Lifesaver by Louise Voss

oh well, if I wanted to meet him, all I had to do was to write back, officially, as Anna Sozi. It was simple. We’d meet. I’d even let the Anthony Nolan Trust take my photograph with him…
    But it was the idea of that photograph that made my insides freeze up. The notion that, like Anthony Nolan himself, photographs might one day be all that was left of Max’s childhood, and that my contribution would have turned out to be futile after all, like all the babies lost and their lives unrealised. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t risk it.
    It took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to sound desperate. Why hadn’t the Queen of Hearts warned me that this was a possibility?
    ‘ All of them? No places on any of your courses? I mean, it doesn’t have to be mosaic, I just want to do something creative. You do pottery, don’t you?’ The words began to slip away from me, out of control like wet clay whirling unchecked on a potter’s wheel. But I want to meet Max! I fumed inside my head.
    There was a brief silence at the end of the line, and I reined in my emotions with difficulty. Adam’s nutter-radar was probably screeching at him, I thought. You always got nutters on community college courses. He was bound to think I was one.
    ‘I’m sorry. Courses do get booked up very early, and the last few places on all my courses have just been taken.’
    Perhaps it was not meant to be. ‘Not meant to be’—now there was a phrase I sorely overused, I thought hollowly. But Adam was saying something else.
    ‘However, if you’re interested in creating mosaics—‘
    ‘Yes, I am,’ I interrupted eagerly. There was a beeping at my end of the line, puncturing Adam’s words, breaking them up like coloured tiles. ‘Sorry. My call waiting’s going off. Could you hold on a minute please?’
    ‘No problem.’
    I quickly switched calls. ‘Yes?’
    ‘Who are you nattering on to, babes?’ It was Ken.
    ‘Oh. Ken. Listen, can I call you back. It’s—um—Fenella.’
    ‘OK. I’m about to go into a meeting but if you ring me—‘
    I switched back before he could finish. ‘Sorry about that.’
    ‘No, I was just saying, if you’d like to get involved in a mosaic project, I’m organising a big community mural. It’s to go in the underpass by the station, you know?’
    ‘Oh, yes,’ I lied.
    ‘Well, anyone’s welcome. We’ll be doing it for the next two weeks, until term starts. Longer, if I can get a commission for three more panels, which, hopefully, I will. It’s free, you just drop in. It’s a great way to learn about the basics—tile cutting, design, backgrounds, etcetera.’
    ‘Brilliant,’ I said, punching the air with my non-phone fist. ‘Where?’
    ‘Moose Hall on the Devizes Road.’
    ‘Er—I think I know it.’
    ‘Opposite the turning into Queens Drive.’
    ‘I’ll find it,’ I said confidently. ‘Thanks.’ Something occurred to me. ‘And—um—will you be there every day too?’
    ‘Most days,’ he said, sounding amused. ‘What’s your name? I’ll look out for you.’
    I cleared my throat. ‘Annavalentine.’ I gabbled, to try and prevent him even thinking Sozi.
    ‘Right. Excellent. See you there, I hope. And I’m sorry about the college courses. Do you want to go on the waiting list? People do sometimes drop out.’
    ‘No. No, it’s all right, thanks. But I will come down and help with the mural though.’
    After I’d hung up from him, I couldn’t stop beaming. It was perfect. I screwed up the piece of paper with the fake address on it—no hassle with college registration, no risk of being checked up on. All I had to do was to just turn up and meet him. Plus, since it wasn’t a formal class, there would probably be far more opportunity for social chat. It would have sounded weird to ask the teacher about his family life in the middle of a lesson, but surely not at all odd to bring it up in a more social situation. And—be still, my beating heart - but wasn’t it still the