arrived at the club with Bryan, so we got to go in through the back entrance, but after we met the band, the manager sent us into the main bar. Oz was flashy. Or at least what I considered flashy. This place was surreal. Everyone wore something glowing. Necklaces, headbands, bracelets, body paint, even people’s tongues were neon electric blue or pink. Attire ranged from casual shorts and shirts to beachwear, including a good number of guys wearing just a mankini or a thong. I couldn’t imagine going out in public dressed like that, let alone grinding in a crowded room dressed like that.
What I did like was that no one seemed to give anyone a second look. I felt like I was probably the most judgmental person in the room.
Not that I was trying to judge anyone. It was just all new to me. Not bad.
Just… different. What I loved was that when Tanner wanted to dance, I didn’t feel the least bit weird about joining him on the dance floor, not even when we got close and the crowds packed tighter, not even when I could feel him hard against my ass or when he leaned over and kissed me.
Being able to be with him like that, out in the open, was freeing.
Like there wasn’t anything I needed to hide or pretend. I watched the men around us. Guys in tank tops rubbing against men in button-downs.
Couples holding hands. Some just meeting. Some with matching wedding bands. All of them out, letting the world know they were gay. It gave me hope and scared me in equal measure. This was paradise, not reality.
While it was nice to know paradise existed, I also knew it wasn’t where I lived. The land Tanner and I were going back to at the end of the summer wouldn’t look kindly on us. Hiding had been hard before. After being out like this, for months, I couldn’t imagine going back in the closet. But I couldn’t imagine not being there either. Not at school.
Bryan’s band performed two sets. He had the most beautiful voice.
I’d heard him sing around the house, but onstage, with microphones and a band backing him up, he was mesmerizing. It was no wonder there was a revolving door of men in and out of his bedroom. He oozed confidence and sex appeal onstage. And he was gorgeous no matter where he was.
“Well,” Bryan asked when he came offstage. “What’d ya think?”
The bartender handed him a beer and gestured to see if I wanted another. I waved a hand to say no.
“You were great. I only recognized a few covers. Are all the rest originals?”
He flashed his movie star smile at me. “All mine. Except that last song. The drummer wrote that.”
“Well, you sounded amazing. I can’t believe a label hasn’t picked you guys up yet.”
He leaned closer. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Sure.”
“A producer came to hear us last night. They’re going to offer to sign us, and I think we’re gonna say yes.”
“Wow. Shit. That’s insane. You must be stoked.”
“I won’t believe it till we’ve signed the paper, but yeah, I was pretty blown away when I heard about the offer. That’s been my dream for, like, six years.”
“All good things to those who wait, man….”
“You said it.” He clinked his beer against mine.
Tanner came up behind me. “What are we toasting?”
“Can I tell him?” I asked.
“Sure. You two are practically married. I just assume what one of you knows, the other knows.”
Married.
Do we give off a married vibe? Is that a good thing? A happily married couple? The thought didn’t scare me as much as I thought it should. I couldn’t imagine not having Tanner in my life. Agreeing to spend the rest of my life with him didn’t seem like it would be a bad thing in any way. In fact it sounded awesome. Maybe not now… but some day.
Tanner put his hand on my back, and I leaned into his touch. The smile on his face made my heart switch places with my stomach. Did he know what I was thinking? Did he feel the same way? And when the fuck had I started thinking about spending my life
What I did like was that no one seemed to give anyone a second look. I felt like I was probably the most judgmental person in the room.
Not that I was trying to judge anyone. It was just all new to me. Not bad.
Just… different. What I loved was that when Tanner wanted to dance, I didn’t feel the least bit weird about joining him on the dance floor, not even when we got close and the crowds packed tighter, not even when I could feel him hard against my ass or when he leaned over and kissed me.
Being able to be with him like that, out in the open, was freeing.
Like there wasn’t anything I needed to hide or pretend. I watched the men around us. Guys in tank tops rubbing against men in button-downs.
Couples holding hands. Some just meeting. Some with matching wedding bands. All of them out, letting the world know they were gay. It gave me hope and scared me in equal measure. This was paradise, not reality.
While it was nice to know paradise existed, I also knew it wasn’t where I lived. The land Tanner and I were going back to at the end of the summer wouldn’t look kindly on us. Hiding had been hard before. After being out like this, for months, I couldn’t imagine going back in the closet. But I couldn’t imagine not being there either. Not at school.
Bryan’s band performed two sets. He had the most beautiful voice.
I’d heard him sing around the house, but onstage, with microphones and a band backing him up, he was mesmerizing. It was no wonder there was a revolving door of men in and out of his bedroom. He oozed confidence and sex appeal onstage. And he was gorgeous no matter where he was.
“Well,” Bryan asked when he came offstage. “What’d ya think?”
The bartender handed him a beer and gestured to see if I wanted another. I waved a hand to say no.
“You were great. I only recognized a few covers. Are all the rest originals?”
He flashed his movie star smile at me. “All mine. Except that last song. The drummer wrote that.”
“Well, you sounded amazing. I can’t believe a label hasn’t picked you guys up yet.”
He leaned closer. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Sure.”
“A producer came to hear us last night. They’re going to offer to sign us, and I think we’re gonna say yes.”
“Wow. Shit. That’s insane. You must be stoked.”
“I won’t believe it till we’ve signed the paper, but yeah, I was pretty blown away when I heard about the offer. That’s been my dream for, like, six years.”
“All good things to those who wait, man….”
“You said it.” He clinked his beer against mine.
Tanner came up behind me. “What are we toasting?”
“Can I tell him?” I asked.
“Sure. You two are practically married. I just assume what one of you knows, the other knows.”
Married.
Do we give off a married vibe? Is that a good thing? A happily married couple? The thought didn’t scare me as much as I thought it should. I couldn’t imagine not having Tanner in my life. Agreeing to spend the rest of my life with him didn’t seem like it would be a bad thing in any way. In fact it sounded awesome. Maybe not now… but some day.
Tanner put his hand on my back, and I leaned into his touch. The smile on his face made my heart switch places with my stomach. Did he know what I was thinking? Did he feel the same way? And when the fuck had I started thinking about spending my life
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