window. She still found it hard to meet my eyes. “The medicine helps even though it makes me sleepy. But I should be able to leave in a day or two if you can put up with me that long.”
“Oh, Hazel Marie, please don’t say that. I don’t want you to leave at all. If you’d only reconsider, we could come up with something that would make it easier for you.”
She gave me a quick glance, then turned her eyes away again. “There’s nothing that’ll make it easier.”
“Well, let me think about it.” So I did for a second or two. “How about this? What if we say you married an old friend but didn’t tell anybody because you realized right away that you’d made a mistake. You’re in the process of getting a divorce and, that way, Hazel Marie, everybody will admire you for having the baby even though your heart is broken.”
She managed a faint smile. “I can see us spreading that around. LuAnne and Emma Sue would want to know the details—when we were married, how long we lived together, and why you didn’t know anything about it. They’d be counting on their fingers and coming up with more questions. They all know about J.D., too, and they’d be asking what happened to him.” She took a Kleenex from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes. “Besides, I’m not very good at telling stories. Somebody would ask me something and I wouldn’t know what to say.”
She was right about that. Hazel Marie was as open and honest as the day is long, and I knew there was no way she could carry off an involved story like the one I’d just dreamed up. Emma Sue, with the best will in the world, would ask her a question and Hazel Marie would be like a deer in the middle of the road, too stunned to move, much less answer.
“Well,” I said, “maybe that’s not such a good idea, but I’d be willing to try it if it would keep you here. I want you to know how much we all care for you.”
That brought on a full-blown spate of sobs and more apologies for letting me down and bringing shame on my head.
“Listen, now,” I said, when she was able to listen. “Just don’t do anything for a week or so. Say, two or three. You’re still recovering, and it would be awful if you went some place far off and got sick again. You shouldn’t even think of moving until you’re strong and healthy and able to make some wise decisions. I mean, you’ll need to decide just where you’ll go, and then make arrangements for a place to live and find out what kind of doctors are there.” I stopped and did a little looking around myself as I approached the subject of greatest concern. “What have you told Lloyd? Have you talked to him?”
She shook her head. “No’m, not yet. I’m not sure I can, I’m just dreading it so. Because as soon as I do, he’ll know what kind of mother he has.”
“Now listen to me,” I said, leaning toward her. “All he needs to know is that you were in love and planning to be married. Eventually, at least, because you were. Lloyd and everybody else knows how much you loved Mr. Pickens, so they’re not going to blame you. Lloyd certainly won’t.”
I could hardly believe I’d said such a thing, and further, that I firmly believed it. Never before had I been known to offer any excuse for such behavior as Hazel Marie had so obviously indulged in. Yet here I was, not only excusing it, but finding justification for it, and using love , of all nebulous and unreliable things, to justify it. There was a time, not so long ago, when I would’ve averted my eyes and walked on past any unmarried mother-to-be. There would have been some pity in my heart, knowing what the mother and her unborn child were up against, but my basic feeling would’ve been that she was reaping what she’d sown, and getting exactly what she deserved.
Well, you do live and learn, or at least, I do, especially when someone you care for finds herself in that kind of predicament. Things look a little different on the other side of the
“Oh, Hazel Marie, please don’t say that. I don’t want you to leave at all. If you’d only reconsider, we could come up with something that would make it easier for you.”
She gave me a quick glance, then turned her eyes away again. “There’s nothing that’ll make it easier.”
“Well, let me think about it.” So I did for a second or two. “How about this? What if we say you married an old friend but didn’t tell anybody because you realized right away that you’d made a mistake. You’re in the process of getting a divorce and, that way, Hazel Marie, everybody will admire you for having the baby even though your heart is broken.”
She managed a faint smile. “I can see us spreading that around. LuAnne and Emma Sue would want to know the details—when we were married, how long we lived together, and why you didn’t know anything about it. They’d be counting on their fingers and coming up with more questions. They all know about J.D., too, and they’d be asking what happened to him.” She took a Kleenex from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes. “Besides, I’m not very good at telling stories. Somebody would ask me something and I wouldn’t know what to say.”
She was right about that. Hazel Marie was as open and honest as the day is long, and I knew there was no way she could carry off an involved story like the one I’d just dreamed up. Emma Sue, with the best will in the world, would ask her a question and Hazel Marie would be like a deer in the middle of the road, too stunned to move, much less answer.
“Well,” I said, “maybe that’s not such a good idea, but I’d be willing to try it if it would keep you here. I want you to know how much we all care for you.”
That brought on a full-blown spate of sobs and more apologies for letting me down and bringing shame on my head.
“Listen, now,” I said, when she was able to listen. “Just don’t do anything for a week or so. Say, two or three. You’re still recovering, and it would be awful if you went some place far off and got sick again. You shouldn’t even think of moving until you’re strong and healthy and able to make some wise decisions. I mean, you’ll need to decide just where you’ll go, and then make arrangements for a place to live and find out what kind of doctors are there.” I stopped and did a little looking around myself as I approached the subject of greatest concern. “What have you told Lloyd? Have you talked to him?”
She shook her head. “No’m, not yet. I’m not sure I can, I’m just dreading it so. Because as soon as I do, he’ll know what kind of mother he has.”
“Now listen to me,” I said, leaning toward her. “All he needs to know is that you were in love and planning to be married. Eventually, at least, because you were. Lloyd and everybody else knows how much you loved Mr. Pickens, so they’re not going to blame you. Lloyd certainly won’t.”
I could hardly believe I’d said such a thing, and further, that I firmly believed it. Never before had I been known to offer any excuse for such behavior as Hazel Marie had so obviously indulged in. Yet here I was, not only excusing it, but finding justification for it, and using love , of all nebulous and unreliable things, to justify it. There was a time, not so long ago, when I would’ve averted my eyes and walked on past any unmarried mother-to-be. There would have been some pity in my heart, knowing what the mother and her unborn child were up against, but my basic feeling would’ve been that she was reaping what she’d sown, and getting exactly what she deserved.
Well, you do live and learn, or at least, I do, especially when someone you care for finds herself in that kind of predicament. Things look a little different on the other side of the
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