exasperation. “Orgasms have a habit of making us retarded when we haven’t had them in a while. No man is ever perfect, Em.”
“This one is,” Emily confided and sighed deeply. “I never felt this way about anyone, Joan. I don’t understand it myself. I don’t even know him that well, but I feel we’re connected somehow. We haven’t had sex yet.”
Joan rolled her eyes. “So you didn’t get laid? That sucks.”
Emily looked down at her bottled water. “No, it hasn’t gotten that far yet.”
“How far has it gotten?”
“Well, we only really just met.” Emily realized she was starting to disclose how absurd the whole infatuation with Ian was. “We’re taking it slow.”
“Well I’m happy you met someone, even if you aren’t getting laid,” Joan said with a hearty chuckle. “Sex isn’t everything, you know? John was horrible in bed until I trained him properly.”
Emily nearly choked on her mouthful of water. Joan never told her that her sex life with her husband was awkward in the beginning.
“It’s true,” Joan disclosed under her breath. “I don’t think John ever heard of foreplay before we got together. That’s not the case now. I have to tell him to get busy or I’m going to sleep.”
“What made you realize John was the one?” Emily regarded her friend with a hopeful expression.
“His bank account helped,” Joan reflected with a sigh. Emily gave an exasperated noise at this. “You want to know what it was that made me realize I was in love with John, do you?”
“What was it?”
“Every time I saw him, I felt it, like these butterflies in my stomach,” her friend said with a reminiscent expression. “I thought it was gas at first, but it wasn’t. I just knew he was the one.”
Emily felt relieved her friend described the way she was feeling about Ian at that moment. It made her feel better to know her feelings were real for once, even if they were misguided and one-sided. She was in love. It scared and startled her to know a crush turned into something more. What did she even know about Ian? She couldn’t possibly love a man she didn’t know?
Or could she? It appeared her heart knew what it needed to know already, accepting all of the unknown aspects of the man up front. That dangerous thought made her stiffen, knowing it wasn’t right. Even in her own bat-shit crazy mind, she couldn’t justify feeling the way she did for Ian Sawyer. The pain of this unrequited love gave her more anguish than anything else.
“Take your time, Em,” her friend offered, looking at her with a knowing smile. “Let the guy woo you.”
“Woo me, huh? What does that consist of? Sounds complicated, if you ask me.”
“Yeah , it is. Just let him wine you and dine you for awhile. Keep it simple,” her friend said with a disgusted sigh. “Let him buy you flowers for no other reason than he just wants you to know he’s thinking about you. Make him worry you’ll disappear at any moment. Works like a charm.”
Emily looked intrigued, latching onto only part of her words. “Flowers, huh? That’s the ticket?”
“Oh yeah, if a guy sends you flowers ; it’s a definite sign he’s interested, willing to do anything to get into your pants. Men don’t like to waste their money on that shit, trust me. John said it’s the biggest waste of money next to greeting cards. He does it for me anyway. Do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a gesture that tells a woman she’s special to a man, not just some bimbo he’s bending over. The guy knows it’s not the flowers we want, but what they represent to us.”
“ I’ll take your advice,” Emily said and her eyes lit up with an idea. “Wooing sounds like exactly what I need right now.”
“Then we can concentrate on getting you laid,” Joan promised and chuckled at her disgusted expression. “Just take it slow, Em. Don’t over-like the guy right off. It scares them away.”
“Over-like? I don’t get it.” Emily
“This one is,” Emily confided and sighed deeply. “I never felt this way about anyone, Joan. I don’t understand it myself. I don’t even know him that well, but I feel we’re connected somehow. We haven’t had sex yet.”
Joan rolled her eyes. “So you didn’t get laid? That sucks.”
Emily looked down at her bottled water. “No, it hasn’t gotten that far yet.”
“How far has it gotten?”
“Well, we only really just met.” Emily realized she was starting to disclose how absurd the whole infatuation with Ian was. “We’re taking it slow.”
“Well I’m happy you met someone, even if you aren’t getting laid,” Joan said with a hearty chuckle. “Sex isn’t everything, you know? John was horrible in bed until I trained him properly.”
Emily nearly choked on her mouthful of water. Joan never told her that her sex life with her husband was awkward in the beginning.
“It’s true,” Joan disclosed under her breath. “I don’t think John ever heard of foreplay before we got together. That’s not the case now. I have to tell him to get busy or I’m going to sleep.”
“What made you realize John was the one?” Emily regarded her friend with a hopeful expression.
“His bank account helped,” Joan reflected with a sigh. Emily gave an exasperated noise at this. “You want to know what it was that made me realize I was in love with John, do you?”
“What was it?”
“Every time I saw him, I felt it, like these butterflies in my stomach,” her friend said with a reminiscent expression. “I thought it was gas at first, but it wasn’t. I just knew he was the one.”
Emily felt relieved her friend described the way she was feeling about Ian at that moment. It made her feel better to know her feelings were real for once, even if they were misguided and one-sided. She was in love. It scared and startled her to know a crush turned into something more. What did she even know about Ian? She couldn’t possibly love a man she didn’t know?
Or could she? It appeared her heart knew what it needed to know already, accepting all of the unknown aspects of the man up front. That dangerous thought made her stiffen, knowing it wasn’t right. Even in her own bat-shit crazy mind, she couldn’t justify feeling the way she did for Ian Sawyer. The pain of this unrequited love gave her more anguish than anything else.
“Take your time, Em,” her friend offered, looking at her with a knowing smile. “Let the guy woo you.”
“Woo me, huh? What does that consist of? Sounds complicated, if you ask me.”
“Yeah , it is. Just let him wine you and dine you for awhile. Keep it simple,” her friend said with a disgusted sigh. “Let him buy you flowers for no other reason than he just wants you to know he’s thinking about you. Make him worry you’ll disappear at any moment. Works like a charm.”
Emily looked intrigued, latching onto only part of her words. “Flowers, huh? That’s the ticket?”
“Oh yeah, if a guy sends you flowers ; it’s a definite sign he’s interested, willing to do anything to get into your pants. Men don’t like to waste their money on that shit, trust me. John said it’s the biggest waste of money next to greeting cards. He does it for me anyway. Do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a gesture that tells a woman she’s special to a man, not just some bimbo he’s bending over. The guy knows it’s not the flowers we want, but what they represent to us.”
“ I’ll take your advice,” Emily said and her eyes lit up with an idea. “Wooing sounds like exactly what I need right now.”
“Then we can concentrate on getting you laid,” Joan promised and chuckled at her disgusted expression. “Just take it slow, Em. Don’t over-like the guy right off. It scares them away.”
“Over-like? I don’t get it.” Emily
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