near the door, Total raised his furry eyebrows at me, but he didn’t say anything.
Nudge, on the other hand, was incredulous. “You wanted this! The flock split up, everyone left us because you wanted to come back to this island!”
“I know. But that was before…”
Before I knew my family was really dead.
Before I heard Jonny’s theories.
Before it seemed like someone could be held accountable.
“That was before we knew the vaccine was wiped out in the tsunami,” I said. “Now there’s no reason for us to stay. I mean, don’t you want to know what happened? Don’t you want some answers?”
“No!” Nudge shook her head emphatically. “That’s why I didn’t leave with Angel. I know more than I ever wanted to know already, and most of it’s terrible. I’m tired, Max. Tired of flying around hoping for something better. The Aquatics have a good thing going here—rarities like, you know, food and actual beds.” She waved her pillow. “These kids are survivors, just like us, and we’re lucky they made us welcome.”
“These kids are not like us. These kids are
sociopaths
.”
Nudge shrugged. “Maybe their culture is just uncomplicated.”
“Staying here won’t help you forget about the past,” I said gently.
“And leaving won’t help you change it,” she bit back. “The world ended, Max, and I promise, nobody blames you for not being able to save it. You don’t have to go.”
I held Nudge’s gaze for a long time, weighing her words. “I need to know the truth,” I said quietly. “I didn’t before. But now I think… I think truth is better than relative safety.”
Nudge nodded and hugged her pillow close, and I knew she wouldn’t change her mind.
“So—you’re going to stay here,” I said, just to make sure.
Nudge nodded again.
I looked at Total. The Scottie dog stood up, puffed out his wiry chest, and seemed to grow a little taller. “I will miss you, of course, Max. But I will stay here with Nudge. I need… time to heal. Time to reflect.”
“Of course you do,” I said, picking him up. He snuggled his head into my shoulder, and I tried not to cry. Nothing about my life made sense—I was going on pure instinct, and it was like walking on a tightrope, with the safety net of my flock gone.
When Total looked up, his chocolate eyes were glistening.
“Here,” Nudge said, taking an oversized sweatshirt from her bedding. “Rizal said temperatures are dropping—they can sense the extra oxygen in the water.”
“It’s okay. I don’t need—”
Nudge rolled her eyes. “I know. You don’t need any help from anyone. I’m trying to give you a farewell gift. Just take it, okay?”
“My Nudgelet.” Her spiral curls were fuzzy from sleep, and I kissed the top of her head affectionately. “You take extra good care of yourself, hear? If I come back and find you dead, I personally will haul you out of the grave and kill you again.”
My stern lecture earned a watery smile. “You take care, too, Max.”
As I walked through the cavernous halls toward the tunnel entrance, it was the first time in a long time I’d been alone, and if I’m being honest, it scared the crap out of me.
But there was one other thing Jonny had said that stuck with me:
“There’s always someone in the group who’s a little vulnerable.”
On my own, at least I’d be forced to be strong.
33
I LEFT THE caves at low tide, because the last thing I wanted to do was set foot in that water again.
I flew as long as I could through the tunnel, squeezing my body into the small space between the waves and the ceiling and flapping my wings in stunted little flicks. I was still forced underwater a few times, and I was on such high alert that I almost strangled a rogue piece of seaweed.
When I finally burst out of the tunnel, I was so happy to be free that I wanted to stay in the air forever—I didn’t care how polluted it was.
Let me tell you, that feeling got old real fast.
I started off
Nudge, on the other hand, was incredulous. “You wanted this! The flock split up, everyone left us because you wanted to come back to this island!”
“I know. But that was before…”
Before I knew my family was really dead.
Before I heard Jonny’s theories.
Before it seemed like someone could be held accountable.
“That was before we knew the vaccine was wiped out in the tsunami,” I said. “Now there’s no reason for us to stay. I mean, don’t you want to know what happened? Don’t you want some answers?”
“No!” Nudge shook her head emphatically. “That’s why I didn’t leave with Angel. I know more than I ever wanted to know already, and most of it’s terrible. I’m tired, Max. Tired of flying around hoping for something better. The Aquatics have a good thing going here—rarities like, you know, food and actual beds.” She waved her pillow. “These kids are survivors, just like us, and we’re lucky they made us welcome.”
“These kids are not like us. These kids are
sociopaths
.”
Nudge shrugged. “Maybe their culture is just uncomplicated.”
“Staying here won’t help you forget about the past,” I said gently.
“And leaving won’t help you change it,” she bit back. “The world ended, Max, and I promise, nobody blames you for not being able to save it. You don’t have to go.”
I held Nudge’s gaze for a long time, weighing her words. “I need to know the truth,” I said quietly. “I didn’t before. But now I think… I think truth is better than relative safety.”
Nudge nodded and hugged her pillow close, and I knew she wouldn’t change her mind.
“So—you’re going to stay here,” I said, just to make sure.
Nudge nodded again.
I looked at Total. The Scottie dog stood up, puffed out his wiry chest, and seemed to grow a little taller. “I will miss you, of course, Max. But I will stay here with Nudge. I need… time to heal. Time to reflect.”
“Of course you do,” I said, picking him up. He snuggled his head into my shoulder, and I tried not to cry. Nothing about my life made sense—I was going on pure instinct, and it was like walking on a tightrope, with the safety net of my flock gone.
When Total looked up, his chocolate eyes were glistening.
“Here,” Nudge said, taking an oversized sweatshirt from her bedding. “Rizal said temperatures are dropping—they can sense the extra oxygen in the water.”
“It’s okay. I don’t need—”
Nudge rolled her eyes. “I know. You don’t need any help from anyone. I’m trying to give you a farewell gift. Just take it, okay?”
“My Nudgelet.” Her spiral curls were fuzzy from sleep, and I kissed the top of her head affectionately. “You take extra good care of yourself, hear? If I come back and find you dead, I personally will haul you out of the grave and kill you again.”
My stern lecture earned a watery smile. “You take care, too, Max.”
As I walked through the cavernous halls toward the tunnel entrance, it was the first time in a long time I’d been alone, and if I’m being honest, it scared the crap out of me.
But there was one other thing Jonny had said that stuck with me:
“There’s always someone in the group who’s a little vulnerable.”
On my own, at least I’d be forced to be strong.
33
I LEFT THE caves at low tide, because the last thing I wanted to do was set foot in that water again.
I flew as long as I could through the tunnel, squeezing my body into the small space between the waves and the ceiling and flapping my wings in stunted little flicks. I was still forced underwater a few times, and I was on such high alert that I almost strangled a rogue piece of seaweed.
When I finally burst out of the tunnel, I was so happy to be free that I wanted to stay in the air forever—I didn’t care how polluted it was.
Let me tell you, that feeling got old real fast.
I started off
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