Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire by Andy Stanton Page A

get friends. It’s MASSIVE.’
    Polly looked up and there it stood, a-gleamin’ and a-glitterin’ in a blaze of floodlights.
    â€˜Rimloff!’ she exclaimed. ‘It’s big enough for a king! Or two little kings. They could share it and play hide-an’-seek.’
    â€˜But it’s all mine!’ laughed Alan Taylor. ‘I am so rich! I am so rich!’ he sang, dancing aroundin the grass and throwing banknotes at a passing aphid. ‘Do you like me, Polly? Do you want some money?’
    â€˜I just told you,’ said Polly firmly. ‘That’s not what friendship is all about.’
    â€˜Of course it is,’ replied Alan Taylor with a frown. ‘But listen. Come round tomorrow afternoon, before the party starts. I’ll show you my house and impress you THAT way instead.’
    Well, the truth was, Polly did want to see inside that marvellous house. And she liked AlanTaylor, even though he seemed a bit confused about money and friendship . So she thanked him graciously. Then she tried to curtsey but she didn’t know how, so she just wiggled her arms around and shouted ‘CURTSEY!’ and hoped that would do.
    â€˜Good try,’ said Alan Taylor generously. ‘Well, I’d better get going. There’s lots more people to invite and impress!’
    And off he raced on his crunchy little legs,leaving Polly too excited for words. So she said some numbers instead.
    â€˜12! 93! 114!’ she said as she made her way back home, and soon she was in bed, dreaming of gingerbread men and parties and all manner of wonderful things.

Chapter 2
Meanwhile, Over at Mr Gum’s
    M r Gum was standing in front of the cracked mirror in the lonely bedroom of his grimsters old house. Blow me down with an oil tanker, he was a horror. He hated children,animals, fun and every cartoon ever made. What he liked was snoozing in bed all day. In fact, although it was eight o’clock in the evening Mr Gum had only just got up. For not only was he a horror, he was a lazer too.
    So anyway. There he was in front of the mirror, getting ready to go out.
    â€˜You’re up early, you handsome devil,’ he said to his reflection. ‘What do you fancy doin’ today?’

    â€˜I fancies bein’ even more evil than usual,’ replied his reflection with a nasty laugh.
    â€˜Good idea, stupid,’ said Mr Gum. ‘In that case, I better look me most frightful.’
    He got a felt-tip pen and drew some extra scowls on his forehead.

    Then he scruffed up his big red beard to make it as wild and frightening as possible. It wasn’t quiteterrifying enough so he stuck a couple of beetles in it and a photo of a shark.

    â€˜That should do it,’ he growled. Then he sproinged downstairs, jumped on a skateboard he’d nicked off a six-year-old and headed into town.

    On the high street, Martin Launderette was about to close up his launderette for the night when in came one last customer. It was Jonathan Ripples, the fattest man in town.
    â€˜Martin, please be careful with these,’ he said, handing over a bundle of clothes. ‘They’re very delicate.’
    â€˜No problem, Big J,’ said Martin Launderette reassuringly. ‘I’ll do them in cold water so theydon’t shrink or anything.’
    But as he was putting the clothes into the machine he noticed someone skateboarding badly along the high street, scowling as he went.
    â€˜Look,’ said Martin Launderette, ‘it’s Mr Gum! And he’s going into Billy William the Third’s!’
    â€˜Oh, dear,’ said Jonathan Ripples nervously. ‘That can only mean trouble.’
    While JR’s head was turned, Martin Launderette secretly turned the washing machine up from COLD WASH to SUPER HOTSHRINK WASH. Then he took out a red notebook and wrote:
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    That fatty Ripples thinks he’s so clever but I’ll have the last laugh! His clothes won’t even fit