was furious, that I didnât behave with restraint. Who was he anyway? A stranger who works for them. You can never be sorry for silence, only for chatter.
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I drove to Ikhilov Hospital in the midst of the evening rush hour, past the towers on the banks of the Ayalon Freeway, between the street lights, and I thought how all that electricity damaged us, and weâre in a bad way if we send the people who are obliged to be harsher than others to psychiatrists.
I caught the doctor as he was leaving, on the way to his private clinic. He had enough time to tell me they had brought Hani out of the coma; all the tests were done; he had a metastasized tumor that would kill him soon, but he might have a few weeks left to live. From a medical perspective, he could soon be discharged from the hospital, if there was someplace he could rest. âDonât send him back to Gaza,â he requested. âThere they wonât give him medicines and heâll die in awful pain. You can go see him now,â he chuckled. âJust leave the pliers outside.â
âNo,â I said. âI donât want to disturb him now. And Iâd drop the jokes.â
âA spy without humor,â he blurted out. âToo bad.â Before he took off elegantly for his lucrative evening occupations, he stopped and looked back. âHis girlfriend was here again. A very impressive woman. Theyâre close. Maybe he can stay with her a few days.â
âThanks,â I said. âThanks for everything, doctor.â My plans were spread out for the whole world to see. Everything happened at its own pace, as if an internal motor was guiding things, without any outside interference, and instead of moving the plot along, I became its instrument.
Daphna announced on the phone that she would take Hani to her place; she arranged for a bed and medical supplies. Everythingâs going well, I said to myself, with no effort on my part.
âTomorrow Iâm coming to you for a lesson,â I said smugly. âThe etrog man is progressing well.â
There was a brief silence, and then she said: âI donât think tomorrow will be convenient. Tomorrow Iâll be busy with Hani.â
âThen Iâll come the day after tomorrow, in the morning,â I said. I stood at the entrance to the hospital, the halt and the lame passing by me.
âIâll call you,â she said coldly. âI donât think itâll work this week.â
âWeâve got an agreement, Daphna,â I said quietly.
âWe had an agreement about Yotam,â she said firmly. âAnd I donât see that youâre keeping to it. Heâs still stuck there in Caesarea, and they still want to kill him, the thugs come to me every day. Thatâs not what we agreed. I thought you had more power.â
âI told you Iâd take care of that, but the two things have nothing to do with one another.â
âThere arenât two things,â she burst out. The sidewalk on King David Boulevard was covered with red flowers falling from the trees. âThereâs only one thing. One whole. One deal. Go to Yotam now, then talk with me. Iâm not willing to talk about any lessons before you take care of Yotam.â And she pressed the mute button, instead of slamming down the receiver with all her might.
The child was sleeping at my mother-in-lawâs that night, because Sigi had meetings and preparations for the trip. I meant to go to her, read the child a story and put him to bed. I told her I couldnât come, something had come up. Anyway, I felt we had already separated, and it tore me up inside.
âWe shouldnât walk around outside? Somebodyâs going to blow himself up?â asked my good mother-in-law anxiously.
âMaybe somebody is going to blow himself up,â I said. âBut I donât know much about it.â I calmed her. She was still fond of me, or perhaps she
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