Megan's Way by Melissa Foster

you weren’t
going to have a mom anymore? I just couldn’t.” She shook her head,
brought her hand up to cup Olivia’s cheek. “My baby girl—i love you
so much. I didn’t want you to suffer longer than you had to.”
    “But what about you, Mom? Aren’t
you…suffering?” she asked quietly.
    “Only in my heart, baby,” Megan said. “What
happened?” Olivia asked.
    Megan explained about the cancer and the
speed with which it had taken over her body. She told Olivia about
her prognosis and the great pain that she took in making her
decision to stop taking the medication and to forgo further
treatment. While she relayed her battle to her daughter, she
couldn’t help but second guess every decision she had ever made
throughout her life. Should she have told Olivia who her father
was? Should she have taken the medication? Should she have ended
things with Lawrence?
    Olivia listened intently, trying to imagine
her mother actually making the final decision to let herself die.
She couldn’t put the picture together in her mind. She knew her
mother had been sick, and it was obvious by her size and demeanor
that she was not going to get better, but the thought that her
mother had made that choice was too much for her to bear.
She tried not to hear the rest of what Megan had to say, staring
out the window and filling her head with thoughts of the previous
summer instead.
    Megan continued, noticing Olivia’s vacant
stare. She explained to Olivia that if she were to continue
medications and try surgery, it would be weeks of hospitalizations
and months of chemo and radiation, and in the end, she still
wouldn’t live. As she spoke, Olivia’s facial expression didn’t
waiver. Her eyes didn’t shift, her breathing didn’t hitch. She was
no longer there. She’s found a safe place to hide .
    A single lonely tear slipped silently down
Olivia’s cheek.
    “I’m so sorry, Olivia,” Megan said, her own
eyes turning to liquid. Her voice became a whisper, “The idea of
you watching me deteriorate, all the while hoping that I would live
longer, it just—”
    Olivia leaned into her mother, resting her
forehead on her chest, or what was left of it. She whispered,
“Stop, Mom. I get it. I know. I can’t hear anymore.”
    Megan stroked her daughter’s head.
    “What will I do without you?” Olivia asked,
the words, muffled by Megan’s chest and shirt, filled with
fear.
    “You will go on, baby. You will live your
life, and love your life. You will live as if I am still here.” She
leaned back and put her hands on Olivia’s wet cheeks, wiping her
tears with her thumbs. “Baby, I’ll still be here.” She placed her
hand on Olivia’s heart. “I’ll always be here. You just won’t be
able to see me.”
    “Or maybe I will,” Olivia said, and tried to
force a smile. “I mean, how many other mothers feel their
children’s pain, right? Maybe I will be able to see you.”
Olivia had hope in her eyes.
    “Maybe, I hope so, and if there is a way, I
will try, but Olivia, you must know that I want you to continue on
with your life. Have a wonderful life! Do it for me.”
    “Where will I go, Mom? I mean, who will want
me to live with them?” Olivia asked, letting her sad gaze drop
toward the bedspread.
    They both turned at the sound of Holly’s
voice. “Why, Olivia, how could you not think I would want you? I
adore you. Jack adores you.”
    Olivia looked at her mother with a question
in her eyes, but remained silent.
    Megan nodded her head. “Holly has always been
like your mom, right? She’s been here for us always.”
    “Yeah, but—” Olivia said.
    “But what, honey?” Megan asked.
    “But they don’t have kids. I’ll be a pain to
them, a burden,” Olivia said.
    Holly walked to the bed and knelt in front of
Olivia. “Livi, how could you ever be a burden to me? I cherish you.
I love you. We both do.”
    “Livi, we decided this long ago when you were
just a little girl. Holly has always wanted you. She’s