Love, Let Me Not Hunger

Love, Let Me Not Hunger by Paul Gallico

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Authors: Paul Gallico
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them into a kind of Indian war dance that would have done credit to a Wild West show.
    What had to be coped with immediately was Judy, to whom neither the shouts of Toby nor the frantic soothings of Mr. Albert, who had quickly appeared upon the scene, had penetrated. Joe Cotter and Pete, the mechanic, and the three veteran tentmen who were to make the trip to Spain, as well as the horse grooms, tackled the fear-stricken beast. Under Toby’s direction and with the help of Fred Deeter, the ex-cowboy, they managed to get ropes around the two free legs of the elephant to immobilize her.
    At this point Rose walked into the picture. She said to the Walterses, “Well, why aren’t you laughing? Everybody else is.” And to Toby, “Maybe this’ll teach you to keep your bloody big gasbag under control.” Then she turned upon her heel and marched off into the darkness back to her van where Williams still appeared to be sleeping, undisturbed by the pandemonium.
    There was an inquest the following morning in the office of a furious Sam Marvel. It was attended by Jackdaw and Rose, and Mr. Albert and the Walters family, and Marvel chewed them out thoroughly, concentrating upon Rose and Jackdaw but not ignoring the Walters family, who had been getting on his nerves of late. He threatened to sack Jackdaw and take the elephant act away from Toby.
    There was no dismissing the dangerous nature of what Rose had done or the consequences it might have entailed had Judy broken loose, yet Jackdaw remained unimpressed by Marvel’s tirade and merely said, “They put the laugh on the girl. They’ve been picking on her and trying to get her chucked out. You tell ’em to leave her alone. Thev had it coming to them.”
    For the first time Rose felt something almost like affection for Williams which was not connected with the fact that he was the owner of their home. Like her, he had an impenetrable independence of spirit.
    The following day, Rose had encountered Toby on the lot. The boy was going to ignore her, but she blocked him by walking deliberately into his path. She said, “Toby! Please! I’m sorry for what I done. It wasn’t right. I could of done it to you, but I shouldn’t of done it to Judy. She’s an animal. She doesn’t know any better, does she?”
    Her apology was so straightforward and unexpected that it took the boy unawares and robbed him of his pride, his anger, and his defences. And besides, though he was not aware of it, the impudence, the toughness, and the directness of her action, of getting some of her own back, had impressed him, and he felt a kind of respect for her. She was still all they said she was, no doubt, but she suddenly stood out more as a person, somebody with a backbone. If she was living in sin with Jackdaw Williams, then it was because she wanted to.
    He said, “Look here, Rose. I’m sorry about the other morning. I didn’t mean to be so rough with you, but I don’t think you understand. That elephant is a killer.”
    The girl looked at him incredulously. Toby went on, “Mr. Albert says that you’ve been getting along with his cats and the other animals. That’s fine, but don’t come around Judy expecting her to do the same, because she’s different. She doesn’t like women. They say she killed one once, and that’s why I got to watch her.”
    Rose said, “I suppose I was foolish. I thought I could make any animal love me.”
    Toby said, “Well, don’t be foolish any more. Judy knows it was you played that trick. Keep away from her, that’s all.”
    And, Rose thought, included by implication in his last sentence and the way he turned on his heel and walked away was unspoken —and keep away from me too.
    And so a kind of truce was declared. The incident had in no ways diminished the love and the yearning that Rose felt for Toby. Repressed and sublimated, it expressed itself then in her affection for the wild animals of the circus, and she spent more and more of her time in the company

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