It’s because they wouldn’t go down without a fight. And it’s why cancer patients endure treatments that make them sick and miserable, because they’re hoping it will help them live. Give them more time on this earth.
It’s because they won’t go down without a fight.
When I first saw Lennie again, it was clear that she’d stopped fighting. But lately I’d seen a spark in her eyes, a skip in her step, that told me some of her fight had returned. And I wanted to help in any way I could.
It was why I had taken to researching melanoma. I had become obsessed with it actually. Day and night I perused the internet, scanning pictures of moles, scars, beaches, rays of sun, marred skin, tumors. And I read endless articles on the dangers of tanning beds and laying out in the sun, the importance of sunblock and annual screenings. Lennie had admitted that she had tanned, but was it fair for her to die for her decision?
No, it wasn’t. But life was like that, wasn’t it?
One wrong turn, one too many pills, one extra drink.
Life was like a walk across a frozen lake. Some people skated across with no issue, safely making it to the other side, while others fell in the icy water and had to claw their way out in order to reach solid ground. They were numb, battered, and tired, but they made it. Yet there were still others who fell in and drowned before ever reaching the other side. I knew Lennie had experienced the icy waters. She was numb and frozen, exhausted. I wasn’t sure she had it in her to keep sputtering in the icy waves. That’s why I had to help her. I would pull her from the waters, drag her to safety.
And I was sure the answer was out there.
Medicine had come a long way. So I combed website after website, sure that I’d find that hidden lifesaver. I stayed up late most nights, hunched over my laptop, my eyes blurry, my fingertips worn. But it was nothing compared to what Lennie endured, so I continued on.
One night as I searched, there was a knock on my door.
My head snapped up, my pulse quickening. Visitors weren’t common. For a moment I contemplated ignoring it. But when the knocking continued, I shoved back my chair and took deliberate steps to the front door. The volume on the knocking increased.
“Okay, okay. Hold your horses,” I muttered under my breath, and then wondered when I started using my stepdad’s phrases. Shaking my head, I turned the knob and carefully pried the door open.
“Hey.” Lennie stood in the doorway appearing uncertain. Her hair was tucked behind her ears and flipped up at the ends, and her face was scrubbed clean. She wore sweat pants and a wrinkled shirt, uggs on her feet.
“Hey,” I responded, stunned that she was here. But also confused. “How did you know where I lived?”
She cocked her head to the side, raised one brow. “You told me.”
I didn’t remember telling her, but I must have. How else would she know? Feeling like an idiot for making her stand in the hall, I stepped out of the way to allow her entry. “Come in.” I swept my arm out. It didn’t matter how she got here. She was here. This was huge.
“Thanks.” She hugged herself, her gaze scanning the room. “So this is what a bachelor pad looks like, huh?” Her words were nonchalant, but her demeanor was anything but.
I swiftly shut my laptop so she wouldn’t see all the tabs that were open. I wasn’t sure how she’d take that. With my hand resting on the laptop, I leaned into it as if this was the way I stood when trying to be casual. Not sure it worked, but she’d been around me enough to know how awkward I was. If it hadn’t scared her away yet, then I was doing all right.
“What’s going on, Lennie? Are you okay?”
Her back was to me, her hands rubbing her upper arms in a swift, agitated motion. When she swung around there were tears in her eyes. Her shoulders shook. I didn’t waste any time before rushing to her. Without waiting for permission, I gathered her in my arms.
It’s because they won’t go down without a fight.
When I first saw Lennie again, it was clear that she’d stopped fighting. But lately I’d seen a spark in her eyes, a skip in her step, that told me some of her fight had returned. And I wanted to help in any way I could.
It was why I had taken to researching melanoma. I had become obsessed with it actually. Day and night I perused the internet, scanning pictures of moles, scars, beaches, rays of sun, marred skin, tumors. And I read endless articles on the dangers of tanning beds and laying out in the sun, the importance of sunblock and annual screenings. Lennie had admitted that she had tanned, but was it fair for her to die for her decision?
No, it wasn’t. But life was like that, wasn’t it?
One wrong turn, one too many pills, one extra drink.
Life was like a walk across a frozen lake. Some people skated across with no issue, safely making it to the other side, while others fell in the icy water and had to claw their way out in order to reach solid ground. They were numb, battered, and tired, but they made it. Yet there were still others who fell in and drowned before ever reaching the other side. I knew Lennie had experienced the icy waters. She was numb and frozen, exhausted. I wasn’t sure she had it in her to keep sputtering in the icy waves. That’s why I had to help her. I would pull her from the waters, drag her to safety.
And I was sure the answer was out there.
Medicine had come a long way. So I combed website after website, sure that I’d find that hidden lifesaver. I stayed up late most nights, hunched over my laptop, my eyes blurry, my fingertips worn. But it was nothing compared to what Lennie endured, so I continued on.
One night as I searched, there was a knock on my door.
My head snapped up, my pulse quickening. Visitors weren’t common. For a moment I contemplated ignoring it. But when the knocking continued, I shoved back my chair and took deliberate steps to the front door. The volume on the knocking increased.
“Okay, okay. Hold your horses,” I muttered under my breath, and then wondered when I started using my stepdad’s phrases. Shaking my head, I turned the knob and carefully pried the door open.
“Hey.” Lennie stood in the doorway appearing uncertain. Her hair was tucked behind her ears and flipped up at the ends, and her face was scrubbed clean. She wore sweat pants and a wrinkled shirt, uggs on her feet.
“Hey,” I responded, stunned that she was here. But also confused. “How did you know where I lived?”
She cocked her head to the side, raised one brow. “You told me.”
I didn’t remember telling her, but I must have. How else would she know? Feeling like an idiot for making her stand in the hall, I stepped out of the way to allow her entry. “Come in.” I swept my arm out. It didn’t matter how she got here. She was here. This was huge.
“Thanks.” She hugged herself, her gaze scanning the room. “So this is what a bachelor pad looks like, huh?” Her words were nonchalant, but her demeanor was anything but.
I swiftly shut my laptop so she wouldn’t see all the tabs that were open. I wasn’t sure how she’d take that. With my hand resting on the laptop, I leaned into it as if this was the way I stood when trying to be casual. Not sure it worked, but she’d been around me enough to know how awkward I was. If it hadn’t scared her away yet, then I was doing all right.
“What’s going on, Lennie? Are you okay?”
Her back was to me, her hands rubbing her upper arms in a swift, agitated motion. When she swung around there were tears in her eyes. Her shoulders shook. I didn’t waste any time before rushing to her. Without waiting for permission, I gathered her in my arms.
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