should never have agreed to spend time with
Rupert that wasn’t on the clock. “An hour for last night is fine.”
“But you….
We did stuff again this morning.” Rupert frowned, his face flushed. “I don’t
want to take advantage of you.”
“You’re
not. Look… I sucked your cock this morning because I wanted to, okay? Think of
it as a freebie. Pro boner, if you will.” Josh forced a grin, trying to sound
convincingly amused by his own joke, but probably failing if the unhappy
expression on Rupert’s face was anything to go by. “Newsflash: I’ve
occasionally been known to have sex with people for reasons other than cold,
hard cash.” He stood, ready to leave. He wanted out of this situation before he
gave himself away.
“Okay. I’m
sorry.”
“Don’t
worry about it.”
Rupert
opened his wallet and counted out some notes. “This is for last night, then.”
He stepped forward, offering them to Josh.
Josh stared
at the money for a moment, hesitating. He didn’t want it, but it was easier to
take it than to explain.
“Thanks.”
He took the cash and shoved it into his pocket. “And thanks for dinner and
breakfast too.”
“You’re
welcome.”
They stood
facing each other, just a short distance apart, but it felt like a million
miles. Josh remembered the easy intimacy of last night, the happiness he’d felt
on waking up this morning, and wondered where the fuck it had all gone wrong.
Maybe the closeness was all an illusion and Josh only saw it because he wanted
to believe it was there. With Rupert’s money burning a hole in his pocket, he
felt more like a whore than he ever had in nearly two years of selling his
body.
“Okay, I’d
better go. Bye, Rupert.”
Josh turned
before Rupert could reach for him. If Rupert touched him, he was afraid he’d
shatter like glass and fall apart into fractured pieces.
Rupert saw
him to the door, but he must have sensed the mood because he made no move to
hug or kiss Josh goodbye.
“Good luck
with the rest of your exams.” He added, “I’ll call you,” as Josh walked down
the corridor to the lift.
Josh didn’t
answer, and as the lift doors slid open, he heard Rupert’s door bang shut.
Josh felt
sick as he walked home. The blue sky and sunshine did nothing to lift his
spirits. All they did was highlight his own black mood. Back at the house he
bypassed the sound of voices in the living room and went straight up the
stairs, heading for his room on the top floor.
On the
first floor landing, he nearly ran into Jez, coming out of the bathroom dressed
in a pair of boxers. He had love bites all over his chest and wore the slightly
dazed expression and flushed cheeks of someone who’d recently come.
He grinned
at Josh. “Hi, mate. Good night?”
“Not bad,”
Josh replied, ducking away from Jez’s gaze and trying to get past him. He
wasn’t in the mood for conversation.
Jez
frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just
tired.”
Jez didn’t
look convinced.
“Jez! Hurry
up and come back to bed,” Mac called from Jez’s room.
Jez put his
hand on Josh’s arm. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine.
But your boyfriend needs you. Don’t keep him waiting.” Josh managed a grin as
he squeezed past Jez, but his heart twisted with envy for what Jez and Mac had
together. It must be nice to have a boyfriend to snuggle with on a Sunday
morning.
In his room
Josh spread out his books and revision notes and tried to focus, but his mind
kept wandering. When he found himself staring out of the window for the
umpteenth time, he sighed heavily and forced himself to look back at the words
on the page. He read them, but they could have been Greek for all the sense
they made to him today. He needed to concentrate. The exams this year went
towards his final degree. He was not going to fuck them up because of Rupert. He got a notepad and a pen and started
writing things down, forcing his brain to process the words by rewriting
Rupert that wasn’t on the clock. “An hour for last night is fine.”
“But you….
We did stuff again this morning.” Rupert frowned, his face flushed. “I don’t
want to take advantage of you.”
“You’re
not. Look… I sucked your cock this morning because I wanted to, okay? Think of
it as a freebie. Pro boner, if you will.” Josh forced a grin, trying to sound
convincingly amused by his own joke, but probably failing if the unhappy
expression on Rupert’s face was anything to go by. “Newsflash: I’ve
occasionally been known to have sex with people for reasons other than cold,
hard cash.” He stood, ready to leave. He wanted out of this situation before he
gave himself away.
“Okay. I’m
sorry.”
“Don’t
worry about it.”
Rupert
opened his wallet and counted out some notes. “This is for last night, then.”
He stepped forward, offering them to Josh.
Josh stared
at the money for a moment, hesitating. He didn’t want it, but it was easier to
take it than to explain.
“Thanks.”
He took the cash and shoved it into his pocket. “And thanks for dinner and
breakfast too.”
“You’re
welcome.”
They stood
facing each other, just a short distance apart, but it felt like a million
miles. Josh remembered the easy intimacy of last night, the happiness he’d felt
on waking up this morning, and wondered where the fuck it had all gone wrong.
Maybe the closeness was all an illusion and Josh only saw it because he wanted
to believe it was there. With Rupert’s money burning a hole in his pocket, he
felt more like a whore than he ever had in nearly two years of selling his
body.
“Okay, I’d
better go. Bye, Rupert.”
Josh turned
before Rupert could reach for him. If Rupert touched him, he was afraid he’d
shatter like glass and fall apart into fractured pieces.
Rupert saw
him to the door, but he must have sensed the mood because he made no move to
hug or kiss Josh goodbye.
“Good luck
with the rest of your exams.” He added, “I’ll call you,” as Josh walked down
the corridor to the lift.
Josh didn’t
answer, and as the lift doors slid open, he heard Rupert’s door bang shut.
Josh felt
sick as he walked home. The blue sky and sunshine did nothing to lift his
spirits. All they did was highlight his own black mood. Back at the house he
bypassed the sound of voices in the living room and went straight up the
stairs, heading for his room on the top floor.
On the
first floor landing, he nearly ran into Jez, coming out of the bathroom dressed
in a pair of boxers. He had love bites all over his chest and wore the slightly
dazed expression and flushed cheeks of someone who’d recently come.
He grinned
at Josh. “Hi, mate. Good night?”
“Not bad,”
Josh replied, ducking away from Jez’s gaze and trying to get past him. He
wasn’t in the mood for conversation.
Jez
frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just
tired.”
Jez didn’t
look convinced.
“Jez! Hurry
up and come back to bed,” Mac called from Jez’s room.
Jez put his
hand on Josh’s arm. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine.
But your boyfriend needs you. Don’t keep him waiting.” Josh managed a grin as
he squeezed past Jez, but his heart twisted with envy for what Jez and Mac had
together. It must be nice to have a boyfriend to snuggle with on a Sunday
morning.
In his room
Josh spread out his books and revision notes and tried to focus, but his mind
kept wandering. When he found himself staring out of the window for the
umpteenth time, he sighed heavily and forced himself to look back at the words
on the page. He read them, but they could have been Greek for all the sense
they made to him today. He needed to concentrate. The exams this year went
towards his final degree. He was not going to fuck them up because of Rupert. He got a notepad and a pen and started
writing things down, forcing his brain to process the words by rewriting
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