Mended Affections (The Affections Series Book 2) by Elizabeth Wills Page A
Authors: Elizabeth Wills
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distracted again." I walk over to the bed, taking a seat on its edge.
I feel the bed dip as Rea takes a seat next to me. "I guess we should. I wish I knew where to begin."
I reach over and thread my fingers through hers, firmly grasping her hand. She doesn't need me to speak. She just needs my support.
"I've learned some things about myself over the last several months. It's freeing, but I also feel so guilty. It's like I'm discrediting the relationship that I shared with Dalton." She's looking down at our joined hands as she speaks. "Why do you think he did it?"
I'm surprised by her question, and I'm not sure what she means. "Did what?"
Rea raises her knee onto the bed and turns to face me. "Never found you for me. I lost a lot more than just you. I lost my best friend. When we got married things changed. I lost the person I could talk to about everything. He knew how much I loved you, and for the last year I've had trouble understanding how he could take advantage of my fragile state like he did."
"We can't blame Dalton for not finding me, Rea. The real question should be, why didn't you find me, or why didn't I come back to you?" I say.
Her eyes grow wide, as she takes in my statement. I don't want to blame him. I should have fought harder for her. She should have fought harder for me. It was our relationship to fight for, not his. He stepped in when I was too lost in my own lack of self-worth to fight for her. I never grieved for my parents in a healthy way, and it took a toll on me.
Her eyes turn down to her hands. "You don't understand; I died inside after you left. I couldn't even get out of bed."
I place a hand on each side of her neck, pulling her forward until our foreheads are pressed together. "We can't keep going back there. Besides, did you ever think that maybe he lost trust in me. He always protected your heart. All I did was break it. Please, let's not blame Dalton, it won't lead us anywhere good."
Her head nods just a fraction. "I feel guilty for feeling that way, but it keeps running through my mind. So many things were wrong back then. I did learn to truly love Dalton as my husband, but I lost who I was along the way," she sniffles and continues. "I don't want that to happen again. I'm afraid that if I give into these feelings I've had since you returned, while I'm still grieving, that I will fall back into the same routine."
Pushing back, I look deeply into her eyes. They are full of turmoil. An ache forms in my chest. I hate that she feels so lost. "I wish I could fix everything for you, and the boys, but I know I can't. I've been here before remember? Trying to work through a loss that makes no sense to a heart that is completely attached to someone taken way too soon. I can't fix your heart for you. It will never be whole, but if you need to find strength in yourself, to find you again, I will never stand in the way of that. I want you, Rea: the strong, sassy woman that I fell in love with, not someone who doesn't know who she is. Only you can figure that out."
Tears pool at the brim of her eyes. I can't imagine what she feels. I've been lost before, but only because I lost her to my best friend. I have never, not understood myself. I use my thumbs to brush her tears away.
"I've been thinking a lot about getting a job outside of the house. It would give me a reason to leave the house on a regular basis, an identity of my own," Rea says, with a hopeful look in her eyes. It's as if I hold the key to her door to some freedom.
"You say that as if you need permission. If you want to work, then you should work. I won't hold you back. I can be flexible with work to be available for the boys. You know, I run things differently than Dalton did. I don't need to be at the job site as often as he felt necessary. Not that we don't love having you here all the time, but we don't need you here every second of every day," I say, hoping she hears the sincerity behind me words.
"Yeah? You wouldn't mind?"
I feel the bed dip as Rea takes a seat next to me. "I guess we should. I wish I knew where to begin."
I reach over and thread my fingers through hers, firmly grasping her hand. She doesn't need me to speak. She just needs my support.
"I've learned some things about myself over the last several months. It's freeing, but I also feel so guilty. It's like I'm discrediting the relationship that I shared with Dalton." She's looking down at our joined hands as she speaks. "Why do you think he did it?"
I'm surprised by her question, and I'm not sure what she means. "Did what?"
Rea raises her knee onto the bed and turns to face me. "Never found you for me. I lost a lot more than just you. I lost my best friend. When we got married things changed. I lost the person I could talk to about everything. He knew how much I loved you, and for the last year I've had trouble understanding how he could take advantage of my fragile state like he did."
"We can't blame Dalton for not finding me, Rea. The real question should be, why didn't you find me, or why didn't I come back to you?" I say.
Her eyes grow wide, as she takes in my statement. I don't want to blame him. I should have fought harder for her. She should have fought harder for me. It was our relationship to fight for, not his. He stepped in when I was too lost in my own lack of self-worth to fight for her. I never grieved for my parents in a healthy way, and it took a toll on me.
Her eyes turn down to her hands. "You don't understand; I died inside after you left. I couldn't even get out of bed."
I place a hand on each side of her neck, pulling her forward until our foreheads are pressed together. "We can't keep going back there. Besides, did you ever think that maybe he lost trust in me. He always protected your heart. All I did was break it. Please, let's not blame Dalton, it won't lead us anywhere good."
Her head nods just a fraction. "I feel guilty for feeling that way, but it keeps running through my mind. So many things were wrong back then. I did learn to truly love Dalton as my husband, but I lost who I was along the way," she sniffles and continues. "I don't want that to happen again. I'm afraid that if I give into these feelings I've had since you returned, while I'm still grieving, that I will fall back into the same routine."
Pushing back, I look deeply into her eyes. They are full of turmoil. An ache forms in my chest. I hate that she feels so lost. "I wish I could fix everything for you, and the boys, but I know I can't. I've been here before remember? Trying to work through a loss that makes no sense to a heart that is completely attached to someone taken way too soon. I can't fix your heart for you. It will never be whole, but if you need to find strength in yourself, to find you again, I will never stand in the way of that. I want you, Rea: the strong, sassy woman that I fell in love with, not someone who doesn't know who she is. Only you can figure that out."
Tears pool at the brim of her eyes. I can't imagine what she feels. I've been lost before, but only because I lost her to my best friend. I have never, not understood myself. I use my thumbs to brush her tears away.
"I've been thinking a lot about getting a job outside of the house. It would give me a reason to leave the house on a regular basis, an identity of my own," Rea says, with a hopeful look in her eyes. It's as if I hold the key to her door to some freedom.
"You say that as if you need permission. If you want to work, then you should work. I won't hold you back. I can be flexible with work to be available for the boys. You know, I run things differently than Dalton did. I don't need to be at the job site as often as he felt necessary. Not that we don't love having you here all the time, but we don't need you here every second of every day," I say, hoping she hears the sincerity behind me words.
"Yeah? You wouldn't mind?"
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