daughter’s neonatologists. If you have any questions I’m always around so, don’t hesitate to ask.” He holds his hand out to shake Sebastian’s hand, a genuine smile on his lips.
“ Thank you, likewise, Doctor Bailey.” Sebastian accepts his hand eagerly.
Nothing else is said, and Ashton goes back to Lily ’s chart. Sebastian watches over Lily, and I’m left to stifle through my thoughts of utter confusion, trying to pinpoint the moment my life turned upside down.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sebastian left the hospital earlier this afternoon. He said he had to go and run some errands. I have no idea what he needed to do, but the glint in his eye gave me the impression that it was something for me, so it’s just Lily-Mai and me at the moment. As I caress her tiny little hand, I smile at the memory of this morning when Sebastian held her against his chest, wrapped gently in his arms. It was the most precious image I had the liberty of witnessing and even thinking about it now gives me light goose bumps, especially in that one moment when a single tear rolled down his cheek as he gazed proudly down at her. It was perfect. They are two of the most important people in my life and seeing them both together, the similarities were uncanny. The same darkened hair, similar shaped fuller lips, chin, and nose. In fact, the similarities between them are so strong I had to question if she was even my daughter, I cannot see myself in her at all. They’re definitely two peas in a pod, that’s for sure.
As I continue to gaze at Lily-Mai, I feel the presence of Ashton beside me. I gulp nervously, letting go of my daughter’s hand, adjusting it back into a comfortable position before closing the isolette door. I take a step back, slowly glancing in his direction. Immediately I feel the awkwardness radiating from him. His face is unresponsive, and the way he stands, with his body positioned as far away from me as possible, gives me the impression he wants to feel the distance. This saddens me.
“Hi,” I say, hoping to get some kind of reaction from him. He doesn’t so much as throw a cursory glance in my direction as he puts on a pair of latex gloves. The angry sound of the latex snapping against his hands causes me to flinch.
“Hi,” he says in a clipped tone, again expressionless. This side of him is a trait I didn’t realize he carried and I don’t like it. He opens the isolette door, and uses an alcohol swab to clean Lily’s heel.
“How are you?” I ask, hoping to entice him into at least having a conversation with me, but I have a feeling it ’s going to be a lost cause. My mouth feels dry, and my palms are sweating with nerves. It’s unpleasant.
“Good,” he snarls. I feel my heart sink in my stomach at his standoffish attitude. I take a huge gulp, trying to salvage some saliva to avoid choking on my own tongue. I watch as he opens up a pink disposable lancet from its packet. I have to look away when he uses the lancet to puncture the skin of Lily-Mai’s heel and begins to collect the blood specimen, as it still makes me feel queasy. To ease my nausea the only thing I find myself doing is gazing at his beautiful face, and surprisingly it relaxes me and distracts me from freaking out.
“We came up with a name, by the way. Lily-Mai,” I say in the hope of improving the conversation, or lack of. I smile proudly before his less than enthusiastic reply wipes it off my face.
“Yep, I noticed.” He tilts his head to the pink elephant nametag that hangs loosely from her incubator. “That’s…um…that’s great, Ava. It’s a beautiful name.” He tries to smile, but it just develops into a grimace and the look of pain I can see inside his eyes slashes deeper at my heart.
“I just thought you’d like to know,” I say with a vulnerable whisper. He doesn’t say anything to that, so I just stand there at a complete loss not knowing what else to say. Once he’s taken the blood specimen, he deposits the
“ Thank you, likewise, Doctor Bailey.” Sebastian accepts his hand eagerly.
Nothing else is said, and Ashton goes back to Lily ’s chart. Sebastian watches over Lily, and I’m left to stifle through my thoughts of utter confusion, trying to pinpoint the moment my life turned upside down.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sebastian left the hospital earlier this afternoon. He said he had to go and run some errands. I have no idea what he needed to do, but the glint in his eye gave me the impression that it was something for me, so it’s just Lily-Mai and me at the moment. As I caress her tiny little hand, I smile at the memory of this morning when Sebastian held her against his chest, wrapped gently in his arms. It was the most precious image I had the liberty of witnessing and even thinking about it now gives me light goose bumps, especially in that one moment when a single tear rolled down his cheek as he gazed proudly down at her. It was perfect. They are two of the most important people in my life and seeing them both together, the similarities were uncanny. The same darkened hair, similar shaped fuller lips, chin, and nose. In fact, the similarities between them are so strong I had to question if she was even my daughter, I cannot see myself in her at all. They’re definitely two peas in a pod, that’s for sure.
As I continue to gaze at Lily-Mai, I feel the presence of Ashton beside me. I gulp nervously, letting go of my daughter’s hand, adjusting it back into a comfortable position before closing the isolette door. I take a step back, slowly glancing in his direction. Immediately I feel the awkwardness radiating from him. His face is unresponsive, and the way he stands, with his body positioned as far away from me as possible, gives me the impression he wants to feel the distance. This saddens me.
“Hi,” I say, hoping to get some kind of reaction from him. He doesn’t so much as throw a cursory glance in my direction as he puts on a pair of latex gloves. The angry sound of the latex snapping against his hands causes me to flinch.
“Hi,” he says in a clipped tone, again expressionless. This side of him is a trait I didn’t realize he carried and I don’t like it. He opens the isolette door, and uses an alcohol swab to clean Lily’s heel.
“How are you?” I ask, hoping to entice him into at least having a conversation with me, but I have a feeling it ’s going to be a lost cause. My mouth feels dry, and my palms are sweating with nerves. It’s unpleasant.
“Good,” he snarls. I feel my heart sink in my stomach at his standoffish attitude. I take a huge gulp, trying to salvage some saliva to avoid choking on my own tongue. I watch as he opens up a pink disposable lancet from its packet. I have to look away when he uses the lancet to puncture the skin of Lily-Mai’s heel and begins to collect the blood specimen, as it still makes me feel queasy. To ease my nausea the only thing I find myself doing is gazing at his beautiful face, and surprisingly it relaxes me and distracts me from freaking out.
“We came up with a name, by the way. Lily-Mai,” I say in the hope of improving the conversation, or lack of. I smile proudly before his less than enthusiastic reply wipes it off my face.
“Yep, I noticed.” He tilts his head to the pink elephant nametag that hangs loosely from her incubator. “That’s…um…that’s great, Ava. It’s a beautiful name.” He tries to smile, but it just develops into a grimace and the look of pain I can see inside his eyes slashes deeper at my heart.
“I just thought you’d like to know,” I say with a vulnerable whisper. He doesn’t say anything to that, so I just stand there at a complete loss not knowing what else to say. Once he’s taken the blood specimen, he deposits the
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