Living a Lie by Josephine Cox Page A

know right from wrong, and it was not only wrong but selfish of me to force myself on you. ” When he saw she was about to interrupt, he took hold of her hands and pressed them to his chest.
    “Let me finish, Kitty. You’ll never know how hard it is for me to say this but it must be said. Am I asking too much of you? Am I causing you pain when instead I should be helping you through what must be a nightmare?”
    In the cool of the evening, Kitty could see his breath fanning out in the night air; she could feel it on her face. Looking into his face, she realised with a little shock how very handsome he was. Thick black hair tumbled over his forehead as he bent to speak with her; strong chiselled features and dark smouldering eyes met hers. Even when they were small children she had always loved him, as a friend she’d thought, a confidant, the brother she’d never had. Now she was made to wonder. Even then, without realising, had she loved him the way she did now?
    “You could never cause me pain,” she whispered.
    Her words made him smile.
    “But I have,” he said.
    “And I never wanted that. All I’ve ever wanted was for us to be together when the time comes, to plan ahead together and wait patiently for the day when I can make you my wife. But that’s what want. I’ve never asked what you want, and that’s why I’m being selfish. And now I’m afraid. The truth is, sweetheart, I can’t trust myself with you. You saw that tonight.”< p>
    Stroking her face with long sensuous fingers, he gazed at her with a tenderness that melted her heart.
     
    “I know you need time,” he murmured, ‘time to get over all the things that have happened, time to see clearly ahead. to think about your future. No one else can do that for you. Kitty. No one else has the right. I understand all of that, and I only want what is best for you. I’ll abide by whatever you decide. ” He took a deep breath.
    “What I need to know is this… have I spoiled everything between us? Should I walk away now, and never see you again?”
    Kitty hesitated. He could not know what he was asking. This was her opportunity. She might never be free from the past, but at least she could set Harry free. With her heart in her mouth she answered him, and the words choked her.
    “It might be better that way, Harry.” A thickness rose in her throat, and hot scalding tears. She stifled them. He must not see she was lying.
    His dark pained eyes lingered a moment on her face, then he raised his gaze to the grey shifting sky, his thoughts in turmoil. At length he bent to kiss her, “Out of the two of us you’re the stronger,” he murmured. A long agonising moment to drink on her beauty, then, “Goodbye, Kitty.” When she simply lowered her gaze and stared at the ground, he walked away. How he turned from her, he would never know.
    But when he did, he left a part of himself behind.
    Fighting the urge to run after him, Kitty told herself she must be cruel to be kind.
    “Goodbye, Harry,” she whispered.
    “Don’t forget me.”
    Out of the darkness came a soft reproachful voice Georgie’s.
    “You’re a fool, Kitty Marsh,” she said.
    “No one will ever love you like he does.”
    It was the last thing Kitty wanted to hear. When she
     
    turned the tears were raining down her face.
    “Do you think I don’t know that?” she cried. With a sob she fell into Georgia’s arms and cried till her tears ran dry.

Chapter Five
    It was Monday morning. Kitty was seated cross-legged on her bed.
    Beside her lay two white envelopes, one addressed to her Aunt Mildred, the other to Harry.
    In the bright morning light, her gaze fell on the letters. Reaching out she picked up Harry’s and held it to her lips. She could still feel his kisses on her mouth, still feel his warm strong arms about her. Since the party, she had questioned herself over and over. Should she send the letter, or should she tear it up? Was it right to leave things as they were? Or, like