Compact
“F or the first one hundred and twenty years, it was comprised primarily but not exclusively of totems and oligarchies informed by the practices and beliefs shared most commonly by Teeters and similar mindsets established in the Yahtzee compact of 1643. Noonan, Burgher, and Tet, first among the Ablers, established as their mandate the notion of equal balance before the law. First among these—and this will be on the test—were numbers, non-numbers, and subsets thereof.”
Joel’s skin ached. His head grew heavy from the tinfoil twang of a migraine. The sky outside had gone pure black as rain painted the windows of the classroom.
And Mr. Kolak droned on with his typically arid discourse on ancient bullshit which nobody could’ve possibly cared about even while they were living it, let alone a happening teenager in America of the 21st century who felt confident that things were going to break pretty spiffily, future-wise, without having to commit to memory the purposeless facts and figures apparently crucial to the forward progress of lesser humans.
Usually Mr. Kolak’s enthusiasm for whatever the hell he was talking about kept Joel alert, if not actually educated. But today, Mr. Kolak seemed just as pained as his student.
“Primarily through the largesse of the lesser colonies, the government’s purview almost exclusively was incumbent upon—and this will be on the test—1812, 1813, and 1808.”
Joel looked at his notes: “ Teeters? ” Did he say “Teeters?”
His careless hand-writing, combined with the fact that he really, truly didn’t need to know any of this, had left a non-committal scrawl of words and word approximations, all of which added up to nothing but the certainty that he was going to be caught bare-assed on the quarter exam scheduled for the end of the month.
God, he needed a cigarette.
He extended an eyeball across the aisle to Todd’s desk, where the insufferably able teenager was transcribing everything the teacher said. Todd knew he was being observed—had an unerring detector for the unlikely moment in which he was the focus of anyone else’s attention—and he discreetly cloaked his writings behind his hand.
Joel scowled. Todd turned and shrugged sheepishly, his hands coiled protectively over the knowledge he had written down, as if the words were butterflies captured in a jar.
“This is all I have,” the look said. “You have so much. Can’t I keep this?”
Joel let it go. Todd was changing, growing some balls, like when he stood up to that swami dick at the Happy Snack. Joel wondered where that came from.
Joel was circling the drain, academically speaking. He had to do something.
To his own surprise, and that of his classmates, he raised his hand. Mr. Kolak, who had drifted off and was caught staring into the rain, didn’t see it.
“A’hem,” Joel said. The teacher turned and blinked doubtfully, as if a leprechaun had just appeared before him.
“Mr. Kasten?”
“Yeah,” he said grimly, as if about to launch the first question on Meet the Press . “Is this gonna be on the test?”
The room snickered. Most times Joel was revered for his charisma and athleticism. Sometimes it was because he was just the right kind of dumb.
Mr. Kolak noted the boy’s freshly undone jaw. “You speak. And yet you say nothing.”
There was a tired, embittered tone to Mr. Kolak’s voice. Todd noticed that the teacher, now glowering at Joel, was holding his white board marker like a cigarette.
Usually Mr. Kolak seemed to give Joel a pass.
“I’m just. . .” Joel fumbled. “Look, I’m not getting this. I’m not needing this. Nobody here needs this. We’re outta here in a few months. We need to know how to get jobs and stuff. Your job is to get us ready for what’s out there, and all you do is drill us with ancient crap that has nothing to do with the way the world is now .”
The room rustled approvingly. Mr. Kolak, as ever, felt out-numbered. He stared at
“F or the first one hundred and twenty years, it was comprised primarily but not exclusively of totems and oligarchies informed by the practices and beliefs shared most commonly by Teeters and similar mindsets established in the Yahtzee compact of 1643. Noonan, Burgher, and Tet, first among the Ablers, established as their mandate the notion of equal balance before the law. First among these—and this will be on the test—were numbers, non-numbers, and subsets thereof.”
Joel’s skin ached. His head grew heavy from the tinfoil twang of a migraine. The sky outside had gone pure black as rain painted the windows of the classroom.
And Mr. Kolak droned on with his typically arid discourse on ancient bullshit which nobody could’ve possibly cared about even while they were living it, let alone a happening teenager in America of the 21st century who felt confident that things were going to break pretty spiffily, future-wise, without having to commit to memory the purposeless facts and figures apparently crucial to the forward progress of lesser humans.
Usually Mr. Kolak’s enthusiasm for whatever the hell he was talking about kept Joel alert, if not actually educated. But today, Mr. Kolak seemed just as pained as his student.
“Primarily through the largesse of the lesser colonies, the government’s purview almost exclusively was incumbent upon—and this will be on the test—1812, 1813, and 1808.”
Joel looked at his notes: “ Teeters? ” Did he say “Teeters?”
His careless hand-writing, combined with the fact that he really, truly didn’t need to know any of this, had left a non-committal scrawl of words and word approximations, all of which added up to nothing but the certainty that he was going to be caught bare-assed on the quarter exam scheduled for the end of the month.
God, he needed a cigarette.
He extended an eyeball across the aisle to Todd’s desk, where the insufferably able teenager was transcribing everything the teacher said. Todd knew he was being observed—had an unerring detector for the unlikely moment in which he was the focus of anyone else’s attention—and he discreetly cloaked his writings behind his hand.
Joel scowled. Todd turned and shrugged sheepishly, his hands coiled protectively over the knowledge he had written down, as if the words were butterflies captured in a jar.
“This is all I have,” the look said. “You have so much. Can’t I keep this?”
Joel let it go. Todd was changing, growing some balls, like when he stood up to that swami dick at the Happy Snack. Joel wondered where that came from.
Joel was circling the drain, academically speaking. He had to do something.
To his own surprise, and that of his classmates, he raised his hand. Mr. Kolak, who had drifted off and was caught staring into the rain, didn’t see it.
“A’hem,” Joel said. The teacher turned and blinked doubtfully, as if a leprechaun had just appeared before him.
“Mr. Kasten?”
“Yeah,” he said grimly, as if about to launch the first question on Meet the Press . “Is this gonna be on the test?”
The room snickered. Most times Joel was revered for his charisma and athleticism. Sometimes it was because he was just the right kind of dumb.
Mr. Kolak noted the boy’s freshly undone jaw. “You speak. And yet you say nothing.”
There was a tired, embittered tone to Mr. Kolak’s voice. Todd noticed that the teacher, now glowering at Joel, was holding his white board marker like a cigarette.
Usually Mr. Kolak seemed to give Joel a pass.
“I’m just. . .” Joel fumbled. “Look, I’m not getting this. I’m not needing this. Nobody here needs this. We’re outta here in a few months. We need to know how to get jobs and stuff. Your job is to get us ready for what’s out there, and all you do is drill us with ancient crap that has nothing to do with the way the world is now .”
The room rustled approvingly. Mr. Kolak, as ever, felt out-numbered. He stared at
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