whispers what he would like to do to them, what he could teach them, how good he could make them be.
Instead she says, "You're bleeding."
61
STANDING THERE, BLACK PANTS, WHITE shirt, orange sneakers (left shoelace untied), she wrinkles her mouth like a grown-up, like the woman she will never get to be, Ray won't let her grow up, not into this world, never grow up he would whisper to me at night, never grow up. Stay just as you are, Alice.
Swear you'll never change. Swear it. Good.
She stands there, staring, and I can see her five years from now, hollowed out, hollow-eyed, shrunken little thing, not a girl but nothing more, not quite right at all but you won't look, will you? No, you will turn away, you will always turn away. Everyone says they want tohelp but no one really does. He was always so nice, they say on TV about the killer next door. He was so quiet. We never thought there was anything strange about him at all.
The girl? We thought she was his daughter. He said she was sick, that he was trying to get her help. He seemed to be so--well, normal. And she never said a word. Why didn't she say a word? That's all she would have needed to do.
62
"RUN," I SAY, AND SHE BLINKS AT ME. Doesn't move.
Just one word, they say. But no one would listen. I could have screamed a million times in a million voices and no one would have ever heard me. I did, every time I left the apartment, with every step I took out in the world.
All those cries, and no one ever heard them.
Finally, I spoke, I speak, and no one listens. Not even her.
Ray's hand on her arm, he is here now, he heard what I said, her eyes widen but it is too late.
I watch her see what her world will soon be.
63
SHE SCREAMS.
I didn't. I didn't even think of it, too stupid, too scared, too slow, I was at the aquarium, adults were everywhere my teachers were there all my friends were there my birthday was coming soon I had new lip gloss and the hat I had on was too big, even with my hair shoved up under it and then-—
And then, later, I screamed and no one came. I screamed and no one heard but Ray and he said oh no, no, no, don't do that like he would stop hurting me but then he did and smiled gums bared teeth yellow-white sharp chewing me apart down to the bone.
She screams and Ray shakes her, yanking her forward and back, and her voice cuts off in shock, no one has ever done this to her you can tell no one has ever hurt her no one has ever really shown her what hurt is.
"Let her go." Jake, from the bushes, just like I thought, daisy-eyed, voice slurred.
Gun in his hand.
64
RAY LAUGHS, A REAL LAUGH, THE high-pitched giggle that makes me curl into myself, cringing, and Jake blinks, slow, bewildered, this is his dream, this is the one where he's the hero, and starts to frown. Bad guy isn't supposed to be laughing. Bad guy is supposed to be scared.
See all that, see his thoughts, and Ray knocks the gun out of his hand and then turns his arm slightly, fist into Jake's jaw, nose, smash into his face.
Jake falls to the ground. Eyes open. "Lucy?" he says, "Lucy?" and Annabel starts to cry, tries to twist away. Ray steps on Jake's hand, grinding down the bones, and Jake howls, Annabel wide-eyed looking everywhere and nowhere.
Looks right at me and I feel my heart beat, heavy thud in my chest, slow, so slow, and she sees me, really sees me, living dead girl who she will soon be.
"Come on," Ray says, something in his voice I've never heard before, strange uncertain note, and I open my mouth scream run! For her, for me.
RUN.
She does, slipping little girl fast into the bushes. Ray swears, grabs my shoulder, no messing around now, yanks me around, spins me in front of him like we are dancing, claw into meat, teeth into flesh, and the world roars, shaking the way the sky rattles when thunder comes. My stomach twists like it's opening from the inside, burns like lightning must, my body snapping harder than even Ray can move me.
"You stupid bitch," Ray
Instead she says, "You're bleeding."
61
STANDING THERE, BLACK PANTS, WHITE shirt, orange sneakers (left shoelace untied), she wrinkles her mouth like a grown-up, like the woman she will never get to be, Ray won't let her grow up, not into this world, never grow up he would whisper to me at night, never grow up. Stay just as you are, Alice.
Swear you'll never change. Swear it. Good.
She stands there, staring, and I can see her five years from now, hollowed out, hollow-eyed, shrunken little thing, not a girl but nothing more, not quite right at all but you won't look, will you? No, you will turn away, you will always turn away. Everyone says they want tohelp but no one really does. He was always so nice, they say on TV about the killer next door. He was so quiet. We never thought there was anything strange about him at all.
The girl? We thought she was his daughter. He said she was sick, that he was trying to get her help. He seemed to be so--well, normal. And she never said a word. Why didn't she say a word? That's all she would have needed to do.
62
"RUN," I SAY, AND SHE BLINKS AT ME. Doesn't move.
Just one word, they say. But no one would listen. I could have screamed a million times in a million voices and no one would have ever heard me. I did, every time I left the apartment, with every step I took out in the world.
All those cries, and no one ever heard them.
Finally, I spoke, I speak, and no one listens. Not even her.
Ray's hand on her arm, he is here now, he heard what I said, her eyes widen but it is too late.
I watch her see what her world will soon be.
63
SHE SCREAMS.
I didn't. I didn't even think of it, too stupid, too scared, too slow, I was at the aquarium, adults were everywhere my teachers were there all my friends were there my birthday was coming soon I had new lip gloss and the hat I had on was too big, even with my hair shoved up under it and then-—
And then, later, I screamed and no one came. I screamed and no one heard but Ray and he said oh no, no, no, don't do that like he would stop hurting me but then he did and smiled gums bared teeth yellow-white sharp chewing me apart down to the bone.
She screams and Ray shakes her, yanking her forward and back, and her voice cuts off in shock, no one has ever done this to her you can tell no one has ever hurt her no one has ever really shown her what hurt is.
"Let her go." Jake, from the bushes, just like I thought, daisy-eyed, voice slurred.
Gun in his hand.
64
RAY LAUGHS, A REAL LAUGH, THE high-pitched giggle that makes me curl into myself, cringing, and Jake blinks, slow, bewildered, this is his dream, this is the one where he's the hero, and starts to frown. Bad guy isn't supposed to be laughing. Bad guy is supposed to be scared.
See all that, see his thoughts, and Ray knocks the gun out of his hand and then turns his arm slightly, fist into Jake's jaw, nose, smash into his face.
Jake falls to the ground. Eyes open. "Lucy?" he says, "Lucy?" and Annabel starts to cry, tries to twist away. Ray steps on Jake's hand, grinding down the bones, and Jake howls, Annabel wide-eyed looking everywhere and nowhere.
Looks right at me and I feel my heart beat, heavy thud in my chest, slow, so slow, and she sees me, really sees me, living dead girl who she will soon be.
"Come on," Ray says, something in his voice I've never heard before, strange uncertain note, and I open my mouth scream run! For her, for me.
RUN.
She does, slipping little girl fast into the bushes. Ray swears, grabs my shoulder, no messing around now, yanks me around, spins me in front of him like we are dancing, claw into meat, teeth into flesh, and the world roars, shaking the way the sky rattles when thunder comes. My stomach twists like it's opening from the inside, burns like lightning must, my body snapping harder than even Ray can move me.
"You stupid bitch," Ray
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