Marrying Mike...Again by Alicia Scott

sense of this by interviewing urban African-Americans about what it means to be African-American. Frankly, that’s a conflicting thing. These children grow up surrounded by their own race, but in an environment none of them like. So they try to leave. At some point in every inner-city child’s life comes the first bus trip out. And if this journey is to a predominantly white neighborhood, what is the first thing this child encounters? Racism. Women locking their car doors or crossing to the other side of the street. Patrol cops stopping the child for no good reason. Store owners chasing him out of their establishments. It’s shocking the first time. Then it’s simply haunting. Everywhere this child goes, he gets the message he’s unwanted. So he has to take the bus trip back to the projects, which he now recognizes as some kind of punishment for a crime he never committed. This is an inner-city black male’s first lesson when he searches for his identity. He is a criminal. He doesn’t understand why, but he’s fundamentally unloved.
    “At the same time, of course, a child like Vee is taking social studies classes telling him he lives in a country where all men are created equal. But this just makes things worse—what he’s being told about the world and how he feels about the world don’t meet. There’s this huge disconnection, fueled by every white teacher who shies away from him and every well-intentioned social worker who looks down on him, that leaves him angry and confused.
    “Young, urban African-American males report feeling trapped, feeling ashamed. There is a pressure building inside of them and they begin to resent that pressure. And what’s causing it, what’s putting them in this position? As far as they can tell, it’s the fact that they are black. So they start to hate the fact they are black. And they start to turn on other black males—subconsciously, of course, fueled by gangland wars and survival instincts, but it’s there.”
    “Yo, hold up.” Koontz was looking confused again, but he was also engaged in the conversation, which gave Sandra hope. “If Vee hates being black so much, why doesn’t he declare war on other gang members. Why us?”
    “Because his feelings are too conflicted on the subject. Look at his letters, Detective. In the first letter, he writes about his sister being hit by a stray bullet in a drive-by. This obviously bothers him. In the second letter, he goes so far as to say that he was raised to know better than to hurt females, that it’s wrong. Thus, he is not as much a homeboy as he would pretend in other places. There are things being done by his peers that he doesn’t approve of. In the second letter, however, he reveals classic hurt and anger toward white society, as well. He tried to enter the white community and he was shunned. When he says here that he tried to remove his face, don’t take him figuratively. Self-mutilation is a sign of keen self-loathing. Vee is receiving the message that he should hate his own skin, and he is reacting accordingly.
    “Fundamentally, this child is at a crossroads. He is confused, disenfranchised by both blacks and whites. He doesn’t like the violence of youth killing youth, hence his need to sound so casual and accepting of it. But nor can he accept white authority—these are the people who look down on him, who allowed his sister to be hurt, who may or may not have taken an active role in killing his father. Vee doesn’t know where to turn or what to believe in, and yet he does want something to believe in. He is trying to provoke a reaction that will tell him which way to turn.”
    “What do you mean by that?” Sandra asked sharply.
    Dr. Mayes shrugged. “He is walking a dangerous path, Chief Aikens. I believe there is some part of him that doesn’t want to be pushed to violence, hence he fired warning shots last night. He writes with genuine affection of his mother and has stated twice that she’s taught him