Learning to Breathe by J. C. McClean

me Mum! Me! You weren’t there! You don’t know what I went through! So you don’t know how hard this is for me … if you had any clue at all, you wouldn’t be making me do this!”
    My mother stared at me for a l ong time before she spoke again. “You’re right – I don’t know what happened but that’s because you refuse to talk to me about it! What do you want me to do Darcie? I’m trying my best here but you’re not making it any easier when you fight me the whole way!”
    “I t old you before – I don’t wanna talk about it! Talking about it isn’t going to fix it – it’ll just make it worse. If I talk about what happened, it won’t make things better … it’ll just be another cruel reminder of what happened and what I can’t change – no matter how much I wish I could.” I let out a heavy sigh, I was exhausted from my outburst but my mother looked like she wasn’t finished yet.
    Sure enough, she shook her head at me and sighed. “Believe me Darcie, I know doing this won’t change what happened but maybe it’ll help you another way. If it only helps you to overcome your fear then at least you’ve accomplished that. Just please stick at it – that’s all I’m saying.”
    “Well you made damn sure I had no other choice but to do it , didn’t you? Well okay, maybe I will stick at it but not for you or anyone else … I’m going to do it to prove to you that it won’t change a thing.” And with that, I left my mother standing looking quite stunned while I headed upstairs on a mission.
     
    I woke up the next morning with my plan already formulated – I just hoped that it would work. I was ready in record time and caught the earliest bus to school – I had already told Harriet that I didn’t need a lift. As I was dropped off outside of Dover High, I checked the car park for any signs of life and found only a few cars parked already.
    My watch told me it was just after 8am so I knew that the school should be open by now. I made my way inside the building and on into the Sports Wing. Halfway down the hall, I could hear the faint sound of The Black Keys’ ‘Lonely Boy’ blaring mixed with the splashing of water.
    I entered the pool area to find that Danny was exactly where Harriet had said he would be – swimming laps (I found this out after I had questioned her last night). I smiled to myself and tried to think of some way to get his attention, I then spotted an inflatable beach ball over by the floats – perfect.
    I grabbed the ball and lobbed it just as Danny had reached the centre of the pool. It hit him right on the head and I let out a chuckle when he abruptly stopped swimming and looked around with a baffled expression on his face.
    He eventually spun around in my direction and frowned at me before yelling out. “What the hell did you that for?”
    I stood with my hands on my hips, hoping that I looked like I meant business. “I need your help!” I yelled back over the music.
     
    Danny didn’t answer me right away but continued to swim over to the edge of the pool and then climbed out. He then made his way over to an iPod dock in the far corner of the room and turned off the music before making his way towards me.
    I had been so keyed up about sharing my plan that I failed to notice how attractive Danny was looking until he started to approach me. He was half-naked with his hair swept back and was glistening from the water like he’d just stepped out of a TV advert. Seriously, he looked like a male model that had just happened to stumble into a high school wearing nothing but swimming shorts and that killer, less than perfect smile …
    None of that should have mattered to me but I couldn’t stop staring at him – to say that I was very distracted at that precise moment would have been an understatement. I watched as Danny grabbed a towel on his way to meet me and I tried my best to think of something coherent to say to him before he came to talk to me … it wasn’t