Miriam's Heart by Emma Miller

hands were shaking as she punched the button that dialed John.
    He answered on the second ring. “Miriam?”
    “Ya. It’s me.”
    “I was wondering if you’d found a way to go with me tomorrow to Easton to pick up those supplies for the practice. I don’t want to get you in trouble, but…but I really want you to come.”
    “I promised Mam I’d go to Johanna’s tomorrow. To help her with the applesauce. I don’t know how to get out of it.” She wouldn’t tell him about getting caught with the phone, at least not now she wouldn’t. The fault was hers. How could she have been so foolish as to leave it turned on in her pocket? Now everyone in the family had had a laugh at her expense, Susanna would spread the news at church and there would be a price to pay later with Mam.
    “I’m not leaving until eleven. I have to make two calls first in the morning. If you change your mind, you can reach me. How’s Molly?”
    “There’s still a discharge from the hoof, but I’m cleaning it exactly like you showed me.” Now that they were talking about the mare, Miriam felt more comfortable. She knew that she should hang up and return to the house to clean up the supper dishes, but it was nice sitting here in the semi-darkness chatting with John. She loved hearing the sound of his voice, and when he spoke, she could picture him as he’d been at lunch.
    Would it be so terrible if she went with him in the truck tomorrow? She wasn’t a child. She was a woman grown. Surely, she could ride in a friend’s vehicle and have lunch at a restaurant without causing a scandal, couldn’t she?
     
    The following morning, Miriam sat across from Johanna at her kitchen table, explaining last night’s disaster with the cell phone. Her sister had cut a generous slice of Mam’s pie for each of them and had made a pot of herbal tea. Little Jonah was playing on the floor with a wooden top and the baby was asleep upstairs.
    “I tell you, Mam didn’t blink an eye,” Miriam said.
    “I wish I could have been there.” Johanna chuckled. “I would have loved to see Susanna and that silly Eli.”
    “But I feel so bad.”
    “For what? Being young?” Johanna cut off a forkful of pie, bent and popped it into Jonah’s mouth.
    “More!” he cried.
    “No more until after your lunch.” Johanna wiped the corner of his mouth with her thumb. “Who didn’t eat his cereal this morning?”
    “I like pie.”
    “I’m sure you do. Now, be a good boy and run upstairs and see if Katie is still sleeping.”
    Obediently, Jonah scampered away to do as she’d asked. When he was safely out of hearing range, Johanna clasped Miriam’s hand. “You’re doing nothing wrong, sister,” she said. “You’re rumspringa.”
    “You know our church doesn’t recognize rumspringa.”
    “Not officially, because they’re concerned for our safety.” Johanna gave her a sly smile. “But they recognize the spirit of it. Within limits. The point is that you’re young and not yet baptized. You’re supposed to jump the fence now and then.”
    “But with a Mennonite boy?” Miriam had already told Johanna about John, about how she felt about him and about the invitation to ride to Easton with him. The only thing she hadn’t shared was what had happened with Charley and his friends at Spence’s.
    Johanna squeezed her hand. “The man you pick will be your husband for the rest of your life. Don’t choose too hastily and don’t close any doors.”
    “But if…” It was hard to talk about this, even with Johanna, because she didn’t know herself what she wanted. “What if I don’t know what I want? Who I want? Everyone’s trying to pair me up with Charley, but my heart tells me that John…” She let her sentence go unfinished; she didn’t know quite what she was trying to say.
    Johanna made a small sound of impatience. “You have to be careful with that. Your heart can play tricks on you. You’ve known Charley all your life. He’s a good man, steady