Monster Madness by Dean Lorey Page B

you’d like me to tell your parents if things don’t work out with this great decision? And how would you like us to handle your remains? For instance, if there’s just a finger left, do you want us to retrieve it for the funeral or would you prefer a closed casket?”
    “Theodore, that’s sick!”
    “And it’s not gonna work,” Charlie added. “You’re not gonna scare me. I’m doing this.”
    “What about me?” Violet said, “I can do it. Or am I out of the running because I’m a girl?” Her stare was withering.
    “Look, I know you can do it,” Charlie said. “But you have to stay back here to keep the Hydras off Theodore while he makes a portal in case something goes wrong. Basically, I need you here to fight.”
    “I can fight,” Theodore said. “She’s not the only one who can fight, you know, just ’cause she’s a Banisher.”
    Charlie closed his eyes tightly.
    “You guys are making me crazy, you know that? Will you both please just stay here and handle things on this end without a gigantic argument so I can go milk the Mother Hydra in peace?”
    “Sure,” Violet said.
    “Good. Theodore?”
    “What? Yes! Just go milk your stupid Hydra. Geez.”
    “Do you have a plan, at least?” Violet asked. “I mean, how do you think you’re gonna get across all that open ground without being spotted?”
    “I’ll show you.” Charlie turned to the nearest baby Hydra and called out to it: “Hey there, little fella.”
    The baby Hydra’s six heads swiveled toward him. It’s actually kind of cute in a crazy way, Charlie thought. He continued sweet-talking to it. “That’s a good baby. Come over here, nice little Hydra. Come to Charlie.”
    The baby looked at him quizzically, then stumbled toward him on its four unsteady legs.
    “What a good boy!” Charlie whispered. “Here, Hydra, Hydra, Hydra…here, cute baby Hydra…”
    “Well, that’s not something you hear every day,” Theodore said. “Out of curiosity, what makes you think the baby won’t want to, you know, eat you? It may be an infant, but it’s still twice your size.”
    “It won’t eat me because it doesn’t eat meat yet. It’s still drinking mother’s milk, which means it should take me straight to the mother.”
    After a couple of seconds, the baby Hydra arrived, and Charlie gently stroked one of its six heads. It cooed, seeming to like the attention.
    “Okay, here we go.”
    Charlie glanced at the adult male Hydras that were busily shuffling around the large cavern. They seemed unaware of what was happening, so he quickly jumped out of the pit and slithered underneath the monstrous infant. He wrapped his arms and legs around it, clinging to its belly like a baby monkey.
    “Let’s go, little fella. Let’s go to Mommy. Aren’t you hungry? Aren’t you thirsty?”
    The baby just stood there. Charlie couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t moving until he realized that it was staring curiously at Theodore.
    “Goo-goo-goo!” the skinny boy said to the baby monster. “You are a little six-headed mutant! You are a scaly little freak!” He put his thumbs in his ears, wiggled his fingers, and stuck out his tongue while making a raspberry noise.
    “Theodore?” Charlie said through gritted teeth, still desperately clinging to the underside of the creature.
    “Yeah?”
    “Will you please…stop distracting…the monster.”
    “Oh, sure thing.”
    Without another word, Theodore slid down into the pit to join Pinch in the tangle of bones.
    “Good luck,” Violet said. “You either be real careful or real lucky.”
    “I’ll try to be both.” He gave her a quick smile, then turned to the baby Hydra. “Come on, little fella. Let’s go see Mommy.”
    The baby Hydra turned and headed through the vast cavern while Charlie clung to its belly. As it weaved uncertainly through the adult male Hydras, Charlie held his breath, praying that none of them would see him or smell him. To his relief, not a single beast even glanced in