“Julia! Julia! Wake up, baby. Wake up.”
I hear my name being yelled, and I wake up screaming, “No, pay attention! No! No! Look!”
I jump straight up, looking around to see where I am. I now see that I am at my house and in my bed. I look over at Chris who looks to be in complete shock.
“What happened?”
He pulls me in a tight hug. “I don’t know. You tell me. Are you okay?”
I nod my head. “I think so.”
“Were you having a bad dream?”
I am still getting my breathing under control. “Yeah, I did.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Please, not right now.”
“Okay, baby. Let’s lie back down then.”
Chris holds me and comforts me by telling me that everything is going to be okay until I hear his breathing evening out. Soon, I hear a small snore coming from him. I turn away from him and face the bathroom. He pulls me back into him and holds me tighter.
I close my eyes only to relive the dream I just had. I was sitting in the passenger’s side of a car, watching myself drive down a road I’ve never seen before and yelling at someone on the phone. I watch my movements, trying to figure out where I am going, and to whom I am talking.
“Why are you doing this to me? I need him now more than ever. I am going to look for him.
Quit telling me what I should do. You have never supported us since day one. Why are you being like this? Please, tell me.”
Tears start streaming down her face as she listens to whomever is talking on the other end of the phone. My dream persona is driving like an idiot all over the road, too busy telling whomever I was talking to that it wasn’t any of their business.
I start screaming at myself to pay attention where I am going. Then she says, “I needed to do this regardless if they liked it or not.”
The next thing I see is us driving towards a telephone pole. It is all happening in slow motion. I look over at her. She still is not seeing the telephone pole. She yells at whomever is taking the blunt of her verbal attack on the phone.
I start yelling at her to pay attention again. She continues to yell on the phone, lost in her own conversation. I yell louder and louder. That is when I hear my name being called, and I woke up screaming.
Was this what happened in my wreck? My parents told me I was mad at them, so could that have been my mom or dad I was yelling at? Who is ‘us’? And why wasn’t I being supported?
I have so many questions with no one to answer them. My parents are gone. I have no way of knowing anything anymore. Tears start freely falling down my face, hitting my pillow.
My eyes start getting heavy, but I am so scared to even try and go back to sleep. I can’t have another dream. I need answers now. I need to find help. Maybe talking to someone who doesn’t know the situation or me would help me remember.
I decide that is what I will do. I will find a therapist tomorrow. I feel determined when my eyes give and succumb to sleep.
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, I wake up with a mindset of finding a therapist to help me uncover my past. I decide not to tell Chris anything about my plan. I’m not sure how he will react, so I will keep my mouth shut for the time being.
I go through my normal morning routine of getting myself ready then getting Lucy ready. Once that is done I make an easy breakfast, so all of us can sit together before our day starts. When we finish it’s on to take Lucy to school and my ass to work.
Mondays, believe it or not, aren’t one of my busiest days of the week. I am to work on the trip I will be making next month. I am going back to Venice to actually bring home some pieces from a museum there. I am so excited about it. It will be during the carnival celebration too. I haven’t been since I was a girl, so going now, I will be able to appreciate the culture even
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