Monkey Business by John Rolfe, Peter Troob

potpourri of officers of the firm were paraded before us, and each explained a different product or service the bank offered.
    Basically, training taught us our role in the process and how we could get the process done as quickly as possible. We learned
     that companies followed our advice for a fee and that was good. We learned that “a busy associate is a good associate.” We
     weren’t being trained to be thinkers. In training we learned what we were going to be doing for at least the next four years
     of our lives—processing lots of junk for fees and making things look pretty so that the Fidelitys, Putnams, and unsuspecting
     individual investors of the world would buy them without asking too many difficult questions.
    While some evenings during training were designated as social nights out, other evenings were reserved for projects to be
     done the following day. Either way, every evening was accounted for. We needed to learn what we would be doing, for whom we
     would do it, and how to get it done.
    A second-year associate came to class at the end of the first week of training and explained to us what role we were being
     paid to play. He didn’t seem quite as excitedabout the whole investment banking shindig as we thought he should have been. He said…
    “As associates, the standard stuff you’ll do is to help managing directors get business. The managing directors sit in their
     offices and think of ways to make money for the firm, and to make money for themselves. This sets the ball in motion. We create
     pitch books for the managing directors so that they have something to give to the potential clients. The managing director
     wants the potential client to know that we worked very hard and spent lots of hours preparing for the meeting. This shows
     the company that we’re serious about the business and will give the company our full attention.
    “You’ll have to do some valuation analysis so that you can prove that DLJ will be able to obtain the most money for the company
     being pitched. You’re going to spend a lot of time while you’re putting the pitch together working with the word-processing
     department and the copy center.
    “After you stay up all night doing the pitch you make flight arrangements for you and your team, and then you go to the pitch
     and carry the books. If you have an analyst, then you have him carry the books. This is the advantage of being an associate.
    “If you go to the pitch, and if you are able to stay awake, then you can watch how a managing director grovels for business.
     If you get the deal, then you and your team have lots of work to do. You may as well cancel all of your plans for the next
     six weeks because you’re in for some long nights and hectic days.
    “All in all, it’s hard work. But, you know, you get paidpretty well to do it and you’re learning important banking stuff. That’s really it.
    “More important, tonight the firm is letting all of you live the high life on the DLJ nickel. Don’t waste time dillydallying
     around here. According to my watch it’s five P.M . and if I were you I’d start whooping it up. I’d love to join you, but I’ve got loads of work to do. Have fun, because once
     training’s over you guys won’t see the light of day again.”
    Rolfe turned to me with his brow furrowed. “He seems a bit bitter. Maybe he had a tough night. Maybe he’s not working for
     the right people. He probably likes his job and is pretty happy, right?” Rolfe was looking for assurance that we had made
     the right choice, but I wasn’t able to give it to him.
    Instead of further exploring this revelation, we ignored it and jumped into one of the black chauffeured cars that were waiting
     for us in front of the offices, compliments of the firm, and went out for an evening of festivities—all paid for by DLJ.
    The investment banking machine was beginning to suck us in with the lavish lifestyle that it would allow us to live.
    Designated