Love Is a State of Mind: Nobody's Life is Perfect by Sarah Catherine Knights Page B

tells me you’re going up this weekend?” he says.
    “Yes, I am.”
    Suzie is now chasing Gemma and Gaz across the green expanse – there seems to be a lot of laughter and whoops of delight.  Then, suddenly, Gemma falls and the delight turns to crying and Suzie picks her up and starts walking back towards us.
    “I think we better take her home, Dave, she’s getting tired.”  She gives him a hard stare, a stare that cannot be denied. 
    David has now become ‘Dave’ – that just sounds ridiculous.  If there was ever a David who was not a Dave, it’s David.  “Nice to see you, Anna,”  she says, stares at David again and starts walking away, holding Gemma’s hand.  I don’t say ‘nice to see you too’ as it isn’t .
    “I better go, then,” he says with a half-grin.
    “Yes, you better.”  I couldn’t resist adding, “You better do as you’re told.”
    He just blinks at me and toddles off to join them.
    Well, Dave,  I would say you’re thoroughly under the thumb … serves you right.
    I stay where I am, until they are out of sight.  I call Gaz, who is now right over the other side of the rec.  He looks up when he hears my voice, and to give him his due, he waddles back towards me, looking expectant.
    The whole episode has left me wrung out.  They look such a close-knit little threesome – Gemma’s so pretty and young; Suzie, so nubile and sexy.  Even ‘Dave’ has taken on a young look about him, as if she’s given him a new lease of life.  He may look guilty whenever I’m around, but to an outsider, he must look like an attractive and vibrant ‘older’ man with his young wife and newly-acquired child.  They leave me feeling old, past it and boring … and above all, alone.
    As I walk home, I imagine them walking hand in hand back to the flat, cuddling on the sofa together with a bottle of wine, having bathed Gemma together and tucked her into her snuggly bed.  I’m jealous of them, there’s no getting away from it.  Jealous as hell.
    I open the door of the house, sit in its silence, and look around me.  I don’t even feel part of my own house any more.  I feel like I’ve just been squatting here, with no past, no future.
    Oh Gaz, what the hell am I going to do? 
    As if he can read my mind, he comes and sits next to me on the sofa, flops down, with his head on my lap and looks up at me with his big, brown eyes.
    You’ve still got me, he says.  You’ll always be able to rely on me, whatever happens.
     

Chapter Ten
     
    I hear a faint ping coming from my mobile, which is hiding in the depths of my rather large handbag.  4G is everywhere now and I realise I can use the internet sitting on the train. 
    I’m on the 11.30 am to Paddington – it’s great to be going to London and I relish the feeling of rushing through the countryside, towards the metropolis.  I’ve bought a coffee from the buffet car and I’m munching my way through a packet of nuts and raisins, convincing myself they’re a healthy snack.  Every time I reach into the packet, I try to hide the fact that I’m constantly nibbling, by not rustling the plastic bag they’re in.  The man opposite me, however, keeps looking up and staring at me, as if he disapproves, and if I’m honest, I tend to agree with him.  I put them back in my bag and consciously bury them beneath all the other stuff. 
    I bring out my phone – the ping was different from the usual message – more of a ding than a ping pong – and I realise it’s a Facebook message.  Hoping it’s a reply from Adam, I press the icon. 
    It is …
    Hi Mum.  Thanks for your message.  Didn’t realise you knew about Facebook messaging – you’re becoming quite techy in your old age! LOL! We’re staying with John’s cousin – he’s called Bruce, would you believe?  His wife isn’t Sheila, it’s Jo.  They’ve got this mega house in Double Bay overlooking the ocean – it’s bloody huge.  Why can’t we have relatives like that?