there calmly, letting the motion of the current carry her, and swaying along in peace whether it be bouncy or calm. Allyson on the other hand would be trying to row against the current. She’d move from bank to bank, and try to make her own way, and in her struggle she’d get waterlogged, and flip, and find herself soaking wet and on the opposite bank from where she wanted to be.
Why can’t I be more like Sondra?
Allyson pushed that question from her mind. Maybe that had been the whole point of this night, to learn to be more flexible. To learn to find peace no matter where she was. To let things go. To go along for the ride, and so far she had failed completely. She took a deep breath and focused on Sondra’s gaze.
“I am really sorry about the horrifying display out there.” She drug out the words and her eyes darted to the side. “I actually think I’m going a little crazy.”
Sondra’s brow furrowed as she listened, and then she shook her head, dismissing Allyson’s apology. She offered a compassionate gaze. “You were just having a moment.” She reached over and patted Ally’s hand.
She leaned forward, offering a confession. “Yeah, well it was like my fifth one this week.”
Sondra didn’t seem surprised, or even horrified. “It happens to everyone.”
A half-laugh emerged from Allyson’s lips. For some reason she didn’t believe Sondra. She laughed again under her breath. “Really? Somehow I can’t picture you having a moment .” Sure, she’d seen Sondra blow up at Zoe a little, but that was different from Allyson’s display in front of total strangers.
Sondra smiled a knowing smile, and Allyson waited for what she had to say. But then, Sondra’s look changed and she put on the peppy, happy face again.
“So how’s the blog going?” Sondra asked instead. She played with the straw in her drink cup; as if that was the most important thing she had to think about. She took a sip from her drink and then wiped the corner of her mouth with a finger. Sondra had no reason to worry. Her hair was perfect. Her makeup was perfect, and there wasn’t even the smallest smudge on her lipstick.
“Oh, the blog.” Allyson bounced a little in her chair, and tilted her head to the side, trying to find the right words. “It’s—it’s not coming, really at all.” Allyson lifted up her straw and swirled it around in her cup. “I can’t—I can’t really find anything worth saying.” She rested her elbow on the table and then rested her cheek on her hand.
“And almost every time I sit down to try . . Allyson stretched out her hand for emphasis. “. . . I just end up watching that eagle’s nest. You’ve completely ruined me.”
A smile lit Sondra’s eyes, and she leaned close. “And Ray thinks it’s crazy.”
Allyson laughed. “And you know, seriously. I can’t stop watching. It’s like crazy.” She placed an open hand on the table, feeling the cool Formica under her fingers. Allyson closed her eyes and let her words tumble out. “I don’t know . . . she’s so . . . there. You know?”
Allyson pounded soft fists on the table. “Like, she’s peaceful. Happy.” She glanced up and realized that tears rimmed her eyes. “Are you . . .” Allyson swallowed, laying her heart on the table between them. “Are you . . . happy?”
The burden came again. Heavy. Big. And it settled on her chest. It was always there, even though she tried to ignore it. And sometimes—like now—it seemed heavier than others.
“Look, Ally. Life is not about a . . . parking space.” Sondra briefly glanced over Ally’s shoulder to where Mattie Mae was still bowling. “It’s not about God taking away all our problems and making everything perfect.” She clasped her hands together. “It’s about finding . . . meaning and joy and purpose in . . .” She motioned to the space around her. “This. In the crazy. In the chaos. It’s about knowing God is with you in the good days and the bad days.”
Why can’t I be more like Sondra?
Allyson pushed that question from her mind. Maybe that had been the whole point of this night, to learn to be more flexible. To learn to find peace no matter where she was. To let things go. To go along for the ride, and so far she had failed completely. She took a deep breath and focused on Sondra’s gaze.
“I am really sorry about the horrifying display out there.” She drug out the words and her eyes darted to the side. “I actually think I’m going a little crazy.”
Sondra’s brow furrowed as she listened, and then she shook her head, dismissing Allyson’s apology. She offered a compassionate gaze. “You were just having a moment.” She reached over and patted Ally’s hand.
She leaned forward, offering a confession. “Yeah, well it was like my fifth one this week.”
Sondra didn’t seem surprised, or even horrified. “It happens to everyone.”
A half-laugh emerged from Allyson’s lips. For some reason she didn’t believe Sondra. She laughed again under her breath. “Really? Somehow I can’t picture you having a moment .” Sure, she’d seen Sondra blow up at Zoe a little, but that was different from Allyson’s display in front of total strangers.
Sondra smiled a knowing smile, and Allyson waited for what she had to say. But then, Sondra’s look changed and she put on the peppy, happy face again.
“So how’s the blog going?” Sondra asked instead. She played with the straw in her drink cup; as if that was the most important thing she had to think about. She took a sip from her drink and then wiped the corner of her mouth with a finger. Sondra had no reason to worry. Her hair was perfect. Her makeup was perfect, and there wasn’t even the smallest smudge on her lipstick.
“Oh, the blog.” Allyson bounced a little in her chair, and tilted her head to the side, trying to find the right words. “It’s—it’s not coming, really at all.” Allyson lifted up her straw and swirled it around in her cup. “I can’t—I can’t really find anything worth saying.” She rested her elbow on the table and then rested her cheek on her hand.
“And almost every time I sit down to try . . Allyson stretched out her hand for emphasis. “. . . I just end up watching that eagle’s nest. You’ve completely ruined me.”
A smile lit Sondra’s eyes, and she leaned close. “And Ray thinks it’s crazy.”
Allyson laughed. “And you know, seriously. I can’t stop watching. It’s like crazy.” She placed an open hand on the table, feeling the cool Formica under her fingers. Allyson closed her eyes and let her words tumble out. “I don’t know . . . she’s so . . . there. You know?”
Allyson pounded soft fists on the table. “Like, she’s peaceful. Happy.” She glanced up and realized that tears rimmed her eyes. “Are you . . .” Allyson swallowed, laying her heart on the table between them. “Are you . . . happy?”
The burden came again. Heavy. Big. And it settled on her chest. It was always there, even though she tried to ignore it. And sometimes—like now—it seemed heavier than others.
“Look, Ally. Life is not about a . . . parking space.” Sondra briefly glanced over Ally’s shoulder to where Mattie Mae was still bowling. “It’s not about God taking away all our problems and making everything perfect.” She clasped her hands together. “It’s about finding . . . meaning and joy and purpose in . . .” She motioned to the space around her. “This. In the crazy. In the chaos. It’s about knowing God is with you in the good days and the bad days.”
Similar Books
