in a helpless gesture. “What am I to do? l have a damaged ship, a crew to pay, and a hold of starving lasses.”
“And from Barbados to Virginia? How long does that take?” Alex tried to sound matter-of-fact, when all she really wanted to do was retreat to her cabin and cry. But she couldn’t, could she? After all, she’d made herself a promise.
Captain Miles pursed his mouth. “Anything from three weeks to six.”
Alex frowned while she calculated how much this would cost her. So far, she had plenty of money left in one form or another, she and Mrs Gordon carried important quantities sown into their waistbands. But a month, or even several months, in Barbados…
“And will you be reimbursing me for the passage? I bought a passage to Virginia, not to Barbados.”
Captain Miles dragged a hand over his face. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do. Once the ship is repaired I’ll sail you up to Jamestown myself. But it will not be this year. I’m sorry for that, but it is out of my hands.”
Alex pressed her hands against her churning stomach and Captain Miles wilted under her eyes.
“He’ll be alright, your man will be waiting for you.”
“How do you know?” She stood up so abruptly the chair fell over backwards. “How the hell do you know?”
Don Benito rose and placed a hand on her arm. “I think the captain means that it would take a very brave man to die away from you.”
She shrugged him off and left the cabin at half run.
*
She woke when she hit the floor, and rolled over onto her hands and knees. What a terrible dream! Her whole back hurt, as if the flogging she’d been dreaming of had been for real. Something was missing; she stood on all fours and searched for his beat, the sound of his heart, but inside her it was silent – very silent. Oh God, she gulped, he’s dead! She sat down with a thud, and closed her eyes, listening inwardly with such concentration her head began to throb. Don’t you dare Matthew Graham, don’t you dare give up!
“Move,” she whispered to the supine shape she saw in her head. “Move and go on living!” Fingers twitched, and inside of her the sonar echo of his heart began to thud. Slow and steady, deep and strong. She sank her face into her hands.
*
Next morning Don Benito came over to stand beside her. “What is the matter?”
She lifted her shoulders and let them drop. “I dreamt,” she said, eyes fixed on the swift dark shapes that escorted the ship underwater. “Do you think it’s possible? That I can somehow dream of things that are happening to him? Because I do, and last night I dreamt that he almost died, that he no longer wanted to live.” She wrinkled her brow in concentration. “But I told him; I told him that he had to live, and I saw him move.” Alex fisted her hand and studied her wedding ring. What had they done to her Matthew, to her beautiful man, to leave him lifeless on the ground?
“I dream too,” Don Benito sighed. “Night after night I dream, and I see her as she must be, not as she was, so yes, I believe it is possible to dream of what happens to someone you love.” He turned to lean back against the railings, watching the mother who sat nursing her baby by the main mast. “I have a son.” He filled his lungs and looked at Alex. “I’ve never seen him and never will, but his mother walks my waking mind, she sits burning in my heart, and when I close my eyes to sleep, I see her, and in her arms she holds a child.”
“Is she pretty?”
Don Benito made a dismissive gesture. “I don’t think so, she’s no Helen, not even a Juliet. But to me she is beautiful, she has a smile that can melt a heart of stone, and when she laughs it sounds like rain falling in a pewter bucket. And I was wrong to ever touch her.” He scratched at his chest for some time. The heavy hair shirt must be a torment in this heat, but when Alex had suggested he might stop using it, he’d gone rigid, telling her that he was honour bound to wear
“And from Barbados to Virginia? How long does that take?” Alex tried to sound matter-of-fact, when all she really wanted to do was retreat to her cabin and cry. But she couldn’t, could she? After all, she’d made herself a promise.
Captain Miles pursed his mouth. “Anything from three weeks to six.”
Alex frowned while she calculated how much this would cost her. So far, she had plenty of money left in one form or another, she and Mrs Gordon carried important quantities sown into their waistbands. But a month, or even several months, in Barbados…
“And will you be reimbursing me for the passage? I bought a passage to Virginia, not to Barbados.”
Captain Miles dragged a hand over his face. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do. Once the ship is repaired I’ll sail you up to Jamestown myself. But it will not be this year. I’m sorry for that, but it is out of my hands.”
Alex pressed her hands against her churning stomach and Captain Miles wilted under her eyes.
“He’ll be alright, your man will be waiting for you.”
“How do you know?” She stood up so abruptly the chair fell over backwards. “How the hell do you know?”
Don Benito rose and placed a hand on her arm. “I think the captain means that it would take a very brave man to die away from you.”
She shrugged him off and left the cabin at half run.
*
She woke when she hit the floor, and rolled over onto her hands and knees. What a terrible dream! Her whole back hurt, as if the flogging she’d been dreaming of had been for real. Something was missing; she stood on all fours and searched for his beat, the sound of his heart, but inside her it was silent – very silent. Oh God, she gulped, he’s dead! She sat down with a thud, and closed her eyes, listening inwardly with such concentration her head began to throb. Don’t you dare Matthew Graham, don’t you dare give up!
“Move,” she whispered to the supine shape she saw in her head. “Move and go on living!” Fingers twitched, and inside of her the sonar echo of his heart began to thud. Slow and steady, deep and strong. She sank her face into her hands.
*
Next morning Don Benito came over to stand beside her. “What is the matter?”
She lifted her shoulders and let them drop. “I dreamt,” she said, eyes fixed on the swift dark shapes that escorted the ship underwater. “Do you think it’s possible? That I can somehow dream of things that are happening to him? Because I do, and last night I dreamt that he almost died, that he no longer wanted to live.” She wrinkled her brow in concentration. “But I told him; I told him that he had to live, and I saw him move.” Alex fisted her hand and studied her wedding ring. What had they done to her Matthew, to her beautiful man, to leave him lifeless on the ground?
“I dream too,” Don Benito sighed. “Night after night I dream, and I see her as she must be, not as she was, so yes, I believe it is possible to dream of what happens to someone you love.” He turned to lean back against the railings, watching the mother who sat nursing her baby by the main mast. “I have a son.” He filled his lungs and looked at Alex. “I’ve never seen him and never will, but his mother walks my waking mind, she sits burning in my heart, and when I close my eyes to sleep, I see her, and in her arms she holds a child.”
“Is she pretty?”
Don Benito made a dismissive gesture. “I don’t think so, she’s no Helen, not even a Juliet. But to me she is beautiful, she has a smile that can melt a heart of stone, and when she laughs it sounds like rain falling in a pewter bucket. And I was wrong to ever touch her.” He scratched at his chest for some time. The heavy hair shirt must be a torment in this heat, but when Alex had suggested he might stop using it, he’d gone rigid, telling her that he was honour bound to wear
Similar Books
