Maggie Lee (Book 7): The Hitwoman and the 7 Cops by JB Lynn

too.”
    The delicious smell of peanut oil and spice wafted from the bag I held. Suddenly, I was starving and my stomach growled.
    “Is there enough for me?” Armani asked.
    “Sure. Aunt Susan always orders extra.”
    Grinning, she turned to limp up the steps.
    “Save me!” God bellowed.
    “Wait!” I screamed, almost dropping the bag.  “Don’t move.”
    Armani froze in place. “What the hell?”
    Rushing past her, I scooped God up off the step.
    “You almost got me trampled to death,” he huffed indignantly.
    Armani pushed herself up the steps. “Do you know why you haven’t gotten laid in forever, Chiquita? It’s because of your relationship with that creepy thing.”
    I was pretty sure I heard a smothered chuckle from behind us. I swung around to glare at Brian Griswald, but he was staring intently into the bag of food he held.
    “God isn’t creepy,” I weakly told Armani’s back as she breezed into the B&B.
    “Gee, thanks,” the lizard harrumphed. “Not exactly a glowing endorsement.”
    “Food’s here,” Armani announced at the top of her lungs to the B&B’s inhabitants.
    DeeDee was the first to greet us. “Hungry!”
    “Where is everyone?” I asked her.
    “Dining room,” she panted.
    “Head for the dining room,” I told Armani.
    She glanced back at me, a strange look in her eyes.  “Did the dog tell you that?”
    I forced out a laugh. “Sure.”
    Susan, Leslie, Marlene and Zeke were all sitting around the dining room table. None of them looked happy.
    “Food’s here.” I forced a smile, trying to improve the mood of the room.
    “What happened to you, handsome?” Armani limped over to Zeke to get a better look at the cut over his eye.
    “A fist,” he murmured dryly, arching his other eyebrow at me.
    Grinning, I put the food down on the table and stepped back, indicating to Brian Griswald that he should do the same.  He barely got out of the way before Susan, Leslie and Marlene fell upon it like a bunch of hyenas ripping into a water buffalo.
    Keeping a watchful eye on the frenzy of activity that consisted of arguing and dishing out food, Griswald asked Armani. “What was the message? You never said.”
    She scrunched up her nose at him. “The message wasn’t for you, Mr. Skeptic Bossypants.”
    “Uh-oh,” Zeke grinned. “Someone is not on Senorita Vasquez’s nice list.”
    “But you could be on my naughty list.” She winked cheekily at Zeke.
    “Tempting.” Zeke waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
    Armani’s rich, warm laughter filled the room, soothing the jagged edges of noise caused by my family’s bickering.
    “The message,” Brian said forcefully.
    “I told you.” Armani flicked her hair disdainfully.
    “Just tell me.” I filched an egg roll from a plate in the middle of the table. It was so hot I ended up juggling it back and forth between my hands.
    “Can we please pretend we’re civilized human beings and sit down to eat?” Susan’s request was so shrill I had the urge to plug my ears.
    “Hungry!” DeeDee barked, reminding me that not all of us were humans.
    “Feed the beast,” God grumbled, having settled once again on my shoulder
    “Steamed chicken and broccoli for DeeDee,” Leslie cooed, spooning a large portion onto a plate and lowering it toward the floor.
    “We are not feeding a dog on my china,” Susan bellowed. Her wild, wide-eyes made her look a lot like my mom, her sister, on her bad days.
    Leslie’s movement halted halfway to the floor.
    DeeDee stared at the plate, drool dripping from her jowls.
    “Ugh. Disgusting,” God groaned, sticking his head under the collar of my shirt so that he wouldn’t have to witness the display.
    Leslie looked at her half-crazed sister for a long moment before calmly stating, “It’s our china.”
    She put it on the ground with a resounding clatter.  DeeDee didn’t wait for an invitation. She went at her food with gusto.
    Following the dog’s example, I took a bite of my eggroll. It was still