"TMIIIIIIIII."
"You started it."
"Truuuuue."
"Anyhoo, I guess I've got about a week till Halloween and I'm going to…"
"Ummmmm, Zeeelda," Fabio cut me off.
"Yes?"
"Toooooooday is October thirty-first."
"Right." I laughed and slipped into my boots as I readjusted my shirt. Too much boob was not my style. I was going for sexy, not hookery. "Good one, Fab."
"It issssssssss," he hissed.
I froze and felt the leftover cookies, hamburgers and coleslaw creep up my esophagus. This was not happening. "I was passed out for two weeks," I yelled. “You all told me two weeks! It can't be the thirty-first. I have another week."
"I guessssss we were kind of off on the timing. Weeeee were worried."
"Holy shit Fabio, why didn't you say anything?"
I was two seconds away from a total freak out. The kind where lots of stuff got broken and I lost my voice for a week.
"I thought youuuuuu kneeeew." He was getting as freaked as I was.
"Clearly I did not," I shrieked. "I don't want to be a mortal."
"I willll come with youuuu. I promise."
My break down stopped for a brief moment and I looked at my cat. "Can you really do that?"
"It's never been done successfully, buuuuut I willlll try," he promised.
"Wait. You could die?" Oh my Goddess, I did not deserve this stupid cat.
"Possssssibly."
"Then no. Absolutely not. I will not allow that. Maybe I could get some kind of visitation rights or something."
I crossed my arms over my chest and stomped my foot so he would know I was serious.
"Youuuuu like meeeee." He was positively ecstatic.
"No, I don't."
"Yessssss, you dooooooo!"
He was such a pain in my ass.
"Fine," I grumbled. "I like you. Are you happy now?"
"Dooooo you loooove me?" he asked quietly.
"Don't push your luck, cat. All of this is totally unacceptable. All of you stupid idiots are making me feel things. And I don't feel things. It's not good for me."
"Assssssbuckle, West Viiirginia agrees with youuuuuuuuu."
"No, it does not," I snapped. "I have to find the badgers. I think they killed Hildy."
"I thiiiink you're riiiight."
"You do?"
"Yesssss, but you will not gooooo alone. I will come wiiith you. You willll need my magic toooooo."
"I was supposed to ride on a motorcycle and have sex by the river." I sat down on my bed and mourned the life I couldn't have.
"Youuuuu will have sex tomorroooooww," Fabio assured me.
"You approve of that?"
"Nooooo, but I want youuu to be happpppy."
"As nice as that sounds, I'm not sure I'll be around tomorrow to do anything."
"Yessssss, Zelda. Youuuuuu willllll."
Chapter 13
"No. Not happening," Mac spat angrily as he paced my kitchen. He looked good enough to eat in his jeans, faded t-shirt and shit kickers, and he was pissed.
"If you won't help me I'll find them on my own," I informed him in a brook-no-bullshit tone. It was a stand off and it wasn't pretty. Fabio sat on the table and watched with fascination.
"You are not going after the honey badgers," he snarled.
Mac was furious and the veins on his neck stood out. He was even hotter when he was angry and I considered asking for a quickie before I died later this evening. However, I didn't think he would go for that right now.
"I don't know which part of 'I get turned into a mortal tomorrow' you don't understand, but I have to find Aunt Hildy's killer. I've never seen the hyenas around here and I highly doubt another witch killed her so I'm starting with the fucking honey badgers."
"Why don't you think it was another witch?" he demanded.
"Because they wouldn't have left a bloody mess," I yelled and then froze as something unfamiliar clicked into place in my brain.
Believe in myself . The thoughts formed and flew from my startled lips.
"Hyenas would have left bones, but the honey badgers would have eaten her. That's why there
"You started it."
"Truuuuue."
"Anyhoo, I guess I've got about a week till Halloween and I'm going to…"
"Ummmmm, Zeeelda," Fabio cut me off.
"Yes?"
"Toooooooday is October thirty-first."
"Right." I laughed and slipped into my boots as I readjusted my shirt. Too much boob was not my style. I was going for sexy, not hookery. "Good one, Fab."
"It issssssssss," he hissed.
I froze and felt the leftover cookies, hamburgers and coleslaw creep up my esophagus. This was not happening. "I was passed out for two weeks," I yelled. “You all told me two weeks! It can't be the thirty-first. I have another week."
"I guessssss we were kind of off on the timing. Weeeee were worried."
"Holy shit Fabio, why didn't you say anything?"
I was two seconds away from a total freak out. The kind where lots of stuff got broken and I lost my voice for a week.
"I thought youuuuuu kneeeew." He was getting as freaked as I was.
"Clearly I did not," I shrieked. "I don't want to be a mortal."
"I willll come with youuuu. I promise."
My break down stopped for a brief moment and I looked at my cat. "Can you really do that?"
"It's never been done successfully, buuuuut I willlll try," he promised.
"Wait. You could die?" Oh my Goddess, I did not deserve this stupid cat.
"Possssssibly."
"Then no. Absolutely not. I will not allow that. Maybe I could get some kind of visitation rights or something."
I crossed my arms over my chest and stomped my foot so he would know I was serious.
"Youuuuu like meeeee." He was positively ecstatic.
"No, I don't."
"Yessssss, you dooooooo!"
He was such a pain in my ass.
"Fine," I grumbled. "I like you. Are you happy now?"
"Dooooo you loooove me?" he asked quietly.
"Don't push your luck, cat. All of this is totally unacceptable. All of you stupid idiots are making me feel things. And I don't feel things. It's not good for me."
"Assssssbuckle, West Viiirginia agrees with youuuuuuuuu."
"No, it does not," I snapped. "I have to find the badgers. I think they killed Hildy."
"I thiiiink you're riiiight."
"You do?"
"Yesssss, but you will not gooooo alone. I will come wiiith you. You willll need my magic toooooo."
"I was supposed to ride on a motorcycle and have sex by the river." I sat down on my bed and mourned the life I couldn't have.
"Youuuuu will have sex tomorroooooww," Fabio assured me.
"You approve of that?"
"Nooooo, but I want youuu to be happpppy."
"As nice as that sounds, I'm not sure I'll be around tomorrow to do anything."
"Yessssss, Zelda. Youuuuuu willllll."
Chapter 13
"No. Not happening," Mac spat angrily as he paced my kitchen. He looked good enough to eat in his jeans, faded t-shirt and shit kickers, and he was pissed.
"If you won't help me I'll find them on my own," I informed him in a brook-no-bullshit tone. It was a stand off and it wasn't pretty. Fabio sat on the table and watched with fascination.
"You are not going after the honey badgers," he snarled.
Mac was furious and the veins on his neck stood out. He was even hotter when he was angry and I considered asking for a quickie before I died later this evening. However, I didn't think he would go for that right now.
"I don't know which part of 'I get turned into a mortal tomorrow' you don't understand, but I have to find Aunt Hildy's killer. I've never seen the hyenas around here and I highly doubt another witch killed her so I'm starting with the fucking honey badgers."
"Why don't you think it was another witch?" he demanded.
"Because they wouldn't have left a bloody mess," I yelled and then froze as something unfamiliar clicked into place in my brain.
Believe in myself . The thoughts formed and flew from my startled lips.
"Hyenas would have left bones, but the honey badgers would have eaten her. That's why there
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