Like Me by Chely Wright

said that he was funny and she liked how much he liked her. She simply seemed pleased that he was a nice, fun guy. She went on to say that she had confided in him that she and I loved each other but that she wanted to have a normal life. He told her that her relationship with me was fine with him, and he appreciated the complex person that she was. I’m not sure if he was telling her that he was okay with her loving me or if he was saying that it was okay for us to actually “be together.” Nevertheless, it was understood that she and I had a special relationship.
    Julia and Phillip spent the next few months together. I pulled back, not because I wasn’t drawn to her but because I found the situation confusing and a bit hopeless. We did try to hang out together now and again. I’d been going out on dates with a guy named Daniel in hopes of being granted a miracle of my own, that I’d fall in love with a man. I didn’t fall in love with Daniel. What I ended up doing was leaving him perplexed and hurt by my detached behavior.
    Julia, Phillip, Daniel, and I even spent time together. Daniel was quite the host, and he decided to have a barbecue at his house one Saturday afternoon. He invited about thirty people to visit, eat, drink, and be merry on his back porch. I was on the road promoting my first single, but was scheduled to fly back toNashville on Saturday around noon. I got home from the airport, got myself ready, and drove over to Daniel’s house on Belmont Boulevard for the gathering. Even though the skies threatened to open up, there were lots of people there, mostly music industry folks.
    I found Daniel in the kitchen whipping up an impressive culinary concoction. He asked me to announce to everyone on the front porch that the beer and food were on the back porch. On the way, I ran into Phillip. We hugged, he asked me how the tour was going, and if I’d heard. “Heard what?” I said. He had proposed to Julia that morning and she’d said yes. I turned and walked down the steps of Daniel’s front porch, onto the street, and like a zombie, began to walk up Belmont Boulevard. It started to pour down rain and it seemed fitting.
    I’d walked half a mile or so when I noticed Phillip’s little blue truck pulling up in the street next to me. Julia was seated on the passenger side and she rolled down the manual crank window, asking me to get in, to get out of the rain. I said no and kept walking. She asked if I was sure and, without ever once looking her way, I said, “Yes, I’m sure.” My car was back at Daniel’s and I didn’t even have my purse, but I walked for a long time. Eventually, I made my way back to Daniel’s house. All of the guests were in the backyard. I walked in unnoticed, grabbed my purse, got in my car, and left.
    Julia called the next day and left a voice mail message saying that she was sorry she didn’t tell me before Phillip did, but that she just wanted to have a normal life and she wished I’d just understand. The next day, I called her back at work. I knew that if I called her there, she wouldn’t be able to talk for more than a minute or two. I lied, telling her that I completely understood, then quickly got off the phone.
    Honestly, what did I expect her to do? Did I think that she and I could really survive, with any quality of life, in Nashville, Tennessee? I was a brand-new artist on Mercury/PolyGramRecords; they were pumping millions of dollars into my career. How could I risk ruining my chances of making it as a successful country music artist? I was just getting started. I continued to hope that I’d be able to look back one day on those confusing times and reference them as a “phase” that I went through. I wanted to be normal too and tried to convince myself that this was the best thing for us.
    Julia and Phillip had a short engagement. In the weeks leading up to their wedding, I spent a minimal amount of time with her. We talked on the phone and shared a few meals