angry with them. We are tempted to think about how mean they are and wonder what is wrong with them. We can quickly accuse them of negative things as we try to defend ourselves.
What we tell ourselves when other people start being hateful or disrespectful to us is very important. I have learned that the first thing I need to do is ask myself, “What would cause someone to say that?” I can’t ask that question every time someone says anything negative, because I do get some hate on social media, and I don’t pay attention to it because it comes from people I do not even know. I cannot obsess over people I have never met or even over very casual acquaintances, but all of us have to respect and value closer relationships enough to want to know what’s going on with a person if they are not being nice. If the person bothering me is a close friend, someone at school, or someone I know, I do wonder about their reason for being negative toward me. I think, Is that person having a bad day? Has something happened recently in their life, their family, or a relationship that would make them envious of me, my life, or my relationships? I wonder if something is going on in their lives—something that has nothing to do with me—and maybe they are taking out their anger on me. Or maybe, I think, they could be insecure and trying to bring me down with them. Some people cut others down to try to feel better about themselves. This obviously does not work. It’s one of Satan’s traps, but unfortunately it is one many people fall into. The most important question I ask myself is this: Am I doing something that would cause a person to say or do something hurtful to me? I really try to be nice to everyone, but all of us can accidentally offend people or hurt their feelings. We all make mistakes and do not always say or do the right things. When that happens, we need to be aware of it and honest about it. We should admit it and apologize.
There’s usually a reason people do what they do, especially when they are unkind. Sometimes, the reason is something only they know or only their family knows, but it’s really bugging themand causing them to act in unusual ways. They might not even know they are doing it.
When someone hates on you, talk to yourself before you talk back to them. You might learn something about yourself or realize something about them if you ask yourself the right questions—and it might help you make the situation better instead of worse.
I really like the Bible verses that say,
Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye
when you have a log in your own . . .
First get rid of the log in your own eye;
then you will see well enough
to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
—Matthew 7:3–5, NIV
I can just see a big log sticking out of my eye, someone with a speck in theirs, and me trying to see around my log to pick it out! Sometimes we are quick to point out the problems in others while totally ignoring our own. The Bible warns us not to do that and gives us that great illustration so we won’t forget.
SOMETIMES, WHAT’S WRONG IS WHAT’S NOT RIGHT
When you ask yourself what you might have done wrong in a situation with someone who is being rude to you, it’s important to also ask yourself another question. If you can honestly tell yourself youare not doing anything wrong, ask: “Am I doing enough right?” Let me explain.
One time a girl at school seemed to be really angry with me, and I could not figure out why. I had never gossiped about her; I did not steal her boyfriend; I did not get a role she wanted in the school play or beat her for a spot on a sports team. I had not said anything rude to her, and to the best of my knowledge I had not done a single thing to upset or offend her. I was really confused about why she acted so negatively toward me. It seemed so totally random.
I finally realized the problem wasn’t that I was doing anything wrong; the problem was that I was not
What we tell ourselves when other people start being hateful or disrespectful to us is very important. I have learned that the first thing I need to do is ask myself, “What would cause someone to say that?” I can’t ask that question every time someone says anything negative, because I do get some hate on social media, and I don’t pay attention to it because it comes from people I do not even know. I cannot obsess over people I have never met or even over very casual acquaintances, but all of us have to respect and value closer relationships enough to want to know what’s going on with a person if they are not being nice. If the person bothering me is a close friend, someone at school, or someone I know, I do wonder about their reason for being negative toward me. I think, Is that person having a bad day? Has something happened recently in their life, their family, or a relationship that would make them envious of me, my life, or my relationships? I wonder if something is going on in their lives—something that has nothing to do with me—and maybe they are taking out their anger on me. Or maybe, I think, they could be insecure and trying to bring me down with them. Some people cut others down to try to feel better about themselves. This obviously does not work. It’s one of Satan’s traps, but unfortunately it is one many people fall into. The most important question I ask myself is this: Am I doing something that would cause a person to say or do something hurtful to me? I really try to be nice to everyone, but all of us can accidentally offend people or hurt their feelings. We all make mistakes and do not always say or do the right things. When that happens, we need to be aware of it and honest about it. We should admit it and apologize.
There’s usually a reason people do what they do, especially when they are unkind. Sometimes, the reason is something only they know or only their family knows, but it’s really bugging themand causing them to act in unusual ways. They might not even know they are doing it.
When someone hates on you, talk to yourself before you talk back to them. You might learn something about yourself or realize something about them if you ask yourself the right questions—and it might help you make the situation better instead of worse.
I really like the Bible verses that say,
Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye
when you have a log in your own . . .
First get rid of the log in your own eye;
then you will see well enough
to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
—Matthew 7:3–5, NIV
I can just see a big log sticking out of my eye, someone with a speck in theirs, and me trying to see around my log to pick it out! Sometimes we are quick to point out the problems in others while totally ignoring our own. The Bible warns us not to do that and gives us that great illustration so we won’t forget.
SOMETIMES, WHAT’S WRONG IS WHAT’S NOT RIGHT
When you ask yourself what you might have done wrong in a situation with someone who is being rude to you, it’s important to also ask yourself another question. If you can honestly tell yourself youare not doing anything wrong, ask: “Am I doing enough right?” Let me explain.
One time a girl at school seemed to be really angry with me, and I could not figure out why. I had never gossiped about her; I did not steal her boyfriend; I did not get a role she wanted in the school play or beat her for a spot on a sports team. I had not said anything rude to her, and to the best of my knowledge I had not done a single thing to upset or offend her. I was really confused about why she acted so negatively toward me. It seemed so totally random.
I finally realized the problem wasn’t that I was doing anything wrong; the problem was that I was not
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