Tags:
Fiction,
Humorous stories,
Humorous,
Romance,
Juvenile Fiction,
England,
Social Issues,
Interpersonal relations,
Love & Romance,
Animals,
Girls & Women,
Friendship,
Adolescence,
Dating (Social Customs),
Diary fiction,
Diaries,
Mammals,
Nicolson; Georgia (Fictitious Character)
felt like yelling âOf COURSE Iâm not interested, you complete twit!!â But I smiled back and said, âOf course I am, go on, tell me about making a nourishing stew out of bits of old turnip and badger poo.â
She looked all stroppy.
âYouâre not really interested.â
âI am.â
âYouâre not, otherwise you would ask an intelligent question.â
Oh dear God.
âOh OK, er, did Tomâs Swiss Army knife come in handy?â
âAh well, itâs funny you should say that becauseâ¦â
8:50 a.m.
Three million years later she finished her ludicrously boring ravings on, by which time we had arrived at Stalag 14. Hawkeyeânot world renowned for her deep love of meâwas eyeing me like a mad beagle.
âGeorgia Nicolson, you are covered in makeup, you look like a creature of the night. Go and take it off immediately, and also take a bad conduct mark.â
I was grumbling to Jas as we slouched off. âCreature of the night, what is she going on about?â
As I came out of the loo to scamper off to Assembly with that lovely red scrubbed look so beloved by the very sad, I bumped into Wet Lindsay.
âGeorgia Nicolson, you are three minutes late for Assembly. Take a bad conduct mark.â
I said, âI tell you what, Lindsay, why donât you just boil me in oil and call it a day?â
But I said it after she had trolloped off on her extremely knobbly legs.
english
We are doing the life of the Bard of Avon, otherwise known as Billy Shakespeare or the Swan of Avon, asRosie calls him, because she deliberately misheard âbardâ as âbird.â Miss Wilson was raving on about his doublet and how he invented language.
Oh I am sooo bored, and distracted by my new pash, Masimo. I canât stop thinking about him. He is by far the dreamiest boy in the universe and probably beyond.
I sent a note to Rosie and said to pass it on to all of the gang. I wrote it in Shakespearean-type language, because I canât help being artistic. And also I have a thirst for knowledge(ish).
I wrote, Odds bodkin I am boredeth. I feeleth a let us goeth down ye olde discotheque coming on.
Rosie wrote back, Forsooth and lack a day let us grooveth!!
So when Miss Wilson turned her back to write something dull on the blackboard, we had a quick burst of manic âLetâs go down the discoâ dancing to relieve our girlish tension.
Vair vair amusant .
break
Miss Wilson will be very pleased with Billyâs enduring effect on the culture of England. When Rosie sat on the knicker toasters in the blodgelabs, she leapt up and said, âLawks a mercy, I burneth my bum-oley.â
Which made me laugh a LOT. I think I may be hysterical with love.
Â
I donât know whether to tell the ace gang about Masimo. They might think wrongly that I am a superficial sort of person who leaps from Sex God to Sex God.
I decided to keep my love news extravangza for the lugholes of my one and only bestest pal, Jas.
school gates
4:00 p.m.
I couldnât wait to tell her, but I had to because she was droning on and on to the rest of the gang at the gates about her slug-eating weekend. On and on. I may have dropped off for a minute, because she had to say, âCome on then, Georgia, donât you want to get away from this place?â
As we ambled along, I started telling Jas about Masimo.
âHe is beyond gorgey, Jas, really really bon and also formidable in the extreme. Heâs got these eyes, you know, really fab, like Angusâs eyes only,you know, great. Also he has got snog factor twenty-five and a half.â
âI thought the snogging scale only went up to ten.â
âJas, pay attention. I said snog factorâthat means like sex appeal.â
âWhy havenât I been told about the snog factor thing?â
âLook Jas, I just made it up andââ
âWell, why have a rule if you are just going to break
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