “I’m a monster. I’m a selfish twat.”
Sebastian put his head in his hands and started to sob. I put my arm around him and comforted without saying a word. Eventually he stopped sobbing and looked up at me.
“Part of me is so saddened by the loss of the baby for what it meant to Ruth and Justin, but part of me is glad they lost it. I knew that I had misgivings when they announced the pregnancy, and now I realise why. I don’t want things to change! Marriage is one thing; it wouldn’t have changed the relationship between the three of us. We would still see each other and have time for each other. We would still hang out together all the time. But a baby would change that. A baby would have changed their priorities. A baby would mean they’d have less time for me!”
We sat in silence for a while. Sebastian refilled our glasses, and slowly his whole demeanour lightened up.
“You must think I’m awful,” he said eventually.
“Not at all,” I replied. “I think that what you’re feeling is perfectly normal, and I think you’re brave for realising it and acknowledging it.”
“I’m so glad you came over,” he said. “I didn’t think you would.”
“Why wouldn’t I,” I exclaimed.
“Because I realise I’m not your favourite at work. I respect you so much, and that’s jumped a hundredfold given the fact you came here when I needed you, despite your lack of respect for me.”
“You’re crazy,” I said, putting down my glass. “Why would you think I don’t respect you? You’re the most talented counsellor we have.”
“Really? It doesn’t feel like it. You don’t pay me the attention you pay to everyone else. You don’t listen intently when I do my case reports. You don’t manhandle me like you do everyone else. You don’t check in with me at my office like you do everyone else.”
I took a deep breath and remembered Donovan’s urging that I should reveal my feelings to my crush at work.
“Sebastian. You have my utmost respect. You’re professional in every way, and are an extremely talented therapist. I don’t check up on you because I don’t need to. If I appear not to listen, it’s only because I don’t need to. If I don’t manhandle you, it’s only because
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