the lines of communication open, you prevent feelings of anger and frustration from building up to be more than they should be.
Here’s a letter that I received from a reader who was struggling to understand the difference between nagging and communicating. The root of her question was, do we have a right to speak up when we’re not happy with a situation?
Dear Darlene,
I’m having a little trouble understanding the difference between nagging and my right to speak up when I should.
We’ve been married for fifteen years. During the first few years of marriage, my husband seemed to enjoy taking care of our house. He would fix little things that were broken and didn’t mind pitching in. Unfortunately things have changed. He’s always busy at work, and the house is a far second, which usually means that things don’t get done.
I wouldn’t complain except that things are falling apart, and I’m frustrated. It’s like he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care anymore. I’ve tried sliding it into conversation, but even that’s not what it used to be.
So here’s my question. Do I have a right to speak up? Do I have a voice in this marriage, or am I supposed to be quiet and let him live the way he wants to live?
Thanks so much,
Holding My Tongue
Dear Holding My Tongue,
Thank you for your letter. I’m so blessed that you are seeking God’s way for your marriage. Communication is important to both men and women. We don’t always see it that way because men communicate differently. Many women say that their husbands won’t talk to them, but if you stop to watch the way he expresses himself, after a while you’ll become more familiar with his method of communication.
It could be any one of several reasons why your husband doesn’t tend to duties around the house. I could guess and guess again, but without knowing him and your particular situation I would probably be off the mark.
So the best thing that I can suggest is to keep those lines of communication open. If it’s a matter of resentment, overwork, a sense of failure, stress, or distraction, he might finally come out and say it but not until he trusts you deeply with his heart.
You said, “Do I have a voice in this marriage, or am I supposed to be quiet and let him live the way he wants to live?” My answer would be to approach him with your requests but do so in love.
The Bible warns women about nagging, which tells us that this isn’t anything new. Women have been nagging their husbands for thousands of years, but through the Word, God shows us that there is a better way to communicate. We should approach our husbands with love and humility—a hope that holds no expectation. And above all, be kind, tenderhearted, and willing to forgive. That’s how you’ll win his heart.
Looking to the Bible, we see a prime example in Esther, who approached the king (her husband) with honor and respect. She made her petition known and left it in his hands to make the decision.
Another example is Jesus, who lived in submission to the Father in heaven. Praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He said, “Not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42).
Don’t misunderstand the meaning of biblical submission. We do have a voice and an opinion. If we stifle our pain and our hurt we may grow to resent the men we once loved. When bitterness sets in, it takes root and will grow over time unless it is removed and replaced with something better. Be encouraged to share your thoughts, but hold back on the resentment if things don’t go your way. Don’t forget that God is in control and can change things at any time. Just do your part, and let God handle the rest.
Blessings,
Darlene
How do you treat a box that arrives at your door labeled “Fragile: Handle with Care”? When I see that, I make every effort not to shake up the contents, tip the box, or cut into it quickly. Wouldn’t it be something if God stamped that message upon every person’s heart? If He
Here’s a letter that I received from a reader who was struggling to understand the difference between nagging and communicating. The root of her question was, do we have a right to speak up when we’re not happy with a situation?
Dear Darlene,
I’m having a little trouble understanding the difference between nagging and my right to speak up when I should.
We’ve been married for fifteen years. During the first few years of marriage, my husband seemed to enjoy taking care of our house. He would fix little things that were broken and didn’t mind pitching in. Unfortunately things have changed. He’s always busy at work, and the house is a far second, which usually means that things don’t get done.
I wouldn’t complain except that things are falling apart, and I’m frustrated. It’s like he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care anymore. I’ve tried sliding it into conversation, but even that’s not what it used to be.
So here’s my question. Do I have a right to speak up? Do I have a voice in this marriage, or am I supposed to be quiet and let him live the way he wants to live?
Thanks so much,
Holding My Tongue
Dear Holding My Tongue,
Thank you for your letter. I’m so blessed that you are seeking God’s way for your marriage. Communication is important to both men and women. We don’t always see it that way because men communicate differently. Many women say that their husbands won’t talk to them, but if you stop to watch the way he expresses himself, after a while you’ll become more familiar with his method of communication.
It could be any one of several reasons why your husband doesn’t tend to duties around the house. I could guess and guess again, but without knowing him and your particular situation I would probably be off the mark.
So the best thing that I can suggest is to keep those lines of communication open. If it’s a matter of resentment, overwork, a sense of failure, stress, or distraction, he might finally come out and say it but not until he trusts you deeply with his heart.
You said, “Do I have a voice in this marriage, or am I supposed to be quiet and let him live the way he wants to live?” My answer would be to approach him with your requests but do so in love.
The Bible warns women about nagging, which tells us that this isn’t anything new. Women have been nagging their husbands for thousands of years, but through the Word, God shows us that there is a better way to communicate. We should approach our husbands with love and humility—a hope that holds no expectation. And above all, be kind, tenderhearted, and willing to forgive. That’s how you’ll win his heart.
Looking to the Bible, we see a prime example in Esther, who approached the king (her husband) with honor and respect. She made her petition known and left it in his hands to make the decision.
Another example is Jesus, who lived in submission to the Father in heaven. Praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He said, “Not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42).
Don’t misunderstand the meaning of biblical submission. We do have a voice and an opinion. If we stifle our pain and our hurt we may grow to resent the men we once loved. When bitterness sets in, it takes root and will grow over time unless it is removed and replaced with something better. Be encouraged to share your thoughts, but hold back on the resentment if things don’t go your way. Don’t forget that God is in control and can change things at any time. Just do your part, and let God handle the rest.
Blessings,
Darlene
How do you treat a box that arrives at your door labeled “Fragile: Handle with Care”? When I see that, I make every effort not to shake up the contents, tip the box, or cut into it quickly. Wouldn’t it be something if God stamped that message upon every person’s heart? If He
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