tear it apart again. But there was no way she could blame him if he left. She had made her choices.
Mary wiped the tears from her eyes. This had gone on far too long. He would learn the truth somehow, of that she was sure. If he tried to find her in town, or went around with his friends, it would be found out. She shuddered to think how much worse it would be if he discovered that she had lied.
The entire time she had deceived herself into believing that omission was not the same as lying, but that was foolish and wrong. The guilt of that was nearly overwhelming. She wiped away the tears that ran down her cheeks, wanting to curl into a ball and disappear.
Once she was at the saloon she dashed to her room, thankful that the business was still closed and empty. She flew up the stairs and threw herself onto her bed and sobbed, allowing her emotions to take over.
Josie was sitting at the mirror trying her hair in various styles when Mary rushed in and fell to the bed in a storm of tears. Her shock and surprise held her still for a few moments before she could guess that something serious had gone wrong between Mary and her Jimmy, and she went over to soothe her friend.
Mary hadn’t even noticed Josie, and it was only when her friend sat on the bed and placed a hand on her back that she realized someone was in the room with her. Josie spoke, her voice soothing. “It’s all right. Everything will be fine, Mary. Calm yourself down, now. Tell me what’s wrong and I will help.”
The last few words were raspy, and ended in a harsh cough, that even through Mary’s daze of emotions sounded bad. The cough subsided quickly and Josie waited for Mary’s response.
Mary just shook her head. She could not discuss the flood of different feelings, the love and despair that were intertwined. Nor could she explain her resolution to tell Jimmy the truth, knowing that it would ruin everything. She had finally found something that could make her happy, and it was already destroyed because of choices that had been hardly choices at all. But how could she explain that? How could he accept what she had done?
She lay there lost in her own world for a long while, Josie sitting beside her. Eventually, her tears stopped and Josie helped her up. Mary’s exhaustion from the past several days and mental turmoil made her glad to allow someone else to take charge as Josie unlaced her dress and put her into bed, telling her to rest while she left to go tell Daisy that she was sick. Mary nodded and closed her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to shut out the world.
Mary spent the evening tossing and turning. Occasionally, she fell asleep, but soon she would awaken and go through the problem yet again, trying to find a way to keep Jimmy without continuing to lie to him. She thought there had to be a way, but nothing her mind invented sounded reasonable, and there was no way sweet, innocent Jimmy could look at what she did with anything but revulsion.
Every few hours, Josie came in and checked on her, speaking soothingly to her and telling her to close her eyes, get some sleep.
Mary knew her behavior worried Josie; she had always been the strong, independent, resilient one of the girls. Now she was weepy and frail, curled on her bed, and even Mary herself wasn’t sure exactly why.
Was she crying for Jimmy? Her unlikely hopes and dreams? The employment she had no choice but to take? It didn’t matter much, and it felt almost cathartic to let the tears fall.
Mary woke up after another few restless hours of sleep to find dawn outside the window and resolution in her heart. The time for tears and grief was over, she knew, and she had to prepare herself to go talk to Jimmy. This morning, before he left for work and she lost one more opportunity. She would tell him the truth and be honest about the situation.
She only needed to decide what exactly to say—perhaps the right words would stop him from leaving. She wanted help, and there
Mary wiped the tears from her eyes. This had gone on far too long. He would learn the truth somehow, of that she was sure. If he tried to find her in town, or went around with his friends, it would be found out. She shuddered to think how much worse it would be if he discovered that she had lied.
The entire time she had deceived herself into believing that omission was not the same as lying, but that was foolish and wrong. The guilt of that was nearly overwhelming. She wiped away the tears that ran down her cheeks, wanting to curl into a ball and disappear.
Once she was at the saloon she dashed to her room, thankful that the business was still closed and empty. She flew up the stairs and threw herself onto her bed and sobbed, allowing her emotions to take over.
Josie was sitting at the mirror trying her hair in various styles when Mary rushed in and fell to the bed in a storm of tears. Her shock and surprise held her still for a few moments before she could guess that something serious had gone wrong between Mary and her Jimmy, and she went over to soothe her friend.
Mary hadn’t even noticed Josie, and it was only when her friend sat on the bed and placed a hand on her back that she realized someone was in the room with her. Josie spoke, her voice soothing. “It’s all right. Everything will be fine, Mary. Calm yourself down, now. Tell me what’s wrong and I will help.”
The last few words were raspy, and ended in a harsh cough, that even through Mary’s daze of emotions sounded bad. The cough subsided quickly and Josie waited for Mary’s response.
Mary just shook her head. She could not discuss the flood of different feelings, the love and despair that were intertwined. Nor could she explain her resolution to tell Jimmy the truth, knowing that it would ruin everything. She had finally found something that could make her happy, and it was already destroyed because of choices that had been hardly choices at all. But how could she explain that? How could he accept what she had done?
She lay there lost in her own world for a long while, Josie sitting beside her. Eventually, her tears stopped and Josie helped her up. Mary’s exhaustion from the past several days and mental turmoil made her glad to allow someone else to take charge as Josie unlaced her dress and put her into bed, telling her to rest while she left to go tell Daisy that she was sick. Mary nodded and closed her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to shut out the world.
Mary spent the evening tossing and turning. Occasionally, she fell asleep, but soon she would awaken and go through the problem yet again, trying to find a way to keep Jimmy without continuing to lie to him. She thought there had to be a way, but nothing her mind invented sounded reasonable, and there was no way sweet, innocent Jimmy could look at what she did with anything but revulsion.
Every few hours, Josie came in and checked on her, speaking soothingly to her and telling her to close her eyes, get some sleep.
Mary knew her behavior worried Josie; she had always been the strong, independent, resilient one of the girls. Now she was weepy and frail, curled on her bed, and even Mary herself wasn’t sure exactly why.
Was she crying for Jimmy? Her unlikely hopes and dreams? The employment she had no choice but to take? It didn’t matter much, and it felt almost cathartic to let the tears fall.
Mary woke up after another few restless hours of sleep to find dawn outside the window and resolution in her heart. The time for tears and grief was over, she knew, and she had to prepare herself to go talk to Jimmy. This morning, before he left for work and she lost one more opportunity. She would tell him the truth and be honest about the situation.
She only needed to decide what exactly to say—perhaps the right words would stop him from leaving. She wanted help, and there
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