physical confrontation with John.
"Please, Thomas. I made a stupid mistake with him, but I don't want you confronting him. I need to move on. I shouldn't have called you."
"Why did you?"
I shrugged, feeling close to tears again. "I just wanted my big brother's shoulder to cry on."
Staring up at him, I saw his expression soften and felt the tension leave the hand I gripped. "Oh, Am. Honey, that's the first time I've ever heard you acknowledge that I am your brother. I know we've often butted heads, but I couldn't love you any more if we actually shared a blood tie."
Darkwater's never been given to displays of emotion or verbal affection. Hearing the feeling in his voice and seeing the look in his eyes not only touched me but also filled me with regrets.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For all the times I angrily rebuffed your attempts to give me advice I knew you felt was in my best interests. I'm admitting now what I've always known in my hearts of hearts…you're the best big brother any one could ask for."
He sank back on the loveseat beside me and embraced me. "Oh, Am, I'd given up ever hearing you say anything like that. Don't tell the others, but you've always been my favorite and the one I longed for acceptance from the most."
We laughed and clung to each other. As we did, I realized how I'd shortchanged myself for years by not taking advantage of the love and support he'd always shown himself willing to give. Yes, he was opinionated, but so was I. And he had the benefit of having lived eight years longer than I had.
Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks–this time for all the grief I'd given him when he'd only wanted to be a supportive brother.
He released me and wiped my damp cheeks. "Are you sure you don't want me to kick his ass?"
"I don't want him hurt."
"Even if I don't kick his ass, I can't promise one of the other guys won't."
The other guys in question were Darkwater's brothers Jeff, Mike, David, and Cody. "I told you in confidence," I said, feeling desperately afraid at the thought of the five Darkwater brothers gunning for John. "Please don't tell them."
He sighed. "I'll keep your confidence for now, Am, but I'm warning you I won't allow him to piss on you and treat you like a…none of us will allow that. If you take his dumb ass back, you need to make that clear to him or I will. If he doesn't treat you right he's going to find himself in need of surgery to repair several broken bones."
I shivered. I knew he meant it.
He glanced at his watch. "Now if you're okay I need to leave for a while, but I thought it would be nice if we had dinner together tonight."
While I didn't feel like doing anything but staying home and having a good cry, I wanted to nurture and embrace our new understanding. "Okay."
He glanced at his watch. "I'll pick you up at six."
"I'll be ready."
When he left, I called and left a message on Deandre's voicemail telling him I was no longer available to see him that day.
* * *
John
"You're really going to have to face facts, Johnny."
Stretched out on a lounger on Shane's balcony two hours after I'd left Amber, I'd already had time to regret my response to her perfectly reasonable request. "And what facts would those be, Shane?"
"First, she was right and you were wrong."
I nodded. "Tell me something I don't already know."
"Then why the hell did you walk out on her?"
I turned to stare at him on the lounger beside me. "I didn't walk out on her. I left to cool my head before I said something I couldn't take back."
"Hmm. I'll bet she thinks you walked out on her."
I silently acknowledged that he was probably right. "Given my mood, staying wouldn't have been a good idea."
"Then you should have told her you needed a cooling off period. You know how fragile a woman can get when she knows she's given it up too often and too quickly."
I clenched my right hand into a fist. "How many times are you going to imply she's easy, Shane?"
"Look, Johnny, what would you call a
"Please, Thomas. I made a stupid mistake with him, but I don't want you confronting him. I need to move on. I shouldn't have called you."
"Why did you?"
I shrugged, feeling close to tears again. "I just wanted my big brother's shoulder to cry on."
Staring up at him, I saw his expression soften and felt the tension leave the hand I gripped. "Oh, Am. Honey, that's the first time I've ever heard you acknowledge that I am your brother. I know we've often butted heads, but I couldn't love you any more if we actually shared a blood tie."
Darkwater's never been given to displays of emotion or verbal affection. Hearing the feeling in his voice and seeing the look in his eyes not only touched me but also filled me with regrets.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For all the times I angrily rebuffed your attempts to give me advice I knew you felt was in my best interests. I'm admitting now what I've always known in my hearts of hearts…you're the best big brother any one could ask for."
He sank back on the loveseat beside me and embraced me. "Oh, Am, I'd given up ever hearing you say anything like that. Don't tell the others, but you've always been my favorite and the one I longed for acceptance from the most."
We laughed and clung to each other. As we did, I realized how I'd shortchanged myself for years by not taking advantage of the love and support he'd always shown himself willing to give. Yes, he was opinionated, but so was I. And he had the benefit of having lived eight years longer than I had.
Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks–this time for all the grief I'd given him when he'd only wanted to be a supportive brother.
He released me and wiped my damp cheeks. "Are you sure you don't want me to kick his ass?"
"I don't want him hurt."
"Even if I don't kick his ass, I can't promise one of the other guys won't."
The other guys in question were Darkwater's brothers Jeff, Mike, David, and Cody. "I told you in confidence," I said, feeling desperately afraid at the thought of the five Darkwater brothers gunning for John. "Please don't tell them."
He sighed. "I'll keep your confidence for now, Am, but I'm warning you I won't allow him to piss on you and treat you like a…none of us will allow that. If you take his dumb ass back, you need to make that clear to him or I will. If he doesn't treat you right he's going to find himself in need of surgery to repair several broken bones."
I shivered. I knew he meant it.
He glanced at his watch. "Now if you're okay I need to leave for a while, but I thought it would be nice if we had dinner together tonight."
While I didn't feel like doing anything but staying home and having a good cry, I wanted to nurture and embrace our new understanding. "Okay."
He glanced at his watch. "I'll pick you up at six."
"I'll be ready."
When he left, I called and left a message on Deandre's voicemail telling him I was no longer available to see him that day.
* * *
John
"You're really going to have to face facts, Johnny."
Stretched out on a lounger on Shane's balcony two hours after I'd left Amber, I'd already had time to regret my response to her perfectly reasonable request. "And what facts would those be, Shane?"
"First, she was right and you were wrong."
I nodded. "Tell me something I don't already know."
"Then why the hell did you walk out on her?"
I turned to stare at him on the lounger beside me. "I didn't walk out on her. I left to cool my head before I said something I couldn't take back."
"Hmm. I'll bet she thinks you walked out on her."
I silently acknowledged that he was probably right. "Given my mood, staying wouldn't have been a good idea."
"Then you should have told her you needed a cooling off period. You know how fragile a woman can get when she knows she's given it up too often and too quickly."
I clenched my right hand into a fist. "How many times are you going to imply she's easy, Shane?"
"Look, Johnny, what would you call a
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