ear as I bit at her skin, whispered, “Please, Elizabeth, I want to fuck you so bad...do you have any idea how badly I want you?”
My hands traveled to her hips, my fingers burrowing into her flesh as I shamelessly pressed myself into her again so she’d make no mistake of what she did to me. She had to know she was the only one who’d ever done this to me, this void she’d created that somehow only she could fill.
Beneath me, Elizabeth froze. Every muscle in her body stiffened before her hands slid from my shoulders to my chest, and she shoved me off her. I was caught off guard, and I floundered back.
Her expression doused me in cold, extinguished the fire. Lines of hurt and disgust twisted her face. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, and she blinked for the longest moment, before stunned eyes turned up to stare at me.
Shit.
Had that really just come out of my mouth?
My heart pounded too fast, and I tried to catch my breath, to calm my screaming body. I tugged a frustrated hand through my hair. A storm of emotions tore through my consciousness.
“Do you know nothing about me, Christian?” I could see her struggling to hold it in, but more tears fell. “Do you really think that’s what I want? To be fucked?”
Just like I knew I would, I hurt her, without even knowing it.
“Is that what this was?” she wheezed, wrapping her arms around her stomach. She took a pained step back.
“Elizabeth...” I lifted my hand, wishing to reach out and touch her, knowing I couldn’t. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” It was an accusation.
I searched for an explanation, how to describe what I felt. I couldn’t find the words because I didn’t know myself.
A wounded cry worked its way free from Elizabeth, and she squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face down and to the side, hugging herself tighter.
My chest constricted with the need to comfort her, to take her in my arms and just hug her, and tell her we’d work it out, but touching her was what had caused all of this to begin with.
“Elizabeth...I—” I didn’t know exactly what to say. Wasn’t it obvious? I was dying to have her. Didn’t she get that? I always had.
But when she looked back up, I understood it all.
The world dropped from beneath me, and I stumbled back the last few steps until my back was plastered against her door.
My best friend.
Elizabeth’s chin quivered, and one side of her mouth was drawn in as if she were chewing on the inside of her lip. But her eyes...it was there.
What had I done?
I met her gaze, searching for a mistake, for some way to take it all back to the place where it was just me and Elizabeth, where we were friends and we laughed and we dealt with all the rest of this shit on the inside.
But I’d crossed the line, and Elizabeth could no longer hold it back.
“Christian,” she pled, chancing a tortured step forward. “Tell me what that was.”
I shook my head and swallowed, wishing for an easy escape. I had no idea how to handle this. Because Elizabeth wanted a promise, and I couldn’t give her that. “I don’t know...I’m sorry, Elizabeth, but I don’t know.”
She slowly shook her head. “I’m not sure I can do this anymore.”
“Don’t let this mess up our friendship... I can’t lose that, Elizabeth.”
Disbelief drew her brows together, wove with the sadness in her eyes.
“You don’t want to mess up our friendship?” She shook her head. “Just go, Christian.”
“Elizabeth...”
“Please. It’s really late.” Deliberating, she twisted her fingers together. “I think I need some time.”
Swallowing, I stepped away from the door so I could pull it open. I hesitated, but could find nothing to say that would make this any better. All I could think was how much I hated myself for ruining the one truly good thing I had in my life.
With my back to her, I paused, whispered, “I really am sorry, Elizabeth,” before I walked out and quietly clicked it
My hands traveled to her hips, my fingers burrowing into her flesh as I shamelessly pressed myself into her again so she’d make no mistake of what she did to me. She had to know she was the only one who’d ever done this to me, this void she’d created that somehow only she could fill.
Beneath me, Elizabeth froze. Every muscle in her body stiffened before her hands slid from my shoulders to my chest, and she shoved me off her. I was caught off guard, and I floundered back.
Her expression doused me in cold, extinguished the fire. Lines of hurt and disgust twisted her face. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, and she blinked for the longest moment, before stunned eyes turned up to stare at me.
Shit.
Had that really just come out of my mouth?
My heart pounded too fast, and I tried to catch my breath, to calm my screaming body. I tugged a frustrated hand through my hair. A storm of emotions tore through my consciousness.
“Do you know nothing about me, Christian?” I could see her struggling to hold it in, but more tears fell. “Do you really think that’s what I want? To be fucked?”
Just like I knew I would, I hurt her, without even knowing it.
“Is that what this was?” she wheezed, wrapping her arms around her stomach. She took a pained step back.
“Elizabeth...” I lifted my hand, wishing to reach out and touch her, knowing I couldn’t. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” It was an accusation.
I searched for an explanation, how to describe what I felt. I couldn’t find the words because I didn’t know myself.
A wounded cry worked its way free from Elizabeth, and she squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face down and to the side, hugging herself tighter.
My chest constricted with the need to comfort her, to take her in my arms and just hug her, and tell her we’d work it out, but touching her was what had caused all of this to begin with.
“Elizabeth...I—” I didn’t know exactly what to say. Wasn’t it obvious? I was dying to have her. Didn’t she get that? I always had.
But when she looked back up, I understood it all.
The world dropped from beneath me, and I stumbled back the last few steps until my back was plastered against her door.
My best friend.
Elizabeth’s chin quivered, and one side of her mouth was drawn in as if she were chewing on the inside of her lip. But her eyes...it was there.
What had I done?
I met her gaze, searching for a mistake, for some way to take it all back to the place where it was just me and Elizabeth, where we were friends and we laughed and we dealt with all the rest of this shit on the inside.
But I’d crossed the line, and Elizabeth could no longer hold it back.
“Christian,” she pled, chancing a tortured step forward. “Tell me what that was.”
I shook my head and swallowed, wishing for an easy escape. I had no idea how to handle this. Because Elizabeth wanted a promise, and I couldn’t give her that. “I don’t know...I’m sorry, Elizabeth, but I don’t know.”
She slowly shook her head. “I’m not sure I can do this anymore.”
“Don’t let this mess up our friendship... I can’t lose that, Elizabeth.”
Disbelief drew her brows together, wove with the sadness in her eyes.
“You don’t want to mess up our friendship?” She shook her head. “Just go, Christian.”
“Elizabeth...”
“Please. It’s really late.” Deliberating, she twisted her fingers together. “I think I need some time.”
Swallowing, I stepped away from the door so I could pull it open. I hesitated, but could find nothing to say that would make this any better. All I could think was how much I hated myself for ruining the one truly good thing I had in my life.
With my back to her, I paused, whispered, “I really am sorry, Elizabeth,” before I walked out and quietly clicked it
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