Lilith by J. R. Salamanca

especially difficult ones, Sonny. These are hard days for a man to settle his mind and plan a life for himself; but it’s something every man must do. Now, we’ve never had a really determined talk about your future, and I think it’s time we did. You’re out of high school now, and you must be thinking about it seriously.”
    “Yes, sir, I know.”
    “Well, these are very competitive days, Sonny; you realize that, I’m sure. It used to be possible, forty years ago, for a man to make his own way with no education but what he’d given himself, as I did. But not any more. Today there are half a dozen young fellows with college degrees waiting for every opening. A man must be educated or he hasn’t a chance. And he must have the other things he gets from college, too: the associations he makes, the ability to deal with people easily and confidently, like an equal. The whole background.”
    “Yes, sir, those are very important things. I realize that.”
    “Well now, I’m not a rich man, as you know, Vincent; but those are advantages I want you to have, Lad. It’s a thing I’ve always hoped to be able to do—send you to college and give you a decent start in life. I haven’t spoken of it before because I’ve never been sure, until now, that I’d be able to afford it, and I didn’t want to disappoint you. But I think now—with careful managing, and a lot of hard effort on your part—I think I can manage it.” He nodded, smiling with pride, and grasped my knee, giving it a vigorous, cordial shake. I was truly awed with gratitude, and felt a warm flood of affection for him.
    “That certainly is nice of you, Grandpa,” I said. “I don’t know how to thank you, sir.”
    “It’s no more than I want to do, Lad. I wouldn’t want it said that any flesh of mine had gone down in the struggle without making his mark. It means a lot to me, Lad—your success.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    He watched my eyes intently for a moment and then, as if reassured of the genuineness of my enthusiasm, nodded slightly and turned his head, lifting his hand and pinching together the center of his lower lip in a reflective way.
    “Now, there’s only one thing that troubles me, Lad; and I feel I must speak of it. It’s this . . . aimlessness of yours, Sonny; this lack of purpose that I’ve spoken of. I wonder if you’re really ready to take advantage of a college education yet. I wonder if you shouldn’t be a bit more mature first—a bit more sober in your mind. I’d hate to think of you frittering away all those years and coming out of it no better off than you went in, or even flunking out, perhaps, and making a disgrace of yourself.”
    “I don’t know, sir; maybe so.”
    “It’s a thing to consider, Vincent. Now, it just occurred to me—I know you won’t be offended at my mentioning it—that a period of service of some kind—like the army, say—hard, useful, disciplined service, might give you a greater sense of reality, of purpose about life. I think you might be better prepared to buckle down and get the most out of your education afterwards.” He paused for a moment and watched me silently, as if to determine the success of this suggestion. “You said just now you’d been thinking about the soldier back there: the monument. Well, I don’t know what you had in mind, Lad; but it occurred to me you might be considering something of the kind yourself.”
    “Well, I don’t know, sir.” As he did not answer, I added in a moment, “I’ll probably be drafted pretty soon, anyway.”
    “Ah, that’s it exactly,” he said with fresh enthusiasm. “If you were to start college now you’d have your work interrupted, at any rate, and it would be all that much harder to take it up again afterwards. There’d be such a lot you would have forgotten. Now, if you’ve got it to do anyway, mightn’t it be better to enlist and get it over with? There’s so much more honor in it that way, Lad.” His voice dropped slightly