Loving My SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 10) by Crystal Perkins Page A

I’m tired, Jane. Tired of being guilted into
doing things. Tired of always doing what’s expected of me. With
Matt, and also with you.”
    “No one has forced
you to do anything, Reina.”
    I sigh, because it’s
hard to explain, but I really, really need to. “The only thing I
ever decided for myself was joining the convent. I was too ashamed to
follow through with my choice after everything happened and the
Society had to rescue me. I went to Chicago, and it was like being in
a different world. Tall buildings and lakes, green trees and lots of
people. I was so overwhelmed and scared, but you made me feel safe. I
would’ve done anything you asked, because I was so in awe of you. I
still am, even after what happened. You have done so much good, and
you wanted me to work with you. How could I say no?
    “And then there was
Matt. I saw him at the ball, and my world tilted on its axis. So much
so that the innocent girl who just weeks before was going to take
holy vows, instead gave her body to him. I had sex with Matt the
first night we met, and I was never the same. I was in Heaven when he
said he loved me, and told me he wanted to marry me one day. Then it
all changed, and he didn’t want me anymore, so I did what I had to.
    “I immersed myself in
the Society. I made sure I was the best I could be, and that you
would be proud of me. I dated men who I thought would be suitable for
my future role in the Foundation, and while not one of them ever made
me stop thinking of your grandson, I pretended I was happy. Until Las
Vegas. I could no longer ignore Matt, and I was all of a sudden that
teenage girl again. I gave him my body whenever he wanted it. I have
been living a lie all these years, pretending to be what you needed
me to be, and what Matt wanted me to be.”
    “I had no idea.”
    “I’m not saying
this right. I know I’m not. I loved being part of the Society,
Jane. I even loved running it this last year. We make such a
difference, and I’m proud of it. It just would’ve never been my
choice if I’d felt I had other options at the time. I don’t
regret my choices for the most part, but I’m ready to take the
opportunity this situation has given me. I want to go out and
experience things just for me.”
    “You regret Matt.
That’s what you mean.”
    “I…I regret that I
ever fell so in love with him that his every slight and dig at me
could cut me so deep. He has had so much power over me for so many
years. He knows it, and he’s used it against me more than once.”
    “He loves you. I know
he does.”
    “I know that, too.
But love isn’t enough. I need respect and care, and I need to know
that I’m enough.
That I’m worth fighting for, and trusting with his heart. He may
love me, but he’s never trusted me or my love for him. I cannot live on borrowed time anymore, wondering when
he’ll toss me aside again, and feeling like he sees me as less than
worthy. I deserve to be cherished.”
    “Reina, please just
take a few days to think about this. If it’s what you truly want,
I’ll do everything I can to help and support you. So will all those
women and men in the waiting room. I’m just afraid that you’re
making this decision because you’ve had little sleep and more
trauma in the last few days than anyone should have in their entire
life.”
    “My mind is made up.
I’ll tell everyone once Matt wakes up.”
    “You will always be
family to me, and you will always have a place in the Society.
Always. I don’t care if it takes you ten years to come back to us,
you’ll always be welcome. I am so sorry that I didn’t see what
you were going through all of these years. I knew you and Matt had a
bad history, and I know I pushed you to the Society, but I did it
because I saw in you something I have never seen in anyone else,
before or after. You may think you’ve been weak all these years,
but it’s just the opposite. You possess a strength of character,
and a heart of gold that puts us all