Love Finds You in Frost Minnesota by Judy Baer

the hill. Finally several men carried Jamie out on a stretcher. It probably took twenty minutes, but it seemed like twenty years. I kept waiting for Jamie to jump up, but he never did. And my mother just kept sobbing.”
    Jack’s voice had grown low, and he was completely immersed in the memory.
    “We went to the hospital but didn’t get to see him for a long time. When we did, he was on life support. My parents wanted me to go back to the hotel and rest, but of course I couldn’t. We stayed at the hospital that night. I never did sleep. I just kept willing Jamie to wake up. I also prayed that God would make this all go away, that He would take us back to the moment before I pushed that sled, but God did neither.”
    Merry closed her eyes, and tears leaked from beneath her lids and coursed down her cheeks.
    “In the morning, three doctors came in and told my parents that Jamie had no brain activity and that they recommended taking him off life support. We said our goodbyes and then Jamie was gone.”
    “On Christmas Day?”
    “Yes.” He turned to her and the pain in his expression seemed as fresh as if the accident had just happened. “So now maybe you can understand why Christmas is not a time for celebration for me. And when I say I killed my brother, I really did.”
    “Jack, you were a child! It could just as well have been you on that sled. It was an accident!”
    Merry was going to continue when she realized they were parked in her own driveway. Where had the time and the miles gone? “Come inside,” she said gently. “No use sitting out here.”
    He followed her into the house, where they both shed their coats. Jack began to prowl about like a restless lion in too small a cage.
    Merry let him pace until he finally settled in a large wing chair by the fireplace. Then she sat down across from him. “Tell me about your mother.”
    “Before or after my brother died?” Jack asked bleakly.
    “Both.”
    “She was very traditional, very proper, a lady. She was accustomed to having things her own way. That comes with having money, I guess. But she always said that her twins were the ones who taught her to loosen up, to relax. She couldn’t have power over us like she controlled others, so she finally had to accept that we were a force to be reckoned with and enjoyed. She became a lot of fun after that. My father was the disciplinarian, and Mom sometimes even consorted with us in our tricks and mischief.” He smiled faintly. “Those were good times.”
    “And after?”
    “My mother just . . . disappeared. It was as if she faded before our eyes. No more laughter, no more smiles. It took everything in her just to keep herself together. She took medication until her eyes glazed over, saw therapists until their names all ran together, and spent the rest of the time locked in her room. She was kind to me but distant. After all, I’d killed her son.”
    “You were her son too! You didn’t kill anyone.”
    Jack shifted in his chair, crossed one long leg over the other, and finally seemed to see her. “No? I guess no one else blamed me, but I blame myself. I should have known better. I should have stopped Jamie.”
    “You were twelve ! Do you know any twelve-year-old boys with the common sense of an experienced adult? I don’t think so!”
    “Maybe not, but I grew up thinking I should have been the exception.”
    “You always talk about your mother in past tense,” Merry observed. “Is she . . . ?”
    “She died four years after Jamie. It was as if she just couldn’t muster up the will to live once he was gone. Like I said, she faded away. She grew quieter and thinner. She slept less and paced the house at night. One day my father found her in bed—gone. Just like that she disappeared completely from my life, without a word, without a good-bye.”
    He skewered her with a look that held her rapt. “And that, Merry, is why I can’t celebrate Christmas. It was the beginning of the end for my family. I