Living With No Regrets by Jayton Young Page A

room and we’d be able to talk more after Randy goes to bed.”
    After thinking for a moment, and looking over at Randy, she nodded.  “Alright.  I’ll call Mark to bring me a bag over.”
    “Invite him and your mom over for dinner.  Ma would love to see Mary Leigh again.”
    She nodded and Russ headed over to his horse and took off the clothes he had covering his swim trunks as he watched Leigh make a phone call and Randy was standing with her, waiting for him to come play, but he had to get control of the emotions that had been on a roller coaster ride for several days.  Ever since he found out Leigh was coming home.
    He’d been drowned in rage and anger for years that had taken turns with confusion and hurt over what he’d thought had happened.  When he saw her all of that had switched up with the love he hadn’t realized was still there, confusion on what had happened and what was happening, guilt at knowing all of the shit he’d caused like turning the town on her - however unintentional – he’d not thought of the consequences of his actions back then, but it had ultimately kept him from his son.  It was his fault, not hers.  Guilt, regret, love, and loss were the prominent emotions at the moment.
    When Russ had his ‘game face’ on and knew that he would be able to entertain his son, he headed over, threw Randy over his shoulder and giving Leigh a sad smile, and carried him to the pond.
    He swam and played with Randy for a while, his mind concentrating on his son instead of what Leigh had revealed just as she’d hoped for, when he glanced over and saw that she was asleep on the blanket he’d laid down for her to sit on.  When Randy noticed, he headed out of the water.
    Russ tried to stop him.  “Don’t wake her up, son.  She needs rest.”
    “I’m not, Daddy.  I’m jusht going to turn on the mushic on her phone.  It helpsh her shleep better.”
    He nodded and watched as Randy did just that.  By the time he was running back into the water where Russ was waiting for him, the song that had started to play made him want to smile and cry at the same time.  When it first came out, Russ had told Leigh that it was true in the fact that she made him want to be a better person, and that made him want to smile because she had made his life better back then.  He wanted to cry now because ‘The Reason’ by Hoobastank now represented all the wrong he’d done to her in the past few years.  Things he’d do just about anything to change if he could.  As Randy started splashing about, he sang along with the lyrics in his head.
     
    I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
     
    Russ played with Randy for a couple of hours while Leigh took a nap.  When one of the ranch hands came to inform him that Mark and Mary Leigh were there, he and Randy got out, dried off, and dressed before waking her up.  She sat up and looked around.  Russ thought that the shadows under her eyes had lightened up just a bit and was glad he’d decided to let her sleep.
    She looked at them both ruefully but spoke to Randy.  “I’m sorry I fell asleep, baby.  I missed you swimming with your daddy.”
    He threw his arms around her neck.  “That’sh okay Momma.  We had fun.”  He backed up and looked at her.  “Did you shleep good, Momma?  I put your mushic on.”
    “I know, baby.  I think that’s why I did sleep so good.