disturbed, she says, just like the boys involved in today’s school shooting in Maryland . Let me warn you that the video we are about to show of the event has some very disturbing content.
Dad grabs the remote and shuts off the TV.
We both sit on the sofa without moving.
I hug the Mission book but it’s not the same as my Dictionary. It doesn’t take away the recess feeling in my stomach.
I would rather be under the sofa cushion than on top of it but I’m frozen in place.
We both look at the chest in the corner.
Dad sighs.
There is no face for Disturbed on the Facial Expressions Chart so I don’t know exactly what it looks like. But I know it’s not good. It’s the kind of face that gives you a bad feeling because I thought everything would be okay now that we’re working on the chest. But it’s still not.
CHAPTER 30
FRIENDS
OKAY, I TELL MRS. BROOK, NOW it’s soon. I’m ready.
For what?
She doesn’t Get It. The whole friendship thing. It’s time now.
Oh Caitlin! Mrs. Brook claps. I’m delighted! What changed your mind?
Dad is working on the chest. It’s hard for him. He really has to Work At It. If he can do it then I guess I can too. And also . . . maybe it really will help me get to Closure. The chest alone does not seem to be working.
I’m so proud of you!
I know.
I think you’re really going to like this.
I shake my head. I don’t think I’m going to like it at all. I think it’s going to hurt. But after the hurt I think maybe something good and strong and beautiful will come out of it. Just like Dad said about the chest.
Mrs. Brook smiles so wide she has two rows of dimples. Her cheeks puff up and her eyes squish and water comes out of them and her face looks a little bit like a sponge.
At reading buddies time I manage not to scare my buddy. I keep my voice down. And I smile. Sometimes. I think it’s a good start.
I do the special wave to Michael across the room. I think he grins even more than when Josh high-fives him which makes me feel very happy about how good I am at friendship.
In the cafeteria I sit down next to Laura who is very pretty and very popular. I think she should be my friend.
What are you doing? Laura asks.
Sitting next to you.
Why?
Because I want you to be my friend.
Laura looks at the people around her. They are all giggling and holding their trays but not sitting down. These are the girls who usually sit at Laura’s table.
You can sit down, I tell them.
They look at each other and laugh or roll their eyes.
You’re sitting where Anna sits, Laura says.
Oh, I say. It’s nice of her to tell me because I honestly don’t remember where every one of them sits. I take a bite of my cheese sandwich.
So move, Laura says. Her eyes are getting squishy and narrow.
I Look At The Person. Where do you want me to sit?
At a different table.
I take my tray and go to the table where I normally sit. Okay. That did not work. I can try someone else. But first I eat my sandwich because I’m hungry.
When I finish both halves I notice Mia at the next table. She is not as pretty and not as popular as Laura but she could still be a good friend.
I go over to her and say, Hi.
Then I go back to my table and drink my juice box.
When I’m done I go say, How are you? to Mia because that’s being polite.
O-kaaay, she says slowly.
I go back and sit down. Then I realize maybe she’s not okay because her okay sounded kind of weird.
I go back to her. Hi.
She stares at me. So do Emma and some other girls who are with her. What do you want? Mia asks.
I want you to be my friend.
Like for today?
No. Forever.
I—I don’t really know you.
That’s okay. I can tell you what you need to know.
Um . . . I really just want to be alone. Mia starts giggling.
Emma frowns at her. Mi-a! she says in Dad’s warning voice.
I can still Work At being a friend though because all through lunch people keep coming up to Mia and bothering her. Every single time I go
Dad grabs the remote and shuts off the TV.
We both sit on the sofa without moving.
I hug the Mission book but it’s not the same as my Dictionary. It doesn’t take away the recess feeling in my stomach.
I would rather be under the sofa cushion than on top of it but I’m frozen in place.
We both look at the chest in the corner.
Dad sighs.
There is no face for Disturbed on the Facial Expressions Chart so I don’t know exactly what it looks like. But I know it’s not good. It’s the kind of face that gives you a bad feeling because I thought everything would be okay now that we’re working on the chest. But it’s still not.
CHAPTER 30
FRIENDS
OKAY, I TELL MRS. BROOK, NOW it’s soon. I’m ready.
For what?
She doesn’t Get It. The whole friendship thing. It’s time now.
Oh Caitlin! Mrs. Brook claps. I’m delighted! What changed your mind?
Dad is working on the chest. It’s hard for him. He really has to Work At It. If he can do it then I guess I can too. And also . . . maybe it really will help me get to Closure. The chest alone does not seem to be working.
I’m so proud of you!
I know.
I think you’re really going to like this.
I shake my head. I don’t think I’m going to like it at all. I think it’s going to hurt. But after the hurt I think maybe something good and strong and beautiful will come out of it. Just like Dad said about the chest.
Mrs. Brook smiles so wide she has two rows of dimples. Her cheeks puff up and her eyes squish and water comes out of them and her face looks a little bit like a sponge.
At reading buddies time I manage not to scare my buddy. I keep my voice down. And I smile. Sometimes. I think it’s a good start.
I do the special wave to Michael across the room. I think he grins even more than when Josh high-fives him which makes me feel very happy about how good I am at friendship.
In the cafeteria I sit down next to Laura who is very pretty and very popular. I think she should be my friend.
What are you doing? Laura asks.
Sitting next to you.
Why?
Because I want you to be my friend.
Laura looks at the people around her. They are all giggling and holding their trays but not sitting down. These are the girls who usually sit at Laura’s table.
You can sit down, I tell them.
They look at each other and laugh or roll their eyes.
You’re sitting where Anna sits, Laura says.
Oh, I say. It’s nice of her to tell me because I honestly don’t remember where every one of them sits. I take a bite of my cheese sandwich.
So move, Laura says. Her eyes are getting squishy and narrow.
I Look At The Person. Where do you want me to sit?
At a different table.
I take my tray and go to the table where I normally sit. Okay. That did not work. I can try someone else. But first I eat my sandwich because I’m hungry.
When I finish both halves I notice Mia at the next table. She is not as pretty and not as popular as Laura but she could still be a good friend.
I go over to her and say, Hi.
Then I go back to my table and drink my juice box.
When I’m done I go say, How are you? to Mia because that’s being polite.
O-kaaay, she says slowly.
I go back and sit down. Then I realize maybe she’s not okay because her okay sounded kind of weird.
I go back to her. Hi.
She stares at me. So do Emma and some other girls who are with her. What do you want? Mia asks.
I want you to be my friend.
Like for today?
No. Forever.
I—I don’t really know you.
That’s okay. I can tell you what you need to know.
Um . . . I really just want to be alone. Mia starts giggling.
Emma frowns at her. Mi-a! she says in Dad’s warning voice.
I can still Work At being a friend though because all through lunch people keep coming up to Mia and bothering her. Every single time I go
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