Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 05 by Away Laughing on a Fast Camel Page A

felt like yelling “Of COURSE I’m not interested, you complete twit!!” But I smiled back and said, “Of course I am, go on, tell me about making a nourishing stew out of bits of old turnip and badger poo.”
    She looked all stroppy.
    â€œYou’re not really interested.”
    â€œI am.”
    â€œYou’re not, otherwise you would ask an intelligent question.”
    Oh dear God.
    â€œOh OK, er, did Tom’s Swiss Army knife come in handy?”
    â€œAh well, it’s funny you should say that because…”
    8:50 a.m.
    Three million years later she finished her ludicrously boring ravings on, by which time we had arrived at Stalag 14. Hawkeye—not world renowned for her deep love of me—was eyeing me like a mad beagle.
    â€œGeorgia Nicolson, you are covered in makeup, you look like a creature of the night. Go and take it off immediately, and also take a bad conduct mark.”
    I was grumbling to Jas as we slouched off. “Creature of the night, what is she going on about?”
    As I came out of the loo to scamper off to Assembly with that lovely red scrubbed look so beloved by the very sad, I bumped into Wet Lindsay.
    â€œGeorgia Nicolson, you are three minutes late for Assembly. Take a bad conduct mark.”
    I said, “I tell you what, Lindsay, why don’t you just boil me in oil and call it a day?”
    But I said it after she had trolloped off on her extremely knobbly legs.
    english
    We are doing the life of the Bard of Avon, otherwise known as Billy Shakespeare or the Swan of Avon, asRosie calls him, because she deliberately misheard “bard” as “bird.” Miss Wilson was raving on about his doublet and how he invented language.
    Oh I am sooo bored, and distracted by my new pash, Masimo. I can’t stop thinking about him. He is by far the dreamiest boy in the universe and probably beyond.
    I sent a note to Rosie and said to pass it on to all of the gang. I wrote it in Shakespearean-type language, because I can’t help being artistic. And also I have a thirst for knowledge(ish).
    I wrote, Odds bodkin I am boredeth. I feeleth a let us goeth down ye olde discotheque coming on.
    Rosie wrote back, Forsooth and lack a day let us grooveth!!
    So when Miss Wilson turned her back to write something dull on the blackboard, we had a quick burst of manic “Let’s go down the disco” dancing to relieve our girlish tension.
    Vair vair amusant .
    break
    Miss Wilson will be very pleased with Billy’s enduring effect on the culture of England. When Rosie sat on the knicker toasters in the blodgelabs, she leapt up and said, “Lawks a mercy, I burneth my bum-oley.”
    Which made me laugh a LOT. I think I may be hysterical with love.
    Â 
    I don’t know whether to tell the ace gang about Masimo. They might think wrongly that I am a superficial sort of person who leaps from Sex God to Sex God.
    I decided to keep my love news extravangza for the lugholes of my one and only bestest pal, Jas.
    school gates
4:00 p.m.
    I couldn’t wait to tell her, but I had to because she was droning on and on to the rest of the gang at the gates about her slug-eating weekend. On and on. I may have dropped off for a minute, because she had to say, “Come on then, Georgia, don’t you want to get away from this place?”
    As we ambled along, I started telling Jas about Masimo.
    â€œHe is beyond gorgey, Jas, really really bon and also formidable in the extreme. He’s got these eyes, you know, really fab, like Angus’s eyes only,you know, great. Also he has got snog factor twenty-five and a half.”
    â€œI thought the snogging scale only went up to ten.”
    â€œJas, pay attention. I said snog factor—that means like sex appeal.”
    â€œWhy haven’t I been told about the snog factor thing?”
    â€œLook Jas, I just made it up and—”
    â€œWell, why have a rule if you are just going to break