new beginning, maybe. “I hate him. I never hated you.” It wasn’t an admission of love, but it was something.
“I’m glad to hear that… that you don’t hate me. But, honey, it worries me to hear you say you hate your father.” She raised her hand, shaking her head. “I’m not saying that he didn’t give you plenty of reasons to feel that way. Lord knows he did. He gave all of us plenty of reasons to hate him.”
“Are you saying you don’t hate him after everything he did to you?”
“That would be giving him too much power over me, and I swore to myself a long time ago that those days were over.”
He remembered how powerless the old man had made all of them feel. They were all weaker than he was, and he’d never failed to remind them that he could hurt them with one swipe of his huge hand.
“Maybe you could teach me how to do that then,” he said, his smile more of a grimace. “Because I haven’t figured out how to stop hating him for what he did to us.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why do you pay for his care if you hate him so much?”
Wes had asked him that question, and Colt had given him the same response. “If I didn’t, he’d be the state’s responsibility, and it didn’t seem fair to bilk taxpayers out of their hard-earned dollars to pay for him. He’d been a burden to us for all those years. Why make him a burden to everyone else too?” There were days when Colt felt he should double the man’s caregivers’ salaries just for putting up with that vicious old bastard.
“Did you do it for me?” she asked, her voice soft as she looked up at him through tinted lashes.
“I guess in a way I did. I wanted to put him away. Since I didn’t have the guts to call the police when I should have, this seemed like the next best thing.”
She smiled. “You know, it’s a lovely facility. A lot of people love living there.”
“I’m sure they did until he arrived.”
“He’s mellowed a lot. That’s the only reason I have anything to do with him anymore. He has his bad days just like he always did. But now he has a few good days mixed in there too, and the good ones are better than they ever were. He’s facing his own mortality. That can’t help but change a man, I guess.”
Colt couldn’t imagine anything changing his father, not even the prospect of a visit from the Grim Reaper. “I want to forget him, to put him out of my mind completely. But I’m not going to lie, I’ve had a hard time with that.”
“Maybe you should go see him, get it all off your chest. That might help. I know it did for me.”
“You told him off?” Colt couldn’t imagine his mother standing up to his father even if she was stronger and he was weaker than they’d been when he was a child.
“I told him how I felt about what he did to his children… and to me,” she said, sitting up straighter. “I told him that he should be ashamed of himself, that a real man doesn’t treat the people he claims to love that way.”
Colt rolled his eyes. “You don’t honestly believe that he loved any of us, do you?”
“I know it may not seem like it, but I believe in his own way he did. He was afraid of losing us. He thought if he kept tearing us down, we’d stay because we believed we needed him. I guess in my case it worked. But I’m so glad you kids got out when you did.”
Colt was almost afraid to ask the question that had been haunting him for years. “Did it get worse after I left?” Since he’d often borne the brunt of his father’s anger, his father had been too spent to hurt his wife and other children.
“It was strange, but he seemed to retreat inside himself after you left. He watched a lot of TV, didn’t talk much. We were all happy about that. If we weren’t talking to him, we couldn’t upset him.”
It was a hell of a way to live, being afraid to speak in your own home. “I’m glad that you’re alone here now. You finally have freedom.”
She
“I’m glad to hear that… that you don’t hate me. But, honey, it worries me to hear you say you hate your father.” She raised her hand, shaking her head. “I’m not saying that he didn’t give you plenty of reasons to feel that way. Lord knows he did. He gave all of us plenty of reasons to hate him.”
“Are you saying you don’t hate him after everything he did to you?”
“That would be giving him too much power over me, and I swore to myself a long time ago that those days were over.”
He remembered how powerless the old man had made all of them feel. They were all weaker than he was, and he’d never failed to remind them that he could hurt them with one swipe of his huge hand.
“Maybe you could teach me how to do that then,” he said, his smile more of a grimace. “Because I haven’t figured out how to stop hating him for what he did to us.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why do you pay for his care if you hate him so much?”
Wes had asked him that question, and Colt had given him the same response. “If I didn’t, he’d be the state’s responsibility, and it didn’t seem fair to bilk taxpayers out of their hard-earned dollars to pay for him. He’d been a burden to us for all those years. Why make him a burden to everyone else too?” There were days when Colt felt he should double the man’s caregivers’ salaries just for putting up with that vicious old bastard.
“Did you do it for me?” she asked, her voice soft as she looked up at him through tinted lashes.
“I guess in a way I did. I wanted to put him away. Since I didn’t have the guts to call the police when I should have, this seemed like the next best thing.”
She smiled. “You know, it’s a lovely facility. A lot of people love living there.”
“I’m sure they did until he arrived.”
“He’s mellowed a lot. That’s the only reason I have anything to do with him anymore. He has his bad days just like he always did. But now he has a few good days mixed in there too, and the good ones are better than they ever were. He’s facing his own mortality. That can’t help but change a man, I guess.”
Colt couldn’t imagine anything changing his father, not even the prospect of a visit from the Grim Reaper. “I want to forget him, to put him out of my mind completely. But I’m not going to lie, I’ve had a hard time with that.”
“Maybe you should go see him, get it all off your chest. That might help. I know it did for me.”
“You told him off?” Colt couldn’t imagine his mother standing up to his father even if she was stronger and he was weaker than they’d been when he was a child.
“I told him how I felt about what he did to his children… and to me,” she said, sitting up straighter. “I told him that he should be ashamed of himself, that a real man doesn’t treat the people he claims to love that way.”
Colt rolled his eyes. “You don’t honestly believe that he loved any of us, do you?”
“I know it may not seem like it, but I believe in his own way he did. He was afraid of losing us. He thought if he kept tearing us down, we’d stay because we believed we needed him. I guess in my case it worked. But I’m so glad you kids got out when you did.”
Colt was almost afraid to ask the question that had been haunting him for years. “Did it get worse after I left?” Since he’d often borne the brunt of his father’s anger, his father had been too spent to hurt his wife and other children.
“It was strange, but he seemed to retreat inside himself after you left. He watched a lot of TV, didn’t talk much. We were all happy about that. If we weren’t talking to him, we couldn’t upset him.”
It was a hell of a way to live, being afraid to speak in your own home. “I’m glad that you’re alone here now. You finally have freedom.”
She
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